A hiss of air,
a lighted fuse
the briefest bite of breath
before the bursts of bullet-barks
before our rage of roar and rumble,
before the rain and thunderstorms
before we rowed
before we tangled thoughts to knots
and fizzled to
a hiss of air.
A little play with words to be linked to Open Platform on toads.
August 28, 2018
So atmospheric…especially like “bite of breath”
Such potent images in this one, Bjorn! Especially like; “the briefest bite of breath”.. ❤
Playful … yet sounds quite ominous.
Ah, anaphora gives it the rhythm it needs and the alliteration only adds into the pleasure. Must have been great fun writing it.
It’s the sound effects that stand out for me – and the sharp intake of breath before it all kicks off! I love the alliteration in ‘rage of roar and rumble’ and the metaphor ‘before we tangled thoughts to knots’.
I exercised a bit in preparation for my prompt on Thursday.
Aha! I’m looking forward to that!
I really like this one Bjorn, Hiss of air is a great audio and visual cue that immediately sets the senses on ten. Burst of bullet barks…yep. Loved this.
Hiss of air…what a wonderful way to say it! Love your play on words Bjorn!!
Like a balloon losing air …and then BOOM.
this is definitely a singing poem – or hissed – and it carries the impact with the repetitions and the wonderful use of phrases ~ it definitely has that darker, sharp quality to it …. it almost makes one want to argue, …
I enjoyed the suspense here. With this hiss of air must come some drama..no?
The repetition and alliteration pack a nice little punch here. There’s something very immediate and strong driving this piece. I really like it.
It makes me think how we become a storm only to expel our outrage into a hiss of hot air.
With a play of words one can end up fascinatingly engrossed in pursuing it in all directions!
A potent portrayal of a breaking storm that works on so many levels! Wonderfully done, Bjorn!
Wonderfully penned down and composed
Fantastic flow of hisses!
A remarkable example of the power of repetition and alliteration in creating rhythm and mood.. I felt that storm approaching.
This has such a delicate quality, before the bullets burst.