We were the sea and soil, the withered green
We were the burning ice and blazing night.
But we were crushed by weight of dawn.
We were the fragrant rose, the earth-worm’s scent
We were the rainbow’s end and desert’s sand.
But we were drowned in silent noise.
How did you count the endless days?
How did you measure smothered breath?
How did you choose your destiny?
And while we are chatting busy waiting.
We know the sense of screaming stillness
that always echoes afterwards.
The Angel of Destiny by Odilon Redon
Today it’s my turn to have the prompt for MTB at dVerse, and I thought we would play with opposites, or the concept of antithesis. Many times things are actually better describes as opposites at the same time. I wrote this quite quickly, and might add layers to it later.. Pub opens at 3PM EST.
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May 14, 2015
Björn Rudbergs writings 
In the first two stanzas, the first two lines sound very optimistic; but the third line brings down the hammer & changes the mood. And the third and fourth stanzas continue with the down-spirited mood of the last lines of the first and second stanzas. Indeed sometimes silence screams the loudest of all…and the echoes live on forever!
How indeed? It is interesting that some fates seem predictable while others come as a surprise. Even when the odds seem in their favor, some people squander what they have. How much do they choose of what happens to them?
“How do you measure smothered breath?”—so very powerful!
“How did you choose your destiny?” That line really strikes home at me? Enjoyed!
The silent noise will get you every time. Busy being/doing we can lose track of life. And the next thing you know your destiny has passed you by. How do you find destiny? I would say it finds you, when you are ready.
Did you mean to have the “we we” in the last line of the second stanza? If so, it needs a comma between. Or it could have been were, as that is consistent with the previous lines.
Quite right.. That should be changed…
Hi Bjorn–your use of the opposites is very striking–k.
I love the questions and contrast on each line ~ Terrific challenge Bjorn ~
A lot of contrasts with great description, Bjorn. 🙂 — Suzanne
This was full of wonderful contrasts. The line that spoke to me most was “But we were drowned in silent noise.” We’ve all experienced “silent noise” in our lives and relationships and it can drown out so much. Peace, Linda
and boy, did you play with opposites! An exciting poem conjuring mental images by the dozen.
Nicely done with all those opposites playing off against each other.
the questions do make this more the richer in a needy way
Gosh, brother, I visited here earlier before the Pub opened, & in my mind, I had already commented; better late than never though. I’m glad you keyed off Claudia’s comment for a classy prompt. Once I started listing possible opposites for my piece, I filled up a page in minutes; a wealth of choices. Love your line /but we were crushed by weight of dawn/.
Brilliant, Bjorn. I like how you used repetition to frame your contrasts.
Yes.. and angel of destiny can be friend or foe.. but to love foe as
friend is destiny uncovered.. as least for now.. and more
to come..:)
I am really seeing the yin and yang, completeness of the prompt here. The poem also really draws the reader in, demanding participation and reply. It’s nice to have a poem inquire what the reader thinks. 🙂
Excellent contrast in your pairing of words…especially like the “burning ice”, blazing night”, and silent noise”. Cool prompt for MTB!
there’s something very striking for me in the first stanza…I can’t quite put my finger on it, though maybe it’s the imagery it provokes…
I loved it all, Bjorn, but especially that first stanza–it’s a powerful draw into the rest of the poem.
This is an amazing piece!!! I love it!
You touched deep questions on many layers, and opposites dancing well!
I’m particularly drawn to this gorgeous contrast:
“How did you count the endless days?
How did you measure smothered breath?”
Silent noise and smothered by weight of dawn…..these lines certainly got me to thinking and to looking at dawn in a different way. How do we make choices? The questions and the contrasts – perfection. Truly.
burning ice and blazing night.
weight of dawn.drowned in silent noise…. these are so good.
We were the sea and soil, the withered green
We were the burning ice and blazing night.
But we were crushed by weight of dawn.
The opening stanza is already apparent. Opposites put a lot of fineness into poetry. Never thought it was that effective. Thanks for sharing Bjorn!
Hank
The questions are the most powerful part of the poem to me, but there are some splendid contrasts throughout.
You actually took this much further than the routine opposites poem…by succinctly combining them in thoughtful word pairings…right to the heart of things,,.not in the broader sense.
Great prompt – brilliant write.
A lot for poets to ruminate on: Many times things are actually better described as opposites – a notion I don’t believe I’ve ever given much thought to. But so true. Very insightful of you, Björn.