Emma’s bare feet pounded hard asphalt, she was too late. Running she passed deserted houses.
The power company had assured that radiation levels were within the approved levels. Still they insisted on immediate evacuation. It had to be serious this time.
Jefferson was doomed, still the sun was brighter than ever.
Heartbeats, wet with sweat, she stumbled, vision blurred.
She reached the bus-station, screaming.
“Wait for me!”
Fat Bob with family was ready to board the last bus out of Jefferson.
The bus swayed as Bob entered the bus. A sign reading “maximum capacity 3 tons”.
She would be left behind.
It is three years since Rochelle took over running Friday Fictioneers, and this almost coincides with my first entry. Friday Fictioneers is one of my favorite places, to exercise my writing. I try to keep it to exactly 100 words. This time I decided to rewrite my old story.
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October 21, 2015
Björn Rudbergs writings 
So Fat Bob and family had to spoilt it… 😕
Indeed… the say that gluttony is lethal..
More ways than one…
Poor Emma. I wonder if Fat Bob will contemplate that another soul might have been saved if he’d been less of a glutton.
The doctor always told Bob that gluttony is lethal, But Bob didn’t think it concerned him, and he was proven right.
Damn those officious drivers. They could have made room for Skinny Emma.
I have a hope that they could have done that.. but you know, there’s always another bus
Darkly humorous, Bjorn, loved it.
It is a little rewritten, but it was my second entry into FF….
Ew, an evacuation that’s reliant on busing. Bad planning, sorry miss.
Never be last in line for sure.
It would be nice if Emma became a superhero because of this tragedy rather than dead.
Maybe she became a superhero… many of them did that after being exposed to radiation.
Dear Björn,
I’ve gone back and read the comments on that post three years ago and you had just come into FF. I’m so happy you’re still aboard the bus, unlike poor Emma. Good story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I saw that this one actually my second post… 🙂 great fun to rewrite the old post.
Fat Bob and family should jog! Love it! 🙂
Or Emma should have started earlier.
Yeah, I think so.
On the plus side for the other passengers I guess if they get stranded they could all eat Fat Bob?
😦 had not gone all Soylent Green (yet).. but’s it’s a valid point
Damn that Fat Bob! Damn him all the way, says Emma.
Damn him, and damn his gluttonous family,
What a terrifying scenario.
It has to be.. devastating…
I’m pretty sure that’s the same bloke I sat to last week on the bus. Although on second thoughts he was Fat Fred. Great little tale.
Rosey Pinkerton’s blog
Ah… I am so sorry for you. He should have paid for two seats.
Oh no – left behind because of weight rather than numbers! Great story.
Thank you.. it was fun to take up that old story and polish it.
Oh, that is cruel. (contemplating going on a diet, might make me a hero one day)
Ha… yes not easy to be left alone in radiation…
(chuckling)
🙂
Oh, poor Emma. Fat Bob probably could put her in his backpack and no one would notice.
Ah…. but rules are rules… too bad, but somewhere you have to put the line…
So the moral of the tale: gluttony isn’t as bad as tardiness! Marvellous – see you later, I’m off for a pizza… 😉
ps great story, as always 🙂
enjoy the pizza, take some extra topping.
Wow, it’s FF and I’ve already had several laughs (albeit perhaps a few of the chuckles are a bit dark.) What’s going on? Really enjoyed this, Bjorn.
janet
Ha.. maybe we wrote more humor 3 years ago… back to that.
With the exceptions of Russ and Perry, I don’t think most of us wrote much humor at all. When Madison was hostessing and I joined, it seemed to me to be mostly sci-fi and after that, lots of dark stories.
I’d prefer to stay behind and enjoy the ghost town all to myself for a while before giving up and kicking the bucket. 😉 I would NOT want to get on the bus with all those tightly-packed, sweaty peeps. NO. WAY.
Ah.. “Better burn out than fade away” —
Lol. Poor Bob. I’m sure he drinks Diet Coke with his KFC.
I feel even more sorry for little lithe Emma…
First – the name Fat Bob cracked me up! You turned the guy into a lout, I turned him into a generous cowboy. It’s not what you look at it’s what you see. I really felt the desperation and despair in your story. The bare feet were touching.
Yes… it’s not a situation when you want to be late… 🙂
Mixed emotions reading this. As for Fat Bob – what a slob!
Visit Keith’s Ramblings!
Ooh I think I have mixed emotions too… but the basic story is three years old.
I remember this photo prompt. Thinking of coming back on board. Poor Ema. 🙂
I hope you do… you can link up your old story if you like.
