I wander slowly on the meadow-grass
its straws bejeweled in a smell of dawn
on undulating hillocks smooth as glass.
I tiptoe softly, fingertips, cross perfect lawns
still soft with velvet, yawning with the moon
and by the lake, surprised, I meet the fawn
I step into your pond, as perfect spoons
together waiting for the lobster soup
we stay – when mornings shouldn’t end till noon.
I meet the eyes – a hunter ready for a coup
de grace, my spear is raised and then I thrust
entangled — tied together by the loop
of blood filled tenderness that turns to dust
we wait for signs, we crave again for lust.
Meadows at the banks of Aven by Paul Gaugin
Today Anna is back at the bar at dVerse and talk about tools for inspiration. Either use reduction (condense a text of yours to a minimum), Oulipo or surprising Conceit, talking about something using a language and description of something else. Personally I have worked with describing lovemaking in the language of a morning hunt. I have written a sonnet and have chosen a terza rima rhyme scheme. Come join us at the bar at 3PM EST (which is 9PM CET). I will be a little late to the bar myself as there is a concert tonight again.
Björn Rudbergs writings 
Beautiful!
Thank you 🙂
I like the way you have accomplished this, Bjorn. The ‘hunting’ language works well. I enjoyed the language you used. My favorite image is:
“I tiptoe softly, fingertips, cross perfect lawns
still soft with velvet..”
Thank you.. I actually checked back on what I had done when we did Conceit the last time….
Excellent. I too like the “I tiptoe softly….” erotic without being coarse.
A very different scene for the hunting for lust
I specially admire this part:
I step into your pond, as perfect spoons
together waiting for the lobster soup
Amazing sonnet, you make it look easy ~
oha – my goodness.. you have me almost a bit frightened…ha
i love the lobster soup though… and def. there are morning that shouldn’t end so soon… smiles
smiles…there is def a bit of the hunt in lovemaking…and your metaphor plays really well…i like the tenderness of it…as you would creep upon the prey of the hunt…
missed hearing from you today bjorn…
Oh no.. my comment made on my mobile never made it trough… so sorry,
You did well with your extended metaphor, Björn. Nice that you also used a form. I too like the idea of tiptoeing and the tenderness. One can be a gentle hunter I guess.
I misunderstood it for a moment and thought you referred to the hunt in terms of lovemaking… so was suitably puzzled! But then it all clicked and made sense again. I love your perfect spoons waiting for lobster soup (although why lobster? – maybe guinea-folw would be more hunt-like?).
Maybe pheasant soup to make it work with the iambs 🙂
Gorgeous. I especially like the first five lines.
OK, a Conceit it is, & a sonnet, & a sensual foray into the huntsman’s Id; lovely, sexy, nearing perfection, all wrapped in the mantle of sonnet; wow, you rocked the thong off the prompt, brother.
cool technique here. I had to re-read after the explanation…and your metaphor was brilliant! I chose to use the oulipo technique of lipogram from mine.
Wonderful use of the form and the prompt, Bjorn. I think there are a lot of tropes that could stand in for love-making. Like Bryan, I’m off to read it again.
Such beautiful language and form, Bjorn – love the line ‘we stay – when mornings shouldn’t end till noon’
How very lovely, Bjorn. Your conceit works well. I love the imagery.
Very sexy, but I’m not sure she would like the metaphor. : )
Bloody Brilliant Björn – and I think very sexy too.
Anna :o]
Lust for life is a jewel of meadow.. that is only polished for love in life.. not spoiled by worries of what ever meadOwed @all…
An excellent conceit executed with precision and tenderness, a very successful experiment. I’m happy you used form because often people mistake postmodernism for nonsense or no form. In reality these experiments are simply a new type of form, as all writing constraints create form. That you married old and new takes real skill!
You know I enjoy a sonnet, so I had to stop in and say hello. Would that be lobster bisque? hmm..thinking if I should partake in the prompt.
We are spear wielders, for sure !
simply beautiful.
Again, you present us with another example of a beautiful sonnet..and the first 5 lines are the best for me as well..and the waiting for signs at the end..
Your gentle opening words set the scene and build up for the emotional ending. The choice of hunting vernacular worked well for the Conceit, Bjorn.
Challenging in all sorts of ways, and beautifully realised.
Lovely hunt!
Any attempt to put loving into words to be shared is a winner with me. Your metaphor works in this context but perfect spoons together is especially tender.
Interesting.
Wow! I think this is a masterpiece of metaphors. Bold and passionate.
Bjorn, what amazes me most about your writing is that you not only write so magnificently, but that you do it so consistently and so OFTEN….how on earth do you manage to write so well on such a regular basis?? Your muse is like the Energizer Bunny or something 🙂
Sometimes I just start with a word.. sounds and so on.. 🙂 at other times I feel that everything is just a standstill.
Nothing ever seems like a standstill!!
Beautiful descriptions! After I read your notes at the end I read it again and picked up some things differently… excellently done 🙂
WOW … incredible write. Loved it. : )
Parts of this piece came through as more of a quest, than a hunt. Through they are very close synonyms, there is that lovely subtlety of shading you are so good at, Bjorn. The form is superb and erudite. I don’t think I shall ever get to that level. Excellent!
I came late to this prompt, thanks to Margo’s Freeforall. Your poem is stunning, and I admire your skill with metaphor – the truth rang the bell for me before your process notes explained!