The rust in your eyes is shallowly panting;
in flaking decay like the timely
striations of granite – the dreams from the glaciers
carved the notes once sung divinely
that day,
when spilling the sea we lay
in cashmere
embrace with your softness kissing
the curvature polished by history’s chanting
now swallowed in medical hissing.
By the sea
Linked to Kerry’s Sunday Mini Challenge at real toads, where it’s 55 words with an additional challenge to write it using a Robert Herrick Stanza. I also link this to Poetry United’s Poetry Pantry
—
February 1, 2015
Björn Rudbergs writings 
It is sad to see and feel your past disappearing in from of your own eyes realizing how short life is.
I love the idea of ancient glacial dreams being carved in granite. This romantic description is firmly anchored to the rock of deep feelings.
like…the curvature polished by history’s chanting. makes aging a little softer.
very nice touch especially the pic of the rocky shore.
gracias mi amigo
The medical hissing is more frightening than any sound in nature…i think the latter will always prevail though..
The medical hissing at the very end was like unexpected surgery!
Pilgrims Awhirl
the image at the beginning is really lovely and they way you see it.. the was a bit unexpected 🙂
Those eyes! Rust and decay, but–if like granite–also both hard and beautiful carrying the history of a life-time. When meds hiss and beauty is only a memory, these eyes have the strength to carry on.
I like the turn from: striations of granite – the dreams from the glaciers – to the softness of cashmere ~ Nice work on the form ~
i think it’s frightening when everything is slowly blurring away…
I am conscious of fossils here, a very interesting mixture of textures. Thanks. K.
This has a faultlessly smooth flow and its intricate word play reads easily and naturally, so that the reader absorbs the visuals almost as if being there. An excellent time capsule of a moment that changes so suddenly from perfect to that ominous medical hissing.
Whew, I was going with the flow of this poem until the last line, which took me by surprise. The ‘medical hissing’ took me aback….
I like how landscapes and memories intertwine in your poem. “the dreams from the glaciers / carved the notes once sung divinely” – my favorite lines.
The first two lines and the closing made me shiver… So sad (and skillfully shown).
What a sad, sad tale with a heart breaking ending. The scene portrayed here reminded me a korean film about teen lovers reaching same tragic end of saying goodbyes. Great piece, Bjorn!
luv the use of divine in your poem, transcend to the courtship of gods and goddesses
a lovely Sunday to you
much love…
a song of earth and sea
awesome
really
cheers
jzb
the medical hissing there in the end…the touch of decay throughout…it makes me feel like watching one die…or at least being in the hospital…i have tried to write about visiting my gramma for weeks, but you got it…
I like the juxtaposition of images ~ the cold, rough granite and the soft, warm cashmere ~ the memories carried through it all 🙂
“The rust in your eyes…” strongly opens this emotion-packed, brief piece. Nature and human nature. So much alike.
I enjoyed the imaginative images in this. Very nice. Thank you for visiting my blog as well.
Oh my goodness – missed your birthday the other day -was down and out with a cold gifted to me by a little relative – so felicitations here – Bjorn as usual – but always savored – an absolutely beautiful piece. This one will linger.
Gorgeous writing!
Such beauty and such heart break. I especially like the lines:
the timely
striations of granite – the dreams from the glaciers
carved the notes once sung divinely
‘The rust in your eyes…’, this line is gripping, both for its imagery as well as its appeal to the senses, and sets the tone of the poem, to be justified in its ending. The photo adds to the mood most effectively.
Poppy
the memory of past happiness nestling between the harshness of present reality & future doom – the chosen metaphor makes it all too real… very affective (& effective) writing
in flaking decay like the timely
striations of granite….such a strong image….love this Bjorn!
Beautiful contrasts 🙂
Nice, Bjorn. Mostly downhill from the start. The cashmere was a remnant of the past “good life”.
Without them, I would be dead now if it weren’t for modern medical advances and medicines. 🙂
..
Beautifully written and poignant.
Moments becoming memory almost as soon as they happen. Well done, Bjorn. 🙂 — Suzanne
Aw, this is so poignant and evocative. Your play of stone and bone is very powerful for me.
I’m glad to be reminded of this form, and I like the way you’ve used it. The poem is both beautiful and heart-wrenching.
Medical hissing was disturbing but memories are pleasing.
i guess we all will end up with that medical hissing
oh no, this is devastating at the end.
I adore “the dreams from the glaciers carved the notes….” so beautiful!
p.s. Yes, I found the closing ominous too. I hope all is well in your world, Bjorn.
It is well.. I wrote this partly as fiction, and partly from hearing about a friend loosing her husband,
metaphorical mastery
do like the richness of your words
I love every line. I love the imagery. Very nice, Bjorn!!
What beautiful words you use to pain this picture of sadness as life fades. Beautifully done Bjorn.
Oh my, so beautiful, but so tragic. Great write!
The ending was a surprise…lovely write Bjorn! 🙂
Memories of days past can hide the present.
This poem is a lovely piece of history all etched into one.
Beautiful: bittersweet. The slide in and out of rhyme in this piece, is inspired and really elevates it. I think it is exceptional work.