Pledge

Breeze me tender; move
your hands along and graze
my ribs unbroken.

Mend me, be the river
for my willow-roots.

Blend forevers to caesuras, left
between my heartbeats.

Oxygen my vacuum,
walk beside me to the sea and
dance me dizzy in its waves.

Dance by Alphonse Mucha

Dance by Alphonse Mucha

Today it’s Quadrille at dVerse, and I’m behind the bar. Write a poem using exactly 44 words and use the word breeze in the main body of your poem. Join us when we open at 3 PM EST.
—-
May 30, 2016

56 responses to “Pledge

  1. Lovely love poem Bjorn! I haven’t been keeping track, but it looks like you got at least a few of the previous quadrille words in there too!

  2. “Mend me, be the river
    for my willow-roots.” I just love these two lines. I wish I had had the brains to have something like this in our wedding vows, but we kept it traditional. That is just a beautiful sentiment and so much what true love really is.

  3. The title drew me back to reconsider this poem. There is a plea in the opening line and an asking for a promise (pledge) in every line that follows. Really beautiful! The joy of any limiting form is the challenge of using the exactly right words and scraping away the extraneous. Thank you for hosting!

  4. Breeze me tender; move
    your hands along and graze
    my ribs unbroken.

    Bjorn, you do in my language what many who grew up with it will never do. Now, if I could do the same in Norwegian (native language of one of my family’s branches) I would be a poet. Your work is always excellent.

  5. Pingback: Summer Breeze | Doodles and Scribbles·

  6. Wow! Clever use of metaphors all weaved to form a beautiful piece. Well done, Bjorn. 😀 I especially love this part, “Blend forevers to caesuras… ” A very beautiful pledge.

  7. Absolutely wonderful — so many wonderful lines….river for my willow roots….and the last line. Enjoyed so very much.
    And thank you for the prompt! It’s a great one!

  8. I love the second stanza. The first one is beautiful but the second one is fresh and sounds more like your “voice”

  9. Pledge is a cleaner/dusting agent, and it also houses the word “ledge,” which makes me think of standing on one.

    I LOVE that this might be about you talking to your can of breeze-scented Pledge, writing it a love poem and asking it to do all of this stuff to you because its scent is that seductive. 🙂

    It also says “pled G” … which means something specific to me, but probably not to anyone else … so never mind that.

    If this is about a girl, the first line break means that you want her to move … either to where you live, or to just move her body … like to wiggle/dance for you. Hey, maybe you’re talking to a stripper. You’re asking her to touch you, gently. Even just to caress your face. That’s the scene I’m painting now. This is one of those guys who frequents such a place and falls in love with a dancer. (I saw a documentary about this recently, at the end of which the man killed the girl because she wouldn’t give in to him.)

    I love your line breaks in this. You squeeze out a lot of extra meaning that way. Like, not only do you want her to graze you as in touch you every-so-softly, but you also want her to eat on you … along your ribs. And the way you’ve worded this means that you believe that if she eats you like you want her to, then the process of her putting her lips to your skin will actually heal your broken bones. It will un-break you if you can feel her in that way.

    “be the river” … Inside of “river” is “rare IV.” So you’re asking her to be that for you … that oh-so-hard-to-get medicine that will heal you.

    “willow roots” = “will ow-rue T.S.” (hurting the poet, breaking his heart) … I always make words that end in “ts” about T.S. Eliot … and I also imagine them making a tssss sound, like butter doing a belly-flop into a hot pan.

    “Blend forevers to caesuras, left” … “B/lend forevers to sea-sure-a’s, left.” Back to your siren girl. But that’s their way … to surface for a while, woo you, and then dip back down. That’s the allure.

    “between my heartbeats” … So the up and down must be very quick.

    “Oxygen my vacuum” … I LOVE this line. I also read it as “oxygenate my vacuous um.” 🙂 In other words, “Fill me up with interesting stuff, ’cause otherwise, I’m kinda bored.”

    In the closing lines, I think you’re asking your siren to take you into the sea with her … even if it kills you. I think the oxygen line might mean that you are willing to wear an oxygen tank if she’ll take you into the water with her … to keep you alive, not destroy you.

    • Oh yes… this is such an alternative interpretation… the wind or a girl… maybe they are the same… In one of my favorite poems, the wind is a lover, and the poem is about jealousy… alas it’s in Swedish, and I have found no good translations.

  10. Another splendid piece. “Blend forevers to caesuras, left
    between my heartbeats” – lovely and edifying, to boot. It sent me sussing out caesuras and – WOW! I’m thinking I could have used that device, so many times in my poetry. I suspect there’ll be far less
    “. . . ing” mid-line, from here on in – replaced by the captivating || – masculine or feminine, no less. Who knew??? .

  11. dance me dizzy in its waves.

    To pledge some time to be with a loved one is a noble thing. More so when both are together enjoying each other’s company.

    Hank

  12. I like the little contrast in “graze my ribs unbroken” and “Mend me…” The use of “breeze” and “oxygen” as verbs added passion in this pledge.

I try to reciprocate all comments. If you want me to visit a particular post, please direct me directly to that post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s