Veiled stars – for dVerse

little star
hiding her shyness
behind cumulonimbus words
sparkling enigma not for plucking
father says

Giri with white veil by Nicolae Grigorescu

Giri with white veil by Nicolae Grigorescu

aging star
waiting for a breeze to clear the sky
burning cold only shrinking
secrets never told
father gone

Today at dVerse MTB wants us to explore his adopted cinquain, with one extra syllable added to each line as explained in his post here. See you all at 3PM EST.

January 29, 2015

36 responses to “Veiled stars – for dVerse

  1. i can hope for father but that heart will surely be broken…
    secrets untold really opens this up…
    what father does not know, wont hurt him….hopefully…

  2. I love how you’ve worked the form and content; each stanza being a mirror of the other in both. Looks like we might have stumbled onto something good with this ‘new’ form … smiles

  3. I like the way you have worked with youth and age. Some secrets best remain secrets as far as the father goes perhaps. Smiles.

  4. A perfect use of the prompt, of course, easy-peasy for you, brother; but a sweet mirror image, yin-yang, young/old contrast; & how cool to drive us to a dictionary to find out the latin for “storm clouds”; excellent work, sir.

  5. Oh, how lovely – I was about to say that your first poem reminded me of a Grigorescu painting – and boom, there it is! Thank you, how wonderful to see it again! I’m sure he has a painting somewhere of an old woman with a white veil. Yep, found it.

  6. A poignant portrait indeed! Sad to think the star will shrink away with beautiful secrets never told.. a life lived behind the veil.

  7. For many, secrets themselves are a veil. I often think this when I look into stranger’s eyes (especially women’s eyes). Could not imagine what it must be like to have to wear a real veil, a restriction thankfully unknown to me….yet your poem has shown me the heart of what it is like. Really soulful work.

  8. This made me reflect on the role of father’s in our lives ~ Some fathers take a firm hand in a child’s upbringing, while others are just “gone” ~

    Too busy, just visiting ~ Happy Friday ~

  9. I love the image of “cumulonimbus words.” I think of words being concrete and close by, but this forced me to think of them as more amorphous and far away. Peace, Linda

  10. I love this, Bjorn. Oh, you have no idea how much meaning it has for me – I found this ceramic in December, & bought one each for the girls & me.. “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in Heaven, where the Love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon Us, to let us know they are Happy”. It has helped all of us in our grief – we all have it hanging from our bedside lamps, so we see it every night, and every morning… And this poem – oh, I feel it encapsulates what we’ve been going through, so beautifully. Sadly..

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