Will tweak it and do so.
Good build up to the let down at the end. The mind boggles at someone who could take the load up to 3 tons. If it was a 40 seat bus that would make him (if everyone else was 10 stone) over 42 stones heavy. Fat Bob is some huge dude.
I think his family was a little overweight as well..
hope springs eternal. who knows, emma could leave on style riding a helicopter.
Or radiation give her superpower so she can fly by herself.
I dunno… I think the moral of the story might be to get your sneakers on so you can out-run Fat Bob! 🙂
Sneakers might have helped her, or maybe an alarm clock.
What a way to go…. left behind because of blubber…
They always say overweight is lethal.
Apparently not only for the overweight one!
Let me point out that Bob and family were on time. Emma needs a watch. Bob’s clearly a survivor.
Indeed… And the powecompany shouldn’t have saved money on evacuation capacity.
Poor Emma, although I feel a little bad for Fat Bob as well. Of course, this opens up a whole new episode where she’s left behind in the Chernobyl-esque Jefferson and has to fend off irradiated wolves or something. 🙂 In any case, I liked it.
-David
I like the thought of irradiated wolves… Perfect for any nightmare.
Damn you, Fat Bob! Let’s hope for her sake that radiation levels really are within approved levels.
That would be excellent and leave lithe Emma to roam around and enjoy herself…
That didn’t go where I was expecting! Poor Emma, the victim of radiation, greed and mindless bureaucracy all in the same day
Not to mention tardiness.. 🙂
The reason Fat Bob beat her to the bus was he heard about the all-you-can-eat buffet over in Cybersville. Don’t get between the big guy and the food bar, you might get a fork jabbed in your side.
Ah .. of course, that is like being between a hippopotamus and water.
Emma will have the last laugh if the bus breaks down just outside of the city. Then everyone will have to walk. That was poor planning. There should have been a train or two last buses just in case. Well done, Bjorn. 🙂 — Suzanne
Ah.. I think there have been many leaving before.. just the last one that was overfull
It’s too bad that she got left behind! What a story! That line about the sun being brighter than ever made me shiver!
I’ve heard that feeling of a blue sky of disaster.
I liked the idea of the town being evacuated but did not like the fat bashing particularly.
My appologies … It’s an old story for me,
Referring to the fat bashing? I think people can be very insensitive and it is an easy target. Some of the comments were bothering me as well. People can be big and overweight but I don’t like the term glutton. Besides I can’t believe the bus driver wouldn’t have squeezed her in somewhere.
I’m with you, I was thinking what’s with all the fat shaming? The guy didn’t do anything but arrive on time – sheesh
Hopefully there’s another bus for Emma. Times like this it always pays to be first in line.
Tardiness is never good.
Slow and steady … Fat and first. Nice one.
Better not be late..
🙂
Great story. Liked the ending. I Had a good laugh since I am obese but not to 300 pounds. 🙂
🙂 glad you appreciated it.. I think tardiness is worse..
Susan, your link is broken at the link-up.. I wanted to read your story.
try http://susanscreativewritingand poetry.com/ and it should give you my front page and it will be at the top. I’m waiting for the forum to contact me about some problems and I will add this one too. 😦
Nope .. I cannot see the story there…
http://susanscreativewritingandpoety.com Sorry I typed it wrong.
I like both versions, but I think this re-edit helps build the tension and sense of urgency in the story:
Heartbeats, wet with sweat, she stumbled, vision blurred.
That what the thing I wanted to do.. it was only my second story at FF, and I wanted to see if I could improve..
you did well.
“She would be left behind.” Nooooooo! I can see a skinny barely there barefoot girl, her dirt stained face now with tears tracks down her checks, staring at the bus with her hand outstretched as it drives away. Bravo!
I think they brought her along in the end… 🙂
Blasted Bob… .ruins everything. Loved it!
I hope they brought her along in the end.
Poor Emma. Life isn’t fair. Nice one, Bjorn!
But she lingered too long.. maybe she deserves it.
Wow, that was exciting! They should have kicked fat Bob off and saved more people. Do I sound mean?
Lily
I hope that they managed to get everyone to safety..
Poor Emma. So unfair!
I hope they could squeeze her in…
That would be great! 🙂
She missed the last bus! Oh no! Very tense story, and I hope Emma finds a way to escape the radiation.
Or that the radiation is harmless.
Damn that fat Bob!
He.. damn tardiness.
Maybe she is lucky. Radioactive Bob is going to eat everyone on that bus.
That would be an interesting twist
Feeling sad for Emma.
I do that too.