Don’t tell me lies
of fall and falling
or of leaves
or leaving fading
, but whisper silver
in September moonlight,
let stay pre-
tended by a dying sun.
Today we try our challenge in forming oral poetry with Ingrid at dVerse. I started forming the poem without paper or computer while making the dishes, mostly using the word play with the pairs (fall, falling) and (leaves, leaving). Not sure I met all the aspects of the challenge but at least I tried.
August 31, 2021
I think you have composed this beautifully Björn – I especially like that the first lines came to you while doing the dishes 😊
“let stay pre-
tended by a dying sun.”
Lovely lines, Bjorn. 🙂
This is gorgeously, gorgeously rendered, Bjorn! 😀 I love the natural, rhythm flow of the poem especially; “whisper silver soothing slowly
reflecting summer in September moonlight.”❤️❤️
Much good wordplay in here, Bjorn. I like “whisper silver.” Who wouldn’t be soothed by it?
Terrific word play!
The enjambement in the 2nd stanza is perfection.
Such a nicely composed poem, Björn!
I like the word play with pretending and tending! Nice work, Bjorn
Summer is “leaving fading” — lovely wording, melancholic sounding. This resonates with my own feelings.
You managed to have some fun with this and still rock the prompt; excellent. Clever use and form of similar words.
Love, love, love the rhythm and wordplay, along with some alliteration. This is a beauty, Bjorn. Always enjoy your work. ❤
The sounds and imagery are reverberating my mind. Well done! 🌹
Very interesting word play
“but whisper silver
in September moonlight”
So very beautiful. The best poetry ideas come to me in the kitchen.
The alliteration works well in this, adds to the rhythm.
How funny you conceived this as you were washing dishes … nothing good comes to mind as I wash dishes!!! However, having said that … something amazing came to mind for you. I love this poem.
i like this, would have loved to hear it spoken, it has a great sound and an empower passion to it. enjoyed very much
I really really like that thing you do with the comma, Björn … I’ve seen it in other poems of yours too… I have to play with punctuation more! This was perfectly penned (and not just the comma)!
So much buried in these words! I love how you broke down the word (pre)tending.
Nicely done! I too composed a poem once while doing dishes, but it was about doing dishes. 😉 I love your play on words, especially the opening lines: “Don’t tell me lies of fall and falling…”
Very clever use of words that have two meanings. I liked this a lot ☺️💕
Loved the connections in the first stanza. Lies and leaving, fall and falling.