Gently you claimed me with fire on skin,
to fingertips brushing, to sandalwood songs;
you guided me slowly to sunrise and sins.
Who could you blame if loving is wrong?
To fingertips brushing, to sandalwood songs;
I whispered your names, when darkly we kissed
Who could you blame if loving is wrong?
When night turned from darkness to luminous mist.
I whispered your names, when darkly we kissed
we lathered our bliss with leather on lace
when night turned from darkness to luminous mist
we wept to the morning in satisfied grace.
We lathered our bliss with leather on lace
you guided me slowly to sunrise and sins;
we wept to the morning in satisfied grace
when gently you claimed me with fire on skin.
Cupid and Psyche by Edvard Munch
Today I write to both Gina’s prompt on pantoun and Victoria’s advice on repetitions at dVerse.
I have edited this a few times and am also linking up to the Tuesday Platform at toads
Björn Rudbergs writings 
oh my!
For a rush job, brother, this piece rocks the form. It amazes me how the repeated lines take on new meaning in each stanza. I try to write lines that can stand on their own, not run-on or continued thoughts.
Steamy, beautifully written. All the lines flow so well into each other. Thank you…doesn’t seem like it was written in haste.
Somehow… when you try to think about the repetition and how the lines should flow into each other it was much easier than I thought
I found the same thing. Now I want to do another.
Now I’m wondering what sandalwood smells like.
I really like the first stanza as a poem all by itself. Awesome title.
This is beautifully done Bjorn. I love the contrast of leather and lace as well as the scent of sandalwood songs. I believe the third line of your 2nd stanza though should be:
To fingertips brushing, to sandalwood songs;
I whispered your names, when darkly
but whoever could claim that loving is wrong.(from Line 4 of 1st stanza).
and night turned from darkness to sparkly.
Oh that required a full rewrite, but thank you now it’s great-
Erotic!
Oh my! Your deftness with forms is so admirable, Bjorn! The repeating lines are so natural to the flow of the poem and even with that, it doesn’t lose an iota of its passion and sensory pleasure. I love it!
i love the slow sensuality of this piece and the pantoum form is sweetly sensitive yet simmers with passion – awesome Bjorn!
I agree with Sienna that the first stanza is a poem all on its own, Björn, well-paced, sensual and beautiful, especially the ‘sandalwood songs’ and the slow guiding to ‘sunrise and sins’. I love the sound of ‘lathered our bliss with leather on lace’.
Wonderfully sensual Björn, beautiful!
Interesting sensuous poem. Sparkly and Darkly felt like strained rhymes to me. A bit to cute for an adult poem or something like that.
Found an improvement… there was another thing to be polished, so sparkly is gone
First stanza…invitation to participation to emancipation to justification..Well done
Beautiful!
sensual and seductive but the use of each line and transforming the meaning as they were repeated. wow.
I like the mingling of the holy scent of sandalwood with the dark passions of the flesh. Who is to say what is holy or profane, but the worshipers themselves.
My Piano Man just ran into the room to see why I was screaming. Yes, I loved this one that much–and read it to him aloud.
The repetition and rhyme do delicious things, it’s as if one can feel the poem dancing on the tongue as the imagery makes itself part of spirit and flesh. And the way the beginning circles at the end makes the whole thing more powerful, reminding me that what started good will only get better… with time.
Yum!
This is the most fiery pantoum I have ever read! “Sandalwood songs”, “when night turned to darkness from luminous mist”
“When gently you claimed me with fire on skin”
Repetition was perfect. Delicious writing!
A WONDERFUL pantoum, Bjorna. I love it.
guided me slowly to sunrise and sins…. that’s a lovely line!
Well-wrought, Bjorn. And what a great pairing rhyme: “we lathered our bliss with leather on lace” …”we wept to the morning in satisfied grace”
I love repetition in poetry, when it is written by as skillful a pen as yours. The lines take on new meaning in each stanza.
I read your ppoem with interest, you did so much better than I did with the prompt….I found the prompt a bit confusing.
My goodness this is gorgeous! ❤️ I love “we wept to the morning in satisfied grace when gently you claimed me with fire on skin.” 😀
kaykuala
we wept to the morning in satisfied grace
when gently you claimed me with fire on skin.
Sensuously revealing of the fun of being together and as expected the man showed good example of being the aggressor.
Hank
I am reminded of the never, or hardly eve, r seen, succubi. Succubus is a new goddess to me, newly found tonight
..
This is beautiful. Makes me think of both Joni Mitchell and Leonard Cohen, two wonderful bards of love. (K)