Secrets, deeper down below

“Down below… you have to dig deeper”

The four men were masked, clad in rubber clothing, they had spades, but mostly they tore through the grass and mud with gloved hands.

“I’m sure it’s here”

“This is the tenth place you’ve showed us, man.”

“It was dark then, but it has to be here… it was somewhere here.”

Suddenly one of the men jumped back.

“Plastic bag, something heavy inside, come and help.”

With frenzied movements men gathered, gently pulling the bag, while the shackled man, tears streaming from his eyes, whispered to himself:

“Forgive me Jane, it’s finally over.”

This week the image immediately took me to a forensic scene, there is a lot in the news about murders here in Sweden, so probably that’s why. I think it’s not too uncommon that murderers sooner or later begins to tell, and just maybe they might want to tell, where to find their victims.

Friday fictioneers attracts writers from all over the world, to write a story in hundred words, under the leadership of Superintendent Rochelle. What do you see in Dale’s picture?

October 28, 2015

81 responses to “Secrets, deeper down below

  1. This is awful!!! You know, great writing, but an awful story! Goodness.

    “they tore through the grass and mud with gloved hands” … This is my favorite part; great sound.

    If he’s sad about killing her, I’m guessing it was either an accident or it was an unplanned fit of rage that led to her demise. It sounds like maybe he was glad to get caught though, which let him off the hook in a way, even though he’d then have to be punished; he probably needed the relief from her haunting him. Maybe she did him more damage (through memory and his own self-inflicted mental torment) than the authorities could ever do.

  2. I think you’re right, Björn. Most criminals must feel a strong sense of relief to finally tell and let go of their crime. Well written!

  3. Ha, love this! I’ve read a lot of short stories by Swedish crime writers in the past year (the anthology “A Darker Shade”) and this could fit right in.

  4. Like the idea and most of the execution, just not totally sold on the last line. For me just saying “Forgive me, Jane” would have have worked better. The “it’s finally over” bit takes the edge off his apology – sort of washes it away. Nit picking but last lines are always important for me in these little stories.

  5. Chilling work here – loved it. Made me think of the very recent ‘child’s skeleton in a suitcase’ crime here in Australia.
    Anyway – creepy and well written.

  6. Great piece, Bjorn. This is very realistic and very scary. It must take special people to do work like that. The description is excellent. Well written. —- Suzanne

  7. This is great. I love the tone of it, and the buildup of tension as they search is gripping. The murderer’s an interesting character – with obvious regret at what he’s done.

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