The young man hesitated before he left; the house foreclosed was empty, furniture collected, walls repainted, but on the kitchen counter was their jar of batteries; collected; ready for recycling.
Each battery,, told its own unique story:
The flashlight they had used on their first camping trip.
The patio music they had listened to when they first made love.
The camera for wedding pictures.
The baby monitor that didn’t work when it should have.
The bicycle lamp not strong enough to be seen by an oncoming truck.
He brought his jar of memories, forever leaving the home they never built.
This was one of the first pictures I ever wrote to, and I really wanted to retell the story in new words. As a matter of fact it’s inspired by one of the very best short stories ever written. Half a Sheet of Foolscap by August Strindberg . It is a very short story, and it could probably pass for flashfiction today.
Friday Fictioneers is managed by Rochelle Wissoff-Fields, and each week we write to the same picture. Go to her site and find your own story or indulge yourself in other stories. You can also click on the link below to reach the other stories.
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March 2, 2016
Dear Björn,
We have a jar of wine corks like this. I find the jar of batteries intriguing. Did then, do now, which is why I chose it as one of the first prompts I posted as the Fairy Blog Mother. Sweet story. There’s something nice about revisiting, isn’t there? I did some minor tweaking to mine.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I think we don’t but I can see how such a jar would become like a memory bank of events in the past.
I read both the versions. keep Going.
Thank you… I write every week… so this was fun…
I think we all have a special jar, but for some it exists in our minds. Lovely story.
Thank you… it’s a story I really wanted to edit and rewrite again
This really tugged at the heart-strings. What a unique way to view used batteries. Lovely.
It was one of my first prompts, and a story I really wanted to rewrite… the short story of August Strindberg shows how powerful a list can be…
I’m going to read it when I stop for lunch.
‘forever leaving the home they never built.’
This line is so sad but true for so many people.
Yes… we only know how precious a moment can be when it’s lost.
Whatever happens, we always have our memories (jar of trinkets or not). Great response to the pic.
We do have those… sometimes we just have to have those little things to remember them by.
Good story.
Thank you…
This made me cry.
“The baby monitor that didn’t work when it should have.
The bicycle lamp not strong enough to be seen by an oncoming truck.
He brought his jar of memories, forever leaving the home they never built.”
Again, this reminds me of The Affair … how they had this beautiful marriage, until a mack truck slammed into the side of their house when their baby drowned.
Oh, your double meaning in “jar” is very effective.
I have never seen that movie… but yes basically all has gone to pieces for the poor man left.
I would imagine. But who knows what beautiful things will come for him in a new house? Surely there is magic left. It all has to do with attitude, I think. What you believe can happen. What you decide will happen. If you give up, there is death. If you get up, there is life and death.
It’s a great story – loved it. Such a unique construction too. Well done.
I think the human brain’s ability to connect items on a list to a story is amazing.
Almost a catalogue of disasters, I hope the wedding photographs turned out OK.
Oh.. they are sad memories.
It seems such a good idea for a memory bank and don’t we need those to remind us who we are or where we came from. Our stories that we need to tell.
Oh, so sad, Bjorn. I was expecting sweet memories, and then came the bicycle lamp! You took me on a wonderful journey . It reminded me of a well constructed piece of music. Well done.
Yes.. it is sad… the bicycle lamp and the babymonitor that didn’t work contain such sad elements.
The title tells it all – then you add such lovely detail. Much of this man’s life is told within your 100 words.
Still a young man… he has to find a new path in life.
That’s brilliant Bjorn, using each battery to tell a whole tale of it’s own within the overall one.
A jar full of stories… 🙂
A truly tragic depiction. I never thought to keep batteries of memories but I won’t forget it either.
I think they might become memories….
That brought a tear to my eye Bjorn! Beautiful writing and has left me wanting my own jar of memories. 🙂
I think you already have one… I just hope you never has to face the sorrow when you realize it…
Wow…that got me!
It does… a life can fall apart for so many reasons…
Superb, Bjorn.
And, I think, much better written than your first version.
I really like to have a second chance on a story… the concept is really powerful…
i liked your post and of course it inspired me to read the other story, thanks
I read the original in school, and I was deeply moved by it..
The baby monitor was breaking my heart a bit, and then what followed. Poor guy, beautiful story.
It is heartbreaking… and you do need so little to tie it together.
Your poetic soul shines through every word. Beautiful.
Thank you… I think stories should be told in poetry.
What a touching story — very sad, very tender, beautifully written!
Thank you… Loved to take a second chance to rewrite a story….
WHOA! Packed a wallop, Bjorn! Your usual quality hasn’t diminished, just has gotten better. One of the best I have read so far. How have you been?
I have been great… so good to see you back… I learn new things to write every day.
Nicely retold and the ending packs a punch.
Oh Bjorn – you’ve broken my heart with this onw.
each battery, a memory. truly great story.
I like the way you used the prompt like a time capsule of memories. Too bad about the bicycle lamp.
The stories those batteries could tell…. A very unusual collection? NIce twist of thinking!
This line “The bicycle lamp not strong enough to be seen by an oncoming truck.” was powerful. I was enjoying all of the memories and then this line was a power punch. I liked the way you put it there to coordinate with the intense finale. A fabulous story.
Isadora 😎
This story tells so much – the line about the baby monitor is chilling. Glad you continue to be a part of this group!
I love the telling of this Bjorn. How the batteries not only each hold their own story, but in revealing them, you are describing the downward spiraling of their lives. Well done. I’d like to read this story. Hard not to when it’s the “best ever.” I can’t pass that up!
Very sad story – everything has fallen apart for this poor chap.
Wow! Just terrific … Except now I ‘m so damn depressed!
Really sad story, Bjorn. It’s a shame he didn’t have more happy reasons to collect them. Powerful piece. Well done. — Suzanne
Mementoes of past events are powerful. I like how you’ve told this story, Bjorn. Very moving.