Gentle Breeze

To April — singing
of blackbirds clinging
to trees
In dawn still stinging
from frost and bringing
the breeze
the scents that’s slinging
blooms into ringing
for peace.

Then gently swinging
soft dusk beginning
to please
me dancing, spinning
light into dimming
hark, tease
of blackbirds clinging
to April — singing
such ease.

gentle-breeze-1950

Gentle breeze by Kaoru Kawano

Today we start a new exercise on form at dVerse and Grace introduces Lai and Lai Noveau to us.

April 25, 2019

18 responses to “Gentle Breeze

  1. So joyful to read specially with dancing and spinning. I specially love:
    the scents that’s slinging
    soft dusk beginning

  2. Bjorn, after this past winter, your poem carries the hope and promise of healing days and growth. Especially, as April can be, a heartbreaking month, with flooding and winter-like temperatures.

  3. You are brave, Björn, diving in with a double lai! I love the ring of the ‘ing’ rhyme throughout, and the image of ‘dawn still stinging from frost’.

  4. There’s something about this form that I find very hard to get right and very hard to hear as a poem. Maybe I’ll get used to it, but as Kim has said, it’s difficult not to sound stilted with so many rhymes in such short lines.

  5. You had me at /soft dusk beginning/to please/. There already seems to be some latitude in the rhyme schemes. I kind of liked you using the same rhyme on all the AA lines; it flowed musically.

  6. This lai seems much like a dance to me–your subject and the repetition of the ing ending reinforce the feeling. I agree with Jane, though, something about the form itself seems forced. (K)

  7. I love the gentle rhythm of this Lai, it flows like bird song 🐦🎶

  8. I’m a novice to this form, but it seems to me that you captured the spirit of it. This flows effortlessly like a breeze.

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