Memories carved in granite striations


The rust in your eyes is shallowly panting;
in flaking decay like the timely
striations of granite – the dreams from the glaciers
carved the notes once sung divinely
that day,
when spilling the sea we lay
in cashmere
embrace with your softness kissing
the curvature polished by history’s chanting
now swallowed in medical hissing.

By the sea

By the sea


Linked to Kerry’s Sunday Mini Challenge at real toads, where it’s 55 words with an additional challenge to write it using a Robert Herrick Stanza. I also link this to Poetry United’s Poetry Pantry

February 1, 2015

48 responses to “Memories carved in granite striations

  1. I love the idea of ancient glacial dreams being carved in granite. This romantic description is firmly anchored to the rock of deep feelings.

  2. Those eyes! Rust and decay, but–if like granite–also both hard and beautiful carrying the history of a life-time. When meds hiss and beauty is only a memory, these eyes have the strength to carry on.

  3. I like the turn from: striations of granite – the dreams from the glaciers – to the softness of cashmere ~ Nice work on the form ~

  4. This has a faultlessly smooth flow and its intricate word play reads easily and naturally, so that the reader absorbs the visuals almost as if being there. An excellent time capsule of a moment that changes so suddenly from perfect to that ominous medical hissing.

  5. Whew, I was going with the flow of this poem until the last line, which took me by surprise. The ‘medical hissing’ took me aback….

  6. I like how landscapes and memories intertwine in your poem. “the dreams from the glaciers / carved the notes once sung divinely” – my favorite lines.

  7. What a sad, sad tale with a heart breaking ending. The scene portrayed here reminded me a korean film about teen lovers reaching same tragic end of saying goodbyes. Great piece, Bjorn!

  8. the medical hissing there in the end…the touch of decay throughout…it makes me feel like watching one die…or at least being in the hospital…i have tried to write about visiting my gramma for weeks, but you got it…

  9. Oh my goodness – missed your birthday the other day -was down and out with a cold gifted to me by a little relative – so felicitations here – Bjorn as usual – but always savored – an absolutely beautiful piece. This one will linger.

  10. Such beauty and such heart break. I especially like the lines:

    the timely
    striations of granite – the dreams from the glaciers
    carved the notes once sung divinely

  11. ‘The rust in your eyes…’, this line is gripping, both for its imagery as well as its appeal to the senses, and sets the tone of the poem, to be justified in its ending. The photo adds to the mood most effectively.

    Poppy

  12. the memory of past happiness nestling between the harshness of present reality & future doom – the chosen metaphor makes it all too real… very affective (& effective) writing

  13. Nice, Bjorn. Mostly downhill from the start. The cashmere was a remnant of the past “good life”.
    Without them, I would be dead now if it weren’t for modern medical advances and medicines. 🙂
    ..

  14. I’m glad to be reminded of this form, and I like the way you’ve used it. The poem is both beautiful and heart-wrenching.

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