My days are sand and water,
as a dying river gently flowing,
dawn to dusk, to slaughter
time, diminishing, not growing.
My weeks are rock and timber
as a castle by the river crumbling
spring to fall, to cinder
ash, disintegrating, tumbling
My years are wind and oceans
as a battle by that castle, raging
birth to death approaching
sand and water, slowly aging
Gerrit Dou
Today Victoria is guest-hosting at dVerse and asks us to guest-host with a soliloquy, paying extra attention to form or other poetic devices, I tried with a simple rhyme scheme and some meter.
August 26, 2021
I like that this poem encompasses many seasons and milestones Bjorn with a bit of rhyming lines. The first stanza gives the illustion of times quickly passing by.
This is beautifully done Björn, with the flowing rhyme scheme and lyrical structure. I really feel that battle as I go through life sometimes!
It’s inexorable, with all elements playing the game.
The last stanza is particularly phenomenal. The wind and ocean line is my favorite.
I sense the pressured pace of work, and remember when time seemed to be escaping me as well. Hang in there, Bjorn. Retirement will lend more time for idle pleasures!
Bjorn, sometimes I think those poems written in haste are the most stunning…in any case, this one spoke deeply to me. Your use of simple rhyme and meter served the intent so well. Strong metaphors.
I really like how you got the message of time passing. The meter and rhyme worked well.
Your soliloquy is sterling, with vast profound grasping at Life itself. Your use of rhyme is subtle, and the refrains are effective.
Bjorn,
River, rock, sand, and castle: wedding time and structure, the course of nature as it takes it toll on our aging bodies, flow seamlessly in a natural meter and rhyme.
pax,
dora
Ah yes , we flow.
Good Thursday
Much❤love
Wonderful Bjorn. The first stanza I’m reminded of the Colorado river in the United States which is barely a trickle when it reaches the sea
Very beautiful and poignant!
Days, weeks and years. Time stops for no man. I loved it ☺️
I enjoyed the general flow the poem (no pun with the eternally flowing sands of time intended, of course). ‘Oceans’ and ‘approaching’ caught in my teeth the first time around, but I managed to get it right the second time. I must say that I largely enjoyed the general dry decay of the piece as a whole – no putrescence or rot, but rather the distant, deliberate, unstoppable erosion of time. Delicious.
Beautifully done Bjorn. Yes, it seems that in the end it will all come down to sand and water!
Profound 🧐💕🙏
Excellent use of both rhyme and meter, and I particularly like this couplet:
dawn to dusk, to slaughter
time, diminishing, not growing.
That line break is mesmerizing.
Yes, we cycle, like the times and seasons.
Stark reality made for an awesome soliloquy.
Beautiful comparison between land and life atrophying. Love the imagery and the rhyme.
I like the description of time in this and the rhythm of the words matches well with the ticking of time passing. Well done.