“Down below… you have to dig deeper”
The four men were masked, clad in rubber clothing, they had spades, but mostly they tore through the grass and mud with gloved hands.
“I’m sure it’s here”
“This is the tenth place you’ve showed us, man.”
“It was dark then, but it has to be here… it was somewhere here.”
Suddenly one of the men jumped back.
“Plastic bag, something heavy inside, come and help.”
With frenzied movements men gathered, gently pulling the bag, while the shackled man, tears streaming from his eyes, whispered to himself:
“Forgive me Jane, it’s finally over.”
This week the image immediately took me to a forensic scene, there is a lot in the news about murders here in Sweden, so probably that’s why. I think it’s not too uncommon that murderers sooner or later begins to tell, and just maybe they might want to tell, where to find their victims.
Friday fictioneers attracts writers from all over the world, to write a story in hundred words, under the leadership of Superintendent Rochelle. What do you see in Dale’s picture?
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October 28, 2015
Björn Rudbergs writings 
That a chilling one! >
Indeed…
Poor Jane.
Good piece Bjorn.
The bogs are crying.
Dear Björn,
I’m guessing it’s Jane in the bag? Creepy and chilling. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I think it’s the poor miss Doe
This is awful!!! You know, great writing, but an awful story! Goodness.
“they tore through the grass and mud with gloved hands” … This is my favorite part; great sound.
If he’s sad about killing her, I’m guessing it was either an accident or it was an unplanned fit of rage that led to her demise. It sounds like maybe he was glad to get caught though, which let him off the hook in a way, even though he’d then have to be punished; he probably needed the relief from her haunting him. Maybe she did him more damage (through memory and his own self-inflicted mental torment) than the authorities could ever do.
Many criminals feel relief when they can admit and begin to tell the truth..
I’m sure! … By the way, I love that photograph! It looks like tentacles to me — some kind of ocean creature coming up from the ground somehow. But when the picture’s bigger, I can see roots and/or some metal thingies. Really cool. I love close-ups that skew perspective. … Where is this prompt?
The link is on the bottom text.. 100 words to the same picture…
I found it; thank you. Very cool. I’ll try to come up with something. … Hey, let me know if you want an invite to my private blog. It’s just dumb stuff … quotes, artsy things, random blatherings about my life. But if you’re interested, just email me so that I’ll have your address and can invite you.
Ah.. my email is brudberg@gmail.com I cannot find yours 🙂
So happy you like my picture, Paper Sea! 😉
I simply adore the title.
Thank you… yes I just wondered what was hidden when i saw the picture.
I think you’re right, Björn. Most criminals must feel a strong sense of relief to finally tell and let go of their crime. Well written!
I truly think it helps… even if the punishment is the same.
Yes…peace inside
Unusual take on the prompt. Well done.
Ha.. I thought it was an obvious one. 🙂
Oh! What a great twist at the end!
Ha. Flashfiction is all about those twists… 🙂
This criminal–confessing or not–gives me the chills. Beautifully written, as always.
I got a sense of something more than pipes hidden underneath… yes chills and plastic bags..
So chilling and wow!!!
I love how you tell this story so well.
Fiction is a lot of fun to write actually… it gives a little break from poetry.
In deed it does.
I miss reading your work. I haven’t seen you post anything lately.
I posted a piece yesterday… I would love to see you at dVerse.. tomorrow it’s Open Link… and I will be tending the bar.
I’ll see. Tomorrow I’m assuming is all goes? No topics?
No topics… every second Thursday… you’re welcome with any poem… and it’s tomorrow 3PM EST.
okay. Thank you sir. 🙂
Ha, love this! I’ve read a lot of short stories by Swedish crime writers in the past year (the anthology “A Darker Shade”) and this could fit right in.
Ah.. I take that as a great compliment-
Chilling and well written. But of course murder stories are chilling and well gruesome. Well done Bjorn. 🙂
🙂 murder is actually worse if it’s understated.
Like the idea and most of the execution, just not totally sold on the last line. For me just saying “Forgive me, Jane” would have have worked better. The “it’s finally over” bit takes the edge off his apology – sort of washes it away. Nit picking but last lines are always important for me in these little stories.
I like that point.. I’m very careful to do it in exactly 100 words.. But I might revise the story.. 🙂
Just my thoughts, I’m sure others will disagree. See you next week!
The picture does seem to provide the perfect watery grave. I’m glad you saw that and went with it. Alicia
After seeing it I couldn’t get that out of my mind.
nice story…left me wanting more
Ah… yes there is always more isn’t it.
It’s deep and dark – secrets and murders and I love all that! But it’s not me. Just saying in case…
Lily
Ha.. no I think the man in shackles is the one to blame.
Bleak, brutal, brilliant.
Great stuff once again, Bjorn.
A little forensic slime is always cheerful
Very creative story, I enjoyed this!
Thank you 🙂
Definitely, a thriller-chilly story! That was a great scene, tersely narrated — well-done.
Thank you.. a little noir..
Chilling work here – loved it. Made me think of the very recent ‘child’s skeleton in a suitcase’ crime here in Australia.
Anyway – creepy and well written.
KT
I had not heard that one.. but now there’s a child in a trunk in Germany.. so yes things seems to happen
Oh, this is very eerie. Poor Jane. May she rest in peace & may the perpetrators be punished!
I think the perpetrator see this as an end to his punishment actually
Wonder if there are other places he knows about. Chilling end.
I think there might… especially since there are usually more miss Does
Great piece, Bjorn. This is very realistic and very scary. It must take special people to do work like that. The description is excellent. Well written. —- Suzanne
I hope it’s not anybody can do… I hope there is a gene or something…
Great story, I like that I was wondering what was going on (treasure hunters maybe?) until right at the end when it all became clear.
Yes a little conceit is always nice to do.
If the depths could speak what secrets they would reveal. Loved the forensic approach.
Somehow if I see a scene like this, I think about what could be hidden underneath.
Good story. I wasn’t sure what they were looking for at first. Really reveals a lot in the end. The man is in shackles and he is showing where he dumped her body.
Indeed.. and I think he feel good about having come forth finally.
No way, Jane. Haunt his ass!
I think that’s what brought him there…
he led them to her. it would be a good start for justice to be served and allow her loved ones to move on.
I hope so… unless her last name was Doe of course.
I thought Sweden was supposed to have one of the world’s lowest murder rates. There is certainly more than enough of it in USA.
You definitely made it a chilling murder scene. Well written. 🙂
The masked men lead me to believe that they were looking for treasure…..good twist at the end there.
Intrigue…I love it!
I’ve heard of murders leading the cops to a body. I guess some have a conscious, or at least a shred of remorse after all.
Or at least a sense of relief to tell…
Well written scene Bjorn. At least Jane and her family can find some peace, and maybe the killer’s conscience will too
Wow, sudden impact all right! Good story.
This is great. I love the tone of it, and the buildup of tension as they search is gripping. The murderer’s an interesting character – with obvious regret at what he’s done.
You can feel the desperation in his “its got to be here.” I however got it wrong and it was a great twist my baddies were your goodies and my goodie was the baddy. Great tale. Realistic ++ and the twist for me was great.
A killer’s remorse? Good story.
Interesting take on the photo. I think I’ll stay away from murky water…no telling what lies beneath!
When loved ones can be rested…. it is always better. Well done.