Who did you meet?

Between a heartbeat and a sigh, you said
(as if with reason):
“We’ve reached an end”.
I noticed then, how close to treason words can be;
a precipice you never see,
how close to flying, falling is.

Your hands seem colder now, when flames
have iced to blame.

The sun’s an orange, moon is ice, and stars
have dulled from silver into scars.
My night is filled with fall of heavy feet,
suspicions, whispers, absent gasps

Who did you meet?

My bed sheets snakes around my chest;
and does it’s best
to compensate for absent limbs entwined.

Jealousy © Laszlo Moholy-Nagy

Jealousy © Laszlo Moholy-Nagy

Today it’s Victoria behind the bars at dVerse and she will give us some insight into the use of meter to give emotional impact to a poem. This might seem like free verse but I think I have used every iambic meter from dimeter to hexameter. Come join us when the bar opens at 3 PM EST.

June 16, 2016

32 responses to “Who did you meet?

  1. Scary and haunting write, Bjorn, it is a situation I fear and never want to find myself into. The closing image really seals the deal, like a pin going through the heart. Perhaps it is thin and easier to pull out than an arrow for example, but hurts non the less. The sneaky, sly, quiet, thumping pain.

  2. you are the man with the meter for sure – somehow you manage to make the rhythm unobtrusive and still find time for some dynamic thrusts of emotion
    “We’ve reached an end”.
    I noticed then, how close to treason words can be;”

  3. You ain’t afraid of no iambs–nice piece, brother. If you put together a book of poetry, & you have 100’s of poems to choose from now, our will have a built in audience for sure. You had me at /how close to flying, falling is/.

  4. Oh yes! The mixing up of the meter serves so well to emphasize the sadness and confusion of the speaker. This is a brilliant example of what that can do and in my comments (if I remember, ha) I want to sent people to read this. As someone mentions–this is haunting.

  5. I love the tale and alternating verses Bjorn. This one struck me most:

    My night is filled with fall of heavy feet,
    suspicions, whispers, absent gasps

  6. I can’t identify all the types of meter because I need to study more! 🙂 But I know a wonderful poem when I read it and I love how you wove his fear and suspicions so masterfully into this sad, moody tale. No one likes to find themselves in that position.

  7. A clever use of metre, Bjorn, that reflects the changing moods we have when rejected and betrayed by someone we love. Don’t feel you have to answer this, but how long did it take you to play around with the different metres?

  8. You sir, are a master of meter. Even with the different meter styles it still flows. It never felt forced to fit any demand other than the sharp stab of betrayal evoked .

    “I noticed then, how close to treason words can be;”

    “to compensate for absent limbs entwined.”

  9. I wouldn’t know each one by name if they bit me, but I do know the variances of meter in this are WONDERFUL, and solicit different emotions and depth of feeling throughout. And OH, the words.

    “a precipice you never see,
    how close to flying, falling is”

    “and stars
    have dulled from silver into scars.”

    And those last lines! Just wonderful.

  10. I do the same Bjorn, usually meter comes naturally to me but I too change words and will look them up while writing a poem. I like to do research on certain subjects and sometimes find new ideas to insert into my work. Sometimes the poems I write don’t change, but most of the time something does it’s just part of my writing habits. I will take notes when I’m out somewhere, come home and write a poem with them too. I enjoy writing so much and I know you do too!

    Sorry to go on, I get excited about writing. I loved your poem using all the examples of meter. I haven’t studied meter much so don’t know all the types but I do recognize it when I see it. It was interesting to see many different kinds in one work.

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