in bluish moonlight
dancing shadow filigree —
even bedbugs leave
tiptoeing as syllables
whispered for a gentle breeze
The Moonlight Bed by Jacek Yerka
Today Gayle are guestblogging at dVerse MTB, and she discuss on how to write Japanese deathpoems, what would you think that last moment of your life. I see it something happening in moonlight, like falling asleep. The bedbugs leaving is like the rats leaving the sinking ship. Bedbugs is also a winter kigo, that I wanted to include. Come and join us when the pub opens at 3PM EST.
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September 24, 2015
Terrific, you chose the waka/tanka form, & did a bang up job with it. I forged ahead with the death trilogy; kanshi, waka, & haiku; but who knows if my tone is deft or gentle enough to breath poetically within the form.
Well done. Love the Yerka, too >
Good piece, Bjorn. I hope in my last moments of life I don’t have to worry about bedbugs. Well done. 🙂 — Suzanne
A lovely tanka Bjorn ~ I admire the imagery of the bedbugs leaving, tiptoeing a syllables ~
such a cool way to look at it. As always your words just leave me in awe.
I really like the tiptoeing bedbugs, like syllables. Excellent image. Although, a long time friend who is a forensic pathologist would be quick to tell you realistically, those bad boy bedbugs would stay to snack on you. But love the winter kigo of the bedbugs. The kireji of “tiptoeing” perfectly separates the kami-no-ku from the shimo-no-ku. Gently humorous take on the prompt.
love the idea of bedbugs tiptoeing away as syllables (love the idea of syllables tiptoeing too!)
When bedbugs leave, you know it is really over…and time to turn out the light!
Mary’s right! Wow, Bjorn, I love this…so beautiful in its images and finality.
I would love to have my death come that beautifully
Great title for a simple but profound death poem. If the bedbugs are leaving, it really must be the end. Peace, Linda
“in bluish moonlight
dancing shadow filigree”
What a beautiful imagery, I dived into your words.
Peaceful and cosy feel about this – and I should jolly well hope those bedbugs are leaving, as you wouldn’t want to have to worry about them in the last few minutes of life! I really like the line ‘tiptoeing as syllables’
Tiptoeing bedbugs definitely bring a moment of levity to this–and I love the idea of choreographing my death scene outdoors.
Unexpected, bedbugs in a poem – that’s why I like it!
Oh, I like the beginning…sweet image,too.
syllables whispered for the breeze.. excellent image Bjorn!
Dancing shadow filigree, wow! I would love to leave watching that. And feeling life leave like whispered syllables would be the most peaceful way to go. Awesome!
Lovely to think of a quiet, peaceful, tiptoeing away…
those vanishing syllables Bjorn ; quite a thorough image for this prompt
much love…
Lovely, and simultaneously humorous. Well done. And to me this has a true tanka feel to it.
The image fits the poem beautifully – a wonderful atmosphere you created (apart from the bedbugs!)
A very interesting deathpoem. Will it be your obit?
Well, what can I say – just lovely – the whole post, really. It transports – as, I have to believe – a death poem should.
Very beautifully written, Bjorn.
Isadora 😎
I like this Jisei, Björn. It made me think of my father when he was dying during the SARS epidimec in Toronto…we all had to wear masks regardless of what his condition was but as soon as they disconnected his oxygen and he slowly passed….we were told we could remove our masks. Even the bed bugs flee…
I wrote mine too late but thought it was a nice practice http://wp.me/p2RsU0-1MB
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