In glowing nights of sanguine hips,
we shed our last maracas tears;
to sway away when sun has slipped.
From burning cheeks, mascara drips,
but doom of dawn is not yet near,
this glowing night of sanguine hips.
With graveyard dust on blood-filled lips,
we’re dancing with the utmost care;
and sway away when sun has slipped.
We’re blessed by songs in sooty scripts
within this shroud the light is dear,
in glowing nights of sanguine hips.
Cause 6 feet under, worms will grip
our corazon of moonlit years.
We sway away when sun has slipped.
You gently let your eyelids zip,
to quench the dread of concrete fears.
Our final night of sanguine hips,
sashay below when sun has slipped.
Today we have a guest blogger at dVerse MTB, and the prompt on prosody is to in addition add a note on why you have written it as you have. The choice of form and how we have used different poetic tools to achieve the effect.
So: this poem is actually an old poem I wrote for a challenge but it has never appeared on a blog. It is based on music inspiration of listening to los Lobos, and then turned into a Villanelle. Since the theme is a death dance I wanted to return to the roots of the Villanelle and make it dancing by using tetrameter instead of pentameter. But to still make it soft I had to break it up a little by intentionally choosing a few slanted rhymes and a little off-beat iambs. I also intentionally broke some of the repeated lines to avoid it to be too repetitive. The choice of including Spanish words was to add a little spice, and color. There are a few instances of alliteration, and I could potentially modify it a little bit further to increase it. But hey this is dance poetry.
May 28, 2015
Bjorn, you are so skilled with forms. I don’t know what I enjoyed more –your poem or your explanation. I love ‘our final night of sanguine hips.’ There is definitely a bit of missing in that!
A super fun (not subject matter but word-wise) villanelle, Bjorn. Also a favorite form of mine. Lovely variations here; and certainly a language dance. Thanks. k.
love the use of spanish words here…def. adds an additional layer and mood to the dance… the villanelle acutally is my fav of the forms..
Oh Bjorn, Bjorn–this is so beautiful and perfect you have me swooning. I can hear the music in it. Your talent amazes, and you continue to outdo yourself at every turn.
I’m back again, just because I love this one SO much–the Villanelle is romantic and sensual…okay, I’d best stop now!
I always admire vilanelle’s, and yours is amazing. I think pairing the thematic with the form worked quite well, because it made me sense the rhytm while reading.
There’s a very nice sway in this one. Love it. >
You’ve just made me realize that there aren’t nearly enough poems about dancing. I love the opening line of each stanza.
I always enjoy your use of the villanelle form. I remember this poem from that killer titular line.
A monarch among us, you continue to ascend to higher peaks of poetic aesthetics; amazing, illustrative, dynamic. This one is rife with dance, song, sensuality, & death, the old equalizer. I like the line /with graveyard dust on blood-filled lips/, yummy.
Reminds me a bit of Marvell’s, To His Coy Mistress. Love the phrase of ‘sanguine hips.” Smiles…>KB
“sanguine hips”, “sooty scripts”, so wonderfully emotive. And that little brush of Español was perfect I do adore your villanelle, it works so well here.
Such a skilful villanelle – and your variants make it come alive (!) the villanelle is one of the more difficult forms. Chapeau.
This proves to me why really understanding a form allows you to make it your own and adapt it to the needs of your poem. You give me permission to play around with form more often. Quite beautiful, Bjorn.
a wonderful way to modify a villanelle. I find, too, when writing villanelles that slight modifications on the repeated lines can be beneficial…both to avoid monotony, as well as…when we’re expecting a line to repeat exactly, and then doesn’t, it gives the modified line a certain emphasis.
I really enjoyed the explanation as well as the use of Spanish words in your poem.
I love your end notes, though I am daunted by all that knowledge, it is a learning curve for me and I appreciate it. Your poem is wonderful and even more so when I see the work that went into it.
This form worked well for the subject of the poem. Very nice. Peace, Linda
Oooh, what a sensuous tango of emotions and Spanish words that was! I think the form and the words like pinpoints of precision worked really well with the dance…
I had thought sonnets was your supreme form but oh my, you did so well this! A fun and spirited write….I read aloud and get the rhythm of a paso doble in this. sanguine hips….what fun!
Gorgeous villanelle. This dances.
The alernating mantra is very effective, and the picture created a mix of colour and fate, bewitched. the hard-tone rendered readable by the light prose.
Songs of sooty scripts, I like that. I also like the contrast between dance and death. Nice job on the Vill as well. You make the form work for you and it does not feel forced.
Ah.. to dance in rhythm to glowing moonlit nights.. to day of death and sleep of life.. is a certain way.. to live life.. in poetic feet above the ground.. in grounded way..:)
I am always inspired by your poetic diction…”sanguine hips”, “sooty scripts”. The word choices of Latin origin added a subtle Spanish flair to the death dance.
A wonderful sultry ambience in this piece. The rhythmic cadence and wonderful choice of words amplify and hauntingly evoke the passionate blood-red dance, inherent in the content. A mesmerizing villanelle! Great Title! Enjoyed, as well, your explanation.
Some great word choices, Bjorn. I think between our two villanelle S we’ve just proved that one form can produce very different results!