A hiss of air,
a lighted fuse
the briefest bite of breath
before the bursts of bullet-barks
before our rage of roar and rumble,
before the rain and thunderstorms
before we rowed
before we tangled thoughts to knots
and fizzled to
a hiss of air.
Thunderstorm by Ivan Aivazovsky
A little play with words to be linked to Open Platform on toads.
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August 28, 2018
So atmospheric…especially like “bite of breath”
Such potent images in this one, Bjorn! Especially like; “the briefest bite of breath”.. ❤
Playful … yet sounds quite ominous.
Ah, anaphora gives it the rhythm it needs and the alliteration only adds into the pleasure. Must have been great fun writing it.
-HA
It’s the sound effects that stand out for me – and the sharp intake of breath before it all kicks off! I love the alliteration in ‘rage of roar and rumble’ and the metaphor ‘before we tangled thoughts to knots’.
I exercised a bit in preparation for my prompt on Thursday.
Aha! I’m looking forward to that!
I really like this one Bjorn, Hiss of air is a great audio and visual cue that immediately sets the senses on ten. Burst of bullet barks…yep. Loved this.
Hiss of air…what a wonderful way to say it! Love your play on words Bjorn!!
Like a balloon losing air …and then BOOM.
this is definitely a singing poem – or hissed – and it carries the impact with the repetitions and the wonderful use of phrases ~ it definitely has that darker, sharp quality to it …. it almost makes one want to argue, …
I enjoyed the suspense here. With this hiss of air must come some drama..no?
The repetition and alliteration pack a nice little punch here. There’s something very immediate and strong driving this piece. I really like it.
It makes me think how we become a storm only to expel our outrage into a hiss of hot air.
kaykuala
With a play of words one can end up fascinatingly engrossed in pursuing it in all directions!
Hank
A potent portrayal of a breaking storm that works on so many levels! Wonderfully done, Bjorn!
Wonderfully penned down and composed
Fantastic flow of hisses!
A remarkable example of the power of repetition and alliteration in creating rhythm and mood.. I felt that storm approaching.
This has such a delicate quality, before the bullets burst.