My car broke down, between des Moines
and heaven, there was hell
upon a hill, your lonely house,
I came at night for help.
I came a stranger to your door
you served me dinner, smiled,
and said I’ve got a room for you
I mumbled, stayed beguiled.
I was going somewhere when I came
but lingered, stayed to play your game
I’ve forgotten where I’ve came from
You, seductress lulled me numb
You draped me in your raven hair
spiderwebbed me, thrilled
me with your potions, left me pinned
beneath you when fulfilled.
I came a danger but was tamed,
you gave my name to stars
and singed me with your blazing brand
I’m yours, I’m staying scarred.
I was going somewhere when I came
but lingered, stayed to play your game
I’ve forgotten where I’ve came from
You, seductress lulled me numb
The road to heaven found me here
your house my haven, lost
entangled and bewitched, I stayed
with you, your skin and frost.
The road is overgrown with weed
I cannot leave, I cannot stay.
Your hair’s gone grey, but still your eyes
can tempt me for your plays.
I was going somewhere when I came
but lingered, stayed to play your game
I’ve forgotten where I’ve came from
You, seductress lulled me numb
My car broke down, between des Moines
and heaven, there was hell
upon a hill, our lonely house,
I came and stayed, was helped.
I was going somewhere when I came
but lingered, stayed to play your game
I’ve forgotten where I’ve came from
You, seductress lulled me numb.
Picture by me
Today Mish has the prompt at dVerse poetics and want us to write something like a song or singable… this piece which has a ballad like structure with refrain and a narrative I think would be possible to find a tune to… Let’s meet and sing in the bar when we open at 3 PM EST.
—
June 7, 2016
Björn Rudbergs writings 
Great writing, never boring Bjorn ☺ Its a nice miniaturised parallel to 100 Years of Solitude that I am working through, the beginning through to the end, life as we know it.
I had not thought of 100 years of solitude in a long time… I read the book back in the 80s so it’s been a long time since… (actually it’s one of those books everybody read when he got his prize).
Good piece, Bjorn. By the look of the car in the picture, he’s been there a long, long time. This had a great flow to it. Well done. 🙂 — Suzanne
i think a sorceress has her own way to make you stay,
Someone needs to set music to this ^_^
if I just knew how…
I have about 5 poems waiting for someone to say yes, they will collaborate. I have one buddy that is willing, but busy
Ha.. yes I wrote one a long time ago… maybe I will bring it up again
This would certainly be singable…would make great lyrics for a bluegrass tune (I can hear the banjos!). Your refrain is delightful. Also loved the way that the one line could be read as “And heaven, there was hell” and then follow that with the story of why there was hell…OR, if you read it as an enjambed line, it becomes “there was hell upon a hill”.
Actually the song that I had in mind (but reversed) was “One more cup of coffee..”… so yes blugrass or folk was very much on my mind.
reminded me a bit, too, of “house of the rising sun”
My hero in singable poetics, of course, is Leonard Cohen. This piece has that kind of gravitas, long with some voodoo sensuality; I will hum it for hours.
I look forward to hum yours.. 🙂
This is like a wonderful song, with its sweet rhythm. Loved it 🙂
It’s fun with song lyrics…
Forgive me, but it seems a guy’s dream? Still a fun read….
Ha maybe… but after all I’m a guy. Or maybe a guy’s nightmare depending if you want to stay or leave….
Love the story within the song. One of my favourites is “Last Resort” by The Eagles. The story builds but the message is consistent. I like this, Bjorn and I think Bryan is right about pairing it with a bluegrass tune.
Terrific ballading, Bjorn! Reminds me a bit of the Harry Chapin story-telling style.
Lovely, Bjorn.The refrain ‘I was going somewhere when I came’ is just perfect for the forgetfulness that washes over us when we are enthralled.
Gosh! Your lines have such a lovely rhythm all on their own 😀
Fantastic work Bjorn.
This is wonderful, fun–especially the refrain. Anyone can tell you’ve spent some time listening to Country Western–I really think you ought to try to sell this to someone.
you’re a good storyteller, Björn 🙂
I love this it almost makes a car breakdown sound like fun or the best part of a journey!
I love the ballad specially these lines:
I came a danger but was tamed,
you gave my name to stars
and singed me with your blazing brand
I’m yours, I’m staying scarred.
I will be scared if my car broke down even on my street ~ Great song-writing here Bjorn ~
Great lyrical composition, Bjorn! I like this!
I love the dreamy rhythm in this.
It would have to be 3 before you’d be in the right frame of mind to want to hear me sing. Love the song! It has to be the only musical reference to Des Moines ever. That alone may give you hero status in Iowa, Bjorn.
Bjorn – I really enjoyed this song – seduction and mysterious places makes for great lyrics.
I would love to hear this song story
Bjorn I was singing this wonderful piece, – it was crying out to be sung – but my melody might not be yours.
Somewhere between heaven and Des Moines is a great place to break down! I’m thinking maybe your radiator overheated…
So late to my reading here — enjoying this I am. Being an Iowa gal from way back when….loving this stop between DesMoines and heaven — and really like the old beat up car. I can imagine hearing this ballad…
This was a trip to read out loud – what a cadence. Half way through, I started channeling late ’50’s / early ’60’s beat generation coffee house. Pass the bongos, please.
An epic! And mix of Carly Simon, Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen and so many others on the road through the years, with a bit more, of cinematopic depth…the enchantress, yes, and yet…..description just tinged with entrapments, albeit willing ones…
Broken cars and terrible women! A song for the brave only I think. Perhaps a Punk tinge?
I really liked the idea of reading other poems than one’s own on link night. This is one I’d definitely like to read.
Loved this Bjorn! I got sidetracked and temporarily derailed for a weekend, in a similar fashion in1970, Tucson AZ. It happened, but very much like a dream — few words spoken.
I was totally gonna say, this could be a song!
“between des Moines
and heaven” … that is so perfect
The repetition and creative images are very effective. I especially like this one:
“You draped me in your raven hair
spiderwebbed me”
This type of story tends to make an excellent topic for books and movies.
Fabulous, fabulous reading tonight, Bjorn! Wow 😀 I especially liked; “The road to heaven found me here your house my haven, lost entangled and bewitched, I stayed with you, your skin and frost.”💝💝
It was great to hear you read this, Bjorn. I’m glad you continued with the horror theme 🙂 I especially liked the third stanza but the repetition is haunting and reads like a gothic fairy tale.
This is how Circe got to Ulysses
An entire novel here.
“I cannot leave, I cannot stay.” is such a perfect encapsulation of the world right now. (K)
Songs on paper (even virtual) are a challenge because some half is only inferred – the music — the reader has to work out the chord changes. But half a skeleton works for romance (heavens, what are we to do with wings?) and this half-in half-out seduction and entrapment has a witchy weirdlight that figures the rest is fatal incarnation. Well done.
Certainly songlike and also has a cinematic feel!
I loved hearing you read this, Björn. I agree with Ingrid that there is a cinematic feel. Once the song is written, you’ll have to do a video!
Very lyrical! Wound sound great as a song. It was wonderful listening to you.
I am sorry….would sound…