My car broke down

My car broke down, between des Moines
and heaven, there was hell
upon a hill, your lonely house,
I came at night for help.
I came a stranger to your door
you served me dinner, smiled,
and said I’ve got a room for you
I mumbled, stayed beguiled.

I was going somewhere when I came
but lingered, stayed to play your game
I’ve forgotten where I’ve came from
You, seductress lulled me numb

You draped me in your raven hair
spiderwebbed me, thrilled
me with your potions, left me pinned
beneath you when fulfilled.
I came a danger but was tamed,
you gave my name to stars
and singed me with your blazing brand
I’m yours, I’m staying scarred.

I was going somewhere when I came
but lingered, stayed to play your game
I’ve forgotten where I’ve came from
You, seductress lulled me numb

The road to heaven found me here
your house my haven, lost
entangled and bewitched, I stayed
with you, your skin and frost.
The road is overgrown with weed
I cannot leave, I cannot stay.
Your hair’s gone grey, but still your eyes
can tempt me for your plays.

I was going somewhere when I came
but lingered, stayed to play your game
I’ve forgotten where I’ve came from
You, seductress lulled me numb

My car broke down, between des Moines
and heaven, there was hell
upon a hill, our lonely house,
I came and stayed, was helped.
I was going somewhere when I came
but lingered, stayed to play your game
I’ve forgotten where I’ve came from
You, seductress lulled me numb.

Picture by me

Picture by me

Today Mish has the prompt at dVerse poetics and want us to write something like a song or singable… this piece which has a ballad like structure with refrain and a narrative I think would be possible to find a tune to… Let’s meet and sing in the bar when we open at 3 PM EST.

June 7, 2016

34 responses to “My car broke down

  1. Great writing, never boring Bjorn ☺ Its a nice miniaturised parallel to 100 Years of Solitude that I am working through, the beginning through to the end, life as we know it.

    • I had not thought of 100 years of solitude in a long time… I read the book back in the 80s so it’s been a long time since… (actually it’s one of those books everybody read when he got his prize).

  2. This would certainly be singable…would make great lyrics for a bluegrass tune (I can hear the banjos!). Your refrain is delightful. Also loved the way that the one line could be read as “And heaven, there was hell” and then follow that with the story of why there was hell…OR, if you read it as an enjambed line, it becomes “there was hell upon a hill”.

  3. My hero in singable poetics, of course, is Leonard Cohen. This piece has that kind of gravitas, long with some voodoo sensuality; I will hum it for hours.

  4. Love the story within the song. One of my favourites is “Last Resort” by The Eagles. The story builds but the message is consistent. I like this, Bjorn and I think Bryan is right about pairing it with a bluegrass tune.

  5. Lovely, Bjorn.The refrain ‘I was going somewhere when I came’ is just perfect for the forgetfulness that washes over us when we are enthralled.

  6. This is wonderful, fun–especially the refrain. Anyone can tell you’ve spent some time listening to Country Western–I really think you ought to try to sell this to someone.

  7. I love the ballad specially these lines:

    I came a danger but was tamed,
    you gave my name to stars
    and singed me with your blazing brand
    I’m yours, I’m staying scarred.

    I will be scared if my car broke down even on my street ~ Great song-writing here Bjorn ~

  8. It would have to be 3 before you’d be in the right frame of mind to want to hear me sing. Love the song! It has to be the only musical reference to Des Moines ever. That alone may give you hero status in Iowa, Bjorn.

  9. Somewhere between heaven and Des Moines is a great place to break down! I’m thinking maybe your radiator overheated…

  10. So late to my reading here — enjoying this I am. Being an Iowa gal from way back when….loving this stop between DesMoines and heaven — and really like the old beat up car. I can imagine hearing this ballad…

  11. This was a trip to read out loud – what a cadence. Half way through, I started channeling late ’50’s / early ’60’s beat generation coffee house. Pass the bongos, please.

I try to reciprocate all comments. If you want me to visit a particular post, please direct me directly to that post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s