Deeper, deeper

Unzipping breeze with fondling hands, it giggles,
dances, swirls her dizzy, leads her
deeper, deeper further in.

Daring wind that lifts her hair, it kisses nape,
caresses thighs, undresses gently leads her
deeper, deeper further in.

Careless gale with forceful wings, it takes her,
owns her with his weight then leaves her
deeper, deeper further down.

Selfish storm with lidless eyes, it rips,
and wringes essence from her ribs, it entombs her
deeper, deeper further down.

Gravedigger by Viktor Vasnetsov

Quickly penned for Open Link Night with Lilian at dVerse.

August 9, 2018

35 responses to “Deeper, deeper

  1. The repeated lines and 3-line stanzas make it feel like a specific form–is it? I like the line /selfish storm with lidless eyes/.

  2. I love the onomatopoeia and alliteration in the opening line – great sound effects, and the sensual second stanza is so effective, Bjorn!.But the wind can be so rough.

  3. I like the cinematographic feel to this poem. It’s interesting for the word phrasing and “clips” … has a genre noir feeling to it.

  4. kaykuala

    Selfish storm with lidless eyes, it rips,
    and wringes essence from her ribs, it entombs her
    deeper, deeper further down.

    Hank sees this as the finality of an unfaithful relationship which tallies with the image to be ‘entombed….further down!’


  5. Bjorn, I’m going to stick my head out and say what I really think; should you need to delete the comment you have my permission but I can’t keep quiet:
    Again and again and again the real deep terrible dark is put out there for people to look at and they It’s not that they can’t, it’s intelligent people taking part in this forum, they.don’ A woman has been raped and murdered and buried after in this poem. The ooh’s and the ah’s and the ecstasy and the determined looking elsewhere is appalling.
    I take my cue from the tag ‘could it be rape’: If a woman is led into circumstances under false pretenses as it looks like from the second stanza, it is rape. Surely that is clear from what followed. I remain profoundly shocked at the deliberate glossing over of the facts by all but one put forward in this piece.

    • I think you caught it exactly as I meant it… the initial beauty of a flirt leading to rape and murder… but then it could be just the wind also… so yes your meaning was exactly what I intended, and I have no intention of deleting your comment.

      • There’s no way I could interpret it otherwise. The subtlety with which you wrote was how such a character – the perpetrator – operates. It’s actually frightening how the piece was so misread by so many – the women included.

      • Oh, come on. It can clearly be a metaphorical emotional rape or tricking of the mind to lead a woman into an intense sexual relationship, after which she is dropped and abandoned, no longer being of use, leaving her to feel buried. Some people find it erotic. There is nothing wrong with that interpretation.

  6. I love the duality and question of the poem; I am not certain how to feel about the meaning of the lines, they are like 2 paths diverging in the woods.

  7. Your use of the wind as an extended metaphor for a sociopathic, seducer-rapist is chilling. It works on more subtle levels, as well, such as a seemingly inticing wind that turns gale force and kills. I can see the diversity of interpretations. A testament to your skill in crafting it, Bjorn!

  8. Well-written, those repeating lines are mesmerizing like the wind “character.” It’s not sexy or erotic to me–but as you might know, I’ve just written/edited two reference books on rape and rape culture. It’s totally creepy. The giggling–ewwww.
    I can see reading it as just the wind, but then it would still be a creepy, supernatural sort of wind.

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