The raindrop gently falls but once it’s caught
in leaves and grass, his tethered fears, a hymn
for spring has faded when the bloom has got
its sip, he waits for sun when light goes dim.
Beneath a shroud of clouds in frigid shade.
when through the garden flees, his shadow goes
in search of shelter from what’s wet, a glade
forgotten, where the hidden sunshine flows.
A place where grass is warm and where she lies
his doe and unborn fawn, not this headstone
wet from nature’s tears, this breeze that dies
in watered woodlands or the screaming tone
of braking wheels that touched her distant lawns
cause when she crossed the road the spring was gone.
Male and Female Deer in the Woods by Gustave Corbet
Today I have the mini-challenge at toads, and want you to write a boute-rime. That means a poem that has given end-rhymes in the order prescribed by me. Hope you can join me in this challenge. The words provided a little challenge, but when I looked out through my window and let my thought wander into the our rain-wet garden. I link this to Poetry Pantry tomorrow as well.
—
May 30, 2015
So gorgeous.
Have you made your blog a closed one by mistake? I would love to revisit.
No. It was on purpose. I always close my blog(s) when I get sick of myself. There. It’s open again. But no promises on how long. 🙂
my former blog was probably hacked (email) and I never was able to enter again
http://www.wordiminuta.blogspot.com/
Gorgeous nod to just the way Shake would like it. 🙂 I did the same “hymn” thing…with the rest a little less traditional, you might say. 😉
Beautiful.
of braking wheels that touched her distant lawns
cause when she crossed the road the spring was gone.
The entire poem reads beautifully executed 😀
A truly beautiful sonnet, Bjorn–has that lovely old-fashion poet’s style. So well done.
Beautifully penned! This poem made me think of Bambi!
oh, so wonderful!
This flows so perfectly Bjorn…really touching tender story it you bring as well. Thank you so much for the excellent challenge!!
You tell a sad story here, Bjorn–could be human or even deer–wonderful music. k.
This prompt promises to be a challenging one, but you handled it with ease. Well done and viva la
Very sad about the deer and unborn fawn. It seems that the wheels did not brake fast enough. Sigh. The last line “cause when she crossed the road the spring was gone” is very poignant!
Oh, so gentle and beautiful – yet so sad.
This nature is for every one and for everyone being to share equally.
beautiful & poignant…i like the use of tears. dies, gone to prepare for the outcome….
somehow i always thought that death must be toughest in spring when everything bursts forth and blooms to life again… so sad…
his shadow goes in search of shelter from what’s wet… wow.. loved this line!
There is such sadness reading this as the incompatibility of man’s world and the wild are once again at odds.
What a magical piece..dark and rich and glowing as a Tale Grimm..I was lost in that painting as if only your poem told the story within
Picture and words in perfect harmony. Delightful.
Visit Keith’s Ramblings!
This is a remarkable response to the challenge. Your use of the end rhymes is flawless, and the flow of lines and exploration of theme shows your mastery of the sonnet form.
beautifully written but sad
gracias
Impressive use of rhyme. And a sonnet! Very excellent work.
Definitely sad. We have lots of der here in our are and plenty that get killed for trying to cross the road. Kinda sad that we have so bisected their land with our roads that they can not get from place to place.
classic style Bjorn – sad ending. We tend to just say “roadkill” …so heartless.
Your ease with this form is phenomenal, Bjorn, and the pathos here tangible– grief and loneliness and loss are not limited to humans. Language and imagery blend into a flawless whole.Thanks for an excellent challenge that got me writing.
Afternoon of a faun? Sort of? 😉
I love your use of a deer to capture the essence of a woman.
the poem goes so well with the picture
You have a heart for nature that comes through in this.
Crossing the road can be a dangerous enterprise—as too many deer find out too late!
That last line is still squeezing at my heart… Love the description, what your poem tells us of nature, its seasons and creatures…
A beautifully sad poem, Bjorn……and an intriguing poetic challenge. Poor doe – poor fawn.
I remember reading one of your poems before, this one is less intense in the build up. However just as sad
Have a nice Sunday
Much love…
A most interesting response to this poetic form and challenge. Perhaps a little sad, but well concluded, especially as spring has all but gone here too..
Eileen
I love the title of your poem … and every line that follows.
Bjorn, two forms in one ..still my heart even if it dances in the dark…
Shocking ending, I like it.
Love the imagery of hidden sunshine.
I loved the juxtaposition of the fragility of life as evinced in a raindrop (as I envisioned it, hanging by that liquid thread) pined against the place where the doe and unborn fawn lie wet from nature’s tears. And once again, you have amaze me with your prowess with form.
What a stunningly beautiful tragic poem….oh my heart was broken reading of the dead mother and unborn fawn….
Beautifully penned, Bjorn. The transition and the contrast of spring and death were well-played. Just think of the rain as a blessing not as a curse, despite of what had happened to the doe.
This is a special piece–to be read again and again.
a poem that combines legend and nature. always a favorite to read. A-plus, plus, plus, plus, plus.
Written with such love to nature,and the art by itself – talking to me in these feminine/deer shapes and shades, searching for shelter….you found special poignant words for loss…last line so tragic….
Beautifully tragic
So sad. But I love the way it reads, like a very smooth and lovely story. You really have talent for story telling with beautiful words.
…and may that outside world remain distant. This really paints a lovely scene and I think the image is paired beautifully with it.
OK. read it twice and NOW I see something different – How did I miss it before (I didn’t key in on the word unborn) I originally thought spring had faded to summer – but now see it just ended with spring – at least for the doe.
Bjorn, your poem carries an effortless flow; the beauty stunned by the end, making the loss of life so much more solemn.
Beautiful work! I love good rhyme/timing some of my favorite stuff. Lol! I am getting ready to write for Sunday’s challenge but not sure if I should rhyme like you did or every line ending like the example. I’m sure either will do.
Wow!
Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful! You don’t even need the painting to make clear the scene, the intent, the meaning. This is a strong write, Bjorn!
Lovely rhythm. I think it suits well the melancholy tone of the poem.
an inspiring challenge, Bjorn, to pull me from my slumber. I particularly like how you’ve woven the Toad’s death into this piece ~
Maybe it was easier if you knew the origin.. 🙂 I think Boute-Rimé is a very interesting challenge. It will certainly not be the last time
This is really very beautiful, Bjorn!! ‘where the hidden sunshine flows’, I love that thought.
beautifully sad, realistic…lovely details.
Reminds me of Walt Disney’s Bambi!
Now I see how dark this challenge can be ~ Very well done with response Bjorn ~
Making death beautiful is such a poet thing to do! Lol!