The first hiss

A hiss of air,
a lighted fuse

the briefest bite of breath
before the bursts of bullet-barks
before our rage of roar and rumble,
before the rain and thunderstorms
before we rowed
before we tangled thoughts to knots
and fizzled to

a hiss of air.

Thunderstorm by Ivan Aivazovsky

A little play with words to be linked to Open Platform on toads.

August 28, 2018

20 responses to “The first hiss

  1. Such potent images in this one, Bjorn! Especially like; “the briefest bite of breath”.. ❤

  2. It’s the sound effects that stand out for me – and the sharp intake of breath before it all kicks off! I love the alliteration in ‘rage of roar and rumble’ and the metaphor ‘before we tangled thoughts to knots’.

  3. I really like this one Bjorn, Hiss of air is a great audio and visual cue that immediately sets the senses on ten. Burst of bullet barks…yep. Loved this.

  4. this is definitely a singing poem – or hissed – and it carries the impact with the repetitions and the wonderful use of phrases ~ it definitely has that darker, sharp quality to it …. it almost makes one want to argue, …

  5. The repetition and alliteration pack a nice little punch here. There’s something very immediate and strong driving this piece. I really like it.

  6. kaykuala

    With a play of words one can end up fascinatingly engrossed in pursuing it in all directions!


  7. A remarkable example of the power of repetition and alliteration in creating rhythm and mood.. I felt that storm approaching.

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