Breeze me tender; move
your hands along and graze
my ribs unbroken.
Mend me, be the river
for my willow-roots.
Blend forevers to caesuras, left
between my heartbeats.
Oxygen my vacuum,
walk beside me to the sea and
dance me dizzy in its waves.
Dance by Alphonse Mucha
Today it’s Quadrille at dVerse, and I’m behind the bar. Write a poem using exactly 44 words and use the word breeze in the main body of your poem. Join us when we open at 3 PM EST.
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May 30, 2016
The Quantumverse
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Beautiful. Inspired me to attempt a quadrille!
Quadrilles are so fun…
Agree!
That piece flows so smoothly, Bjorn. I love the descriptions, the metaphors. Lovely. Bjorn. Well written. 🙂 — Suzanne
It would be great if you would join this challenge… 44 words including the word breeze.
I’m so glad I read this, Bjorn. Thank you for writing it and making my day more beautiful.
I hope you will join tonight too… Quadrilles have become my new favorite prompt.
I already had my poem ready after reading yours! I’ve not written a Quadrille before – I do like the format.
I think it’s a fun format… I think 44 words often make fantastic poems.
Yes, it’s a great format, especially as it’s free verse, other than the word limit.
Lovely love poem Bjorn! I haven’t been keeping track, but it looks like you got at least a few of the previous quadrille words in there too!
I think I used dance at least… but we do have a list to keep track of them.
“Mend me, be the river
for my willow-roots.” I just love these two lines. I wish I had had the brains to have something like this in our wedding vows, but we kept it traditional. That is just a beautiful sentiment and so much what true love really is.
Thank you… I did enjoy to write this.. somehow metaphors come easy to me.
It was a joy to read
This is my favorite part:
Mend me, be the river
for my willow-roots.
Beautiful quadrille Bjorn 🙂
Thank you… I had fun writing this one.
Oh, the verbs. Fantastic.
And THIS:
“be the river
for my willow-roots.”
I did enjoy it, and I do love to use the words as verbs… I want words that can double up as verbs, especially with object.
“dance me dizzy” how I love that phrase. This is super!
I want to be dizzied…
….. until I fall down 🙂
This is absolutely beautiful. I love ‘be the river for my willow-roots.’ The mythical feel is gorgeous.
Thank you.. I enjoyed finding metaphors.
The title drew me back to reconsider this poem. There is a plea in the opening line and an asking for a promise (pledge) in every line that follows. Really beautiful! The joy of any limiting form is the challenge of using the exactly right words and scraping away the extraneous. Thank you for hosting!
It is a plea for pledge… and yes it’s the sparseness of the form that make me love it more.
Breeze me tender; move
your hands along and graze
my ribs unbroken.
Bjorn, you do in my language what many who grew up with it will never do. Now, if I could do the same in Norwegian (native language of one of my family’s branches) I would be a poet. Your work is always excellent.
Maybe I can break some rules I would never do in Swedish… sometimes I see it as an advantage to write in second language.
It would be. Unfortunately, my German is nicht so gut. It also isn’t very poetic to my ear.
Much enjoyed. The “willow-roots” line’s my favorite, too.
Thank you… that line seems to work well.
Love the verbs you create in this alluring poem.
Your verb prompt is one of my favorite ever… now I take every word and see if can be used as verb. Preferably with an object.
Ah, a very seductive poem – be the river for my willow roots..beautiful..
I think we all love the interdependence
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Wow! Clever use of metaphors all weaved to form a beautiful piece. Well done, Bjorn. 😀 I especially love this part, “Blend forevers to caesuras… ” A very beautiful pledge.
I do love caesuras… that pause says so much more.
True! 🙂
This is lovely,,:-)
Oh .. thank you, I hope you will try the prompt. 44 words is a perfect lenght
Absolutely wonderful — so many wonderful lines….river for my willow roots….and the last line. Enjoyed so very much.
And thank you for the prompt! It’s a great one!
I did enjoy the result this week… 🙂
Just finished reading them all ==== enjoyed every one! 🙂 Just a great prompt! 🙂
I love the second stanza. The first one is beautiful but the second one is fresh and sounds more like your “voice”
Thank you.. I love doing 44 word poems… so addictive.
Pledge is a cleaner/dusting agent, and it also houses the word “ledge,” which makes me think of standing on one.
I LOVE that this might be about you talking to your can of breeze-scented Pledge, writing it a love poem and asking it to do all of this stuff to you because its scent is that seductive. 🙂
It also says “pled G” … which means something specific to me, but probably not to anyone else … so never mind that.
If this is about a girl, the first line break means that you want her to move … either to where you live, or to just move her body … like to wiggle/dance for you. Hey, maybe you’re talking to a stripper. You’re asking her to touch you, gently. Even just to caress your face. That’s the scene I’m painting now. This is one of those guys who frequents such a place and falls in love with a dancer. (I saw a documentary about this recently, at the end of which the man killed the girl because she wouldn’t give in to him.)
I love your line breaks in this. You squeeze out a lot of extra meaning that way. Like, not only do you want her to graze you as in touch you every-so-softly, but you also want her to eat on you … along your ribs. And the way you’ve worded this means that you believe that if she eats you like you want her to, then the process of her putting her lips to your skin will actually heal your broken bones. It will un-break you if you can feel her in that way.
“be the river” … Inside of “river” is “rare IV.” So you’re asking her to be that for you … that oh-so-hard-to-get medicine that will heal you.
“willow roots” = “will ow-rue T.S.” (hurting the poet, breaking his heart) … I always make words that end in “ts” about T.S. Eliot … and I also imagine them making a tssss sound, like butter doing a belly-flop into a hot pan.
“Blend forevers to caesuras, left” … “B/lend forevers to sea-sure-a’s, left.” Back to your siren girl. But that’s their way … to surface for a while, woo you, and then dip back down. That’s the allure.
“between my heartbeats” … So the up and down must be very quick.
“Oxygen my vacuum” … I LOVE this line. I also read it as “oxygenate my vacuous um.” 🙂 In other words, “Fill me up with interesting stuff, ’cause otherwise, I’m kinda bored.”
In the closing lines, I think you’re asking your siren to take you into the sea with her … even if it kills you. I think the oxygen line might mean that you are willing to wear an oxygen tank if she’ll take you into the water with her … to keep you alive, not destroy you.
Oh yes… this is such an alternative interpretation… the wind or a girl… maybe they are the same… In one of my favorite poems, the wind is a lover, and the poem is about jealousy… alas it’s in Swedish, and I have found no good translations.
Reads very much like a seduction, Bjorn. Well done!
Oh I think it might be… to seduce and be seduced… the wind is the best of metaphors.
Another splendid piece. “Blend forevers to caesuras, left
between my heartbeats” – lovely and edifying, to boot. It sent me sussing out caesuras and – WOW! I’m thinking I could have used that device, so many times in my poetry. I suspect there’ll be far less
“. . . ing” mid-line, from here on in – replaced by the captivating || – masculine or feminine, no less. Who knew??? .
I think caesuras are great in poetry.. they should be loaded with meaning… if they are midline or as line-breaks matters less for me.
dance me dizzy in its waves.
To pledge some time to be with a loved one is a noble thing. More so when both are together enjoying each other’s company.
Hank
I like the little contrast in “graze my ribs unbroken” and “Mend me…” The use of “breeze” and “oxygen” as verbs added passion in this pledge.
Gorgeous images!
I love your verbs, Bjorn!