One more cup of coffee

Ever since I asked we had been silent.

“One more of cup of coffee?”, the waitress smiled, gazing at the jeweler’s box on the table.
“Yes, please”, I answered just to make her leave.

I took the cup for warmth; the coffee was way too bitter for me today.
You scrutinized the people passing by on the opposite side the window.

It was still raining.

“Shall I leave”, I asked, breaking the silence.

I knew you wanted to tell me to go, but you remained as silent as before.
Coffee grew colder; from far away I heard a dishwasher grumbling.

The coffee cups made me think of one of my favorite Bob Dylan songs. Below covered by Frazey Ford.

Friday Fictioneers, the exceptional center for 100 word flash-fiction. Rochelle does an excellent job of keeping it going… and it’s way more habit forming than the blackest of coffee.



September 26, 2018

88 responses to “One more cup of coffee

  1. I wonder what he asked? A proposal not gratefully received perhaps? The cold coffee seems to reflect their cooling relationship. Nice little vingette Bjorn.

  2. Poor man obviously misread his girlfriend’s feelings towards him or maybe marriage in general… why people choose public places, is beyond me.
    And I love Frazey Ford’s voice. It is so unique.

  3. One has to sympathize with the guy, whatever he asked, and I’m assuming it was a marriage proposal. And then, one wonders at her total lack of response, positive or negative. Maybe she was in a catatonic state 🙂

  4. that song is interesting and fit the mood you have us with your fiction.
    You could feel the somber vibe – the rain, the chill, the dishwasher noises….

  5. Dear Björn,

    The air crackled with the awkwardness between them. I hadn’t heard Frazey before. Love her voice. And thank your kind words. 😉 I find FF highly addictive. Next month marks my 6th anniversary as facilitator. No plans to quit anytime soon. 😀

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  6. You expertly use the surroundings of the coffee shop to conjure a mood, but what lifts this story to a higher level is the silence of the woman. What is she feeling? Embarrassment? Indecision? Anger? Regret that the narrator has spoiled a good friendship? Guilt – ah, there’s a likely one. She could well be thinking “What on earth did I do to give him the wrong idea?”, and trying to find the words to say so, and to somehow make him feel better. There is an awkwardness about the whole scene that implies something like that.
    Excellent writing, Bjorn!

  7. Superb piece, Bjorn.
    You capture the awkwardness exactly, I was squirming while I read it.
    And great song, of course, Bobby is still the man!

  8. I think this might mark a turning point in their relationship If she hasn’t already said no, I think all the signals are that she’s about to. Quite atmospheric.

  9. I like the gaps you left in the story that were indirectly answered by the words surrounding them. A gray mood you set here. Well done!

  10. silence is golden. she’s still thinking about his proposal through. he should give her all the time to make up her mind…. at least, until closing time.

  11. Oh dear, he got that one wrong. I hope she was just in shock because she comes across as quite ungracious and uncaring. This is packed full of emotion portrayed so well by silence and small movements, the hearing the dishwasher etc. Love it.

  12. Dear Bjorn
    You commented that it would be interesting if somebody wrote the scene from the girl’s pov. So I’ve had a go. It’s not as good as your story, in that it doesn’t evoke the mood as powerfully – but it was fun to do, and I hope it will be interesting to read!
    Shalom
    Penny

  13. I am drawn to the spaces in between and the reason for the silence. I doubt she is acting out of malice or spite but more along the lines of confusion and a desire to somehow make things right or turn back time. The awkward uncomfortableness between them is well written.

  14. Hard to see how two people can miscommunicate to the extent that one is convinced of the opposite of the truth. Woman being evasive or fakely nice, men being overconfident or singleminded. A recipe for disaster, orat any rate, hurt feelings.

  15. Oh my….I lived this. My ex asked me to marry him and I had to tell him no. I didn’t want to break up I just didn’t feel like it was time. But our relationship cooled dramatically after this. You’ve told it well.

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