When darkness tiptoed through our streets, we shut
the windows, blocked the doors before they knocked.
“This night is death”, you cried, “it stabs my gut”.
We listened to the tick-tock of the clocks,
and watched the shadows moulding into black,
your face, a pale reflection washed in ink.
I poured myself a scotch when on my back,
I felt its ice cold touch, a serpent slinked
foretelling that the visitors had come,
with raven wind and from the basement sighs,
and there was music, woodwind, strings and drums,
and rattling bones, retracted claws — You cried:
“I crave your blood, I’m one of them ”, you sneered,
and snapped my neck; I’ve slept with death I fear.
Today I host MTB at dVerse, where we try our best in writing narrative poetry. Tell us a story with beginning end and conclusion. Put me in the place, and introduce the characters. Use dialogue in your poem if you want, give me images and have fun. I wrote the first version of this sonnet last week, and I have basically only made a few changes to the end to give you a different story.
September 27, 2018
Oh my goodness, the rhythm and rhyme scheme gave this a fun, lyrical feel but the subject matter and lines themselves contrasted so greatly, it made for such an exciting read!
Sonnets in modern form are perfect forms for flash-fiction I think. Close to hundred words usually…
I will keep that in mind for future flash fiction prompts!
Oh, very dark. The sonnet form gives it a lovely Victorian feel. This reminded me of Browning, the way he inhabited other characters.
Ohh wow…more of your masterful imagery….
I loved “8foretelling that the visitors had come, with raven wind and from the basement sighs, and there was music, woodwind, strings and drums, and rattling bones, retracted claws — “
Dark but with a jaunty rhythm, and I love the sounds in ‘darkness’, ‘blocked’, ‘knocked’, ‘tick-tock of the clocks’,’black’, ‘ink’ and ‘back’, I also love the ‘raven wind and … basement sighs’ – very creepy!
This complements your last ship in a storm poem. Very Gothic.
I thought this felt familiar when I started, but I wasn’t sure if it was a coincidence at first until a little bit into it. A chilling tale straight through the end, and the last line was superb. I think there’s great value in both versions though.
I am pleased about the dark ending to this one.
It was actually your comment that triggered me to rewrite this ending.
Gothic to the core, brother–loved it. You had me at /raven winds/; still imagining the soft sound of /retracting claws/. Nice illustration for your prompt.
Raven winds and basement sighs. You went full core Gothic on this. Not scary but creepy enough.
beguiled and enchanted – reminded me of dark Victorian tales
Dark and intriguing…death comes calling.
Your wild images ran rampant through this one. Very chilling!
My thanks for the narrative poetry prompt, for it is one of my favorite forms of poetry.
Oooo. I shivered at this one! 🙂 Wonderful.
Nice use of iambic pentameter.
The “basement sighs” echo my childhood fears…you’re a master of the sinister side of sonnet!
Ha… thank you.. yes basements can be scary
Love your tale–especially those “rattling bones.”
Sleeping with death…your words are a personification of what we always carry. (K)
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I like the double-meaning of the title and I was genuinely shocked by the turn. I see what you were driving at now. That was a tight narrative.
I love the rhythm and rhyme that carries along this tale (without be intrusive). I agree with others–quite gothic. You are right that the sonnet form seems perfect for this. This is really chocked full with sound and action.
An entertaining walk on the dark side!
We may not know we are on the dark side till it’s too late.