I trace my finger along the teeth of my Yale key. The metal is tarnished; yellow and spotted with verdigris showing its lack of use.
You were always home to greet me when I came home; asking:
“Can you guess what’s for dinner?”
“Meatloaf”, I always replied.
I was the breadwinner until the day I came home with a pink slip in my hand.
I never thought you could spend too much time with someone you love, but it’s easier to love than being friends I only realize when it is over, said and done.
It was a time and there was never enough of it, but we wasted what little we had on petty details; like meatloaf.
Now you are gone and the new tenants will soon arrive.
I slip the key into an envelope with my mother’s recipe for meatloaf and leave.
Today Merill hosts at dVerse Prosery the prompt where we write prose no longer than 144 words that has to include a given sentence from a poem.
“when it is over said and done
it was a time
and there was never enough of it.”
Which comes from the poem “A Time” by Allison Adelle Hedge Coke, You may punctuate as you wish but you are not allowed to change the order of the words or inserting more words.
August 17, 2020
I like the way you used the line Bjorn!
I love the way you started with the key, Björn, tactile and visual, the spots of verdigris are an especially nice touch, and the idea of coming home to someone was a forewarning of something to come. The ending is so poignant.
Well done! I’m still wracking my brains.
This is gorgeously rendered, Bjorn! I love how you begin with the image of the key, it’s subtle, poignant and oh so ever arresting! 💝
You’ve aced the ending.
Meatloaf is a perfect metaphor for life, for so many things. It is one of those simple things we take as “oh, just meatloaf” when it really can be a great meal
Oh you worked the line in so neatly. I am impressed. This is melancholy, as you said. The mundane details of life, love, and longing.
Another winner, brother. The prompt is worked in seamlessly. Kudos for finding a humane metaphor, a mundane, yet miraculous piece of prose. I like that you worked dialogue in too.
That closing – like putting the past in an envelope and sending it on its way.
The end is so hearbreaking – the teeth of the key the recipe sliding under the door…
Moving Bjorn, very moving.
This was sublime Björn. I love how you wove this tale.
Very well done. You made me go back and read it again! Love the ending!
Beautifully penned and you inserted that line so perfectly. A reminder of how we take things for granted and waste precious time. 🙂
This is a reflective piece, I ponder how much time is wasted on the little things. Time does have a way of slipping away. I always found meatloaf
to be a comfort food so it fits in well.
Meatloaf can well spell satiated cravings fulfilled but matters surrounding it may not matter much in importance. Very true Bjorn!
There’s a lot of sadness between those lines. (K)
You’ve made 144 words into quite an epic tale. Very moving, Bjorn. The two central images – the key, the meatloaf – so mundane – that’s what gives them so much weight, I think.
that’s very clever! I loved it.
The Yale key turning a lovely shade of green …. everything downhill from there, except the excellent meatloaf. A nice prosery, Bjorn.
Superbly rendered, Bjorn! A cleverly wove and reflective piece.
I like that you began with the key. Lovely throughout and a poignant ending.
wow. you’ve infused your prose with the line soooo fluidly.
Another great write, Bjorn. Your description of the key illustrating the passage of time, your words illustrating well out preoccupation with minor things never realizing our time is precious. (What’s more, you left me with a craving for meatloaf!)
What a single key can unlock! There is so much here. I think it is easier to love when you are friends. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times…” Pondering that very thought recently. And yes, time is wasted on the petty.
Very well done, the story, I don’t know about the meatloaf. 🙂