The crying fairy – Terza Rima sonnet for dVerse

I have never written Terza Rima before and thought I make an effort. I decided to make it as a sonnet and I have tried to keep a decent pentameter. This will be shared on dVerse open link night later today. As usual any comments are welcome as they improve my writing skills.

statue by Carl Milles

statue by Carl Milles



she sits alone with silent falling tears
see beauty in her alabaster skin
translucent, framed with golden silky hairs

a fairy sad, what is the dreadful sin
committed vice by perpetrators bad?
what ghastly beasts in shadows leer and grin?

has playmates, that's forlorn her, turned her sad?
while garden's smelling roses bring us joy
the symphonies of birds should make her glad

but this has never been about a boy
she cries for nature's death, a sad affair
'cause right outside the industries destroy

her forests, they are gone since many years
forsaken she's abandoned to her fears

—-
March 5, 2013

43 responses to “The crying fairy – Terza Rima sonnet for dVerse

  1. I’ve not seen this kind of sonnet before. You’ve demonstrated it brilliantly. Thank you both for a lovely poem and introducing me to a new poetic form.

  2. nice — in the first stanza – see beauty of her alabaster skin, you might want to change either the “see” or the “in” to make it read better, ie

    see beauty in her alabaster skin – or
    dark beauty of her alabaster skin

    in Cleveland where I grew up there is a cemetery full of sculptures that has an angel this reminds me of: http://www.forgottenoh.com/LakeView/haserot.html

    • Thank you for the propasal … I think I prefer the first one, my preposition are not necessarily the best. Carl Milles who made the sculptor is a very famous (at least in Sweden) and there is a wonderful museum in the houses he used to live in here in Stockholm.

  3. You are so knowledgable about all these forms!
    I don’t quite understand the line ‘has playmates ther forlorn to make her sad’, perhaps it’s me but . . .

  4. Very nice! I like the rhyme scheme a lot and the sad, melancholy subject is well suited to this form. I’ve never written a terza rima either, but I think I might have to try it. In the interest of improvement, there does seem to be a typo in the first line of the third stanza. The first “her” seems like it should be a different word. Peace, Linda

  5. I was trying my hand at Terza Rima earlier today – without much success I must add. You’ve mamaged the rhyme scheme really well, Bjorn. Some of your lines are a little confusing – but that is almost certainly mostly the result of not writing in your first language.

  6. nice…i really like the message in this…her sadness at what is being done to her home…and for what…progress…show it to me…smiles…i like your use of the form…

    if i was offereing crit…between the first and second line there is a change in persepective where you address the reader rather directly…i had to read it a few times at first to get going…

  7. …i just love to read alabaster skin… that said, for me, i would prefer to have this in 3 quatrains & a couplet rather than 4 tercets & a couplet… reading this in tercets left me quite short in appeal… nonetheless, i like the ryhming pattern & the choice of words you produced here… smiles…

    • Thank you for reading and commenting.. I wanted to put emphasis on the nested rhymes… 🙂 To work it into quatrains I would need to do a few changes to the structure of the poem. But I see your point. 🙂

  8. A beautiful and poignant tapestry..in a form unfamiliar to me. I salute you for this…I am not brave enough to try it. I love the photo of the sculpture as well 🙂

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