The car was filled with plans and beachwear. Midsummer is herring, friends and snaps.
Summer lay ahead of me.
The reggae music couldn’t hide the beating rhythm of the windshield wipers. I turned up the volume.
“No woman no cry”. Bob Marley wailed.
I pressed the call button and music muted.
Her voice filled the car.
“Where are you?”
Seconds passed. I had grown used to silence.
“I have other plans, have a wonderful midsummer and kiss the kids from me.” (Lies.) She sighed
“Fine.”
“… and weather is bad.”
“OK.” (Relieved)
She had been right, you cannot just be friends.
Midsummer is coming up with all the usual plans. Weather is always an issue and this is what my muse whispered.
At Friday Fictioneers Rochelle gives us the picture and the rest of us tries to come up with a story. Join the fun of flash-fictioneer with us.
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June 21, 2017
Nice one! The simplicity of it, combined with emotions, feels so strong!
If you write flash fiction in 100 words the trick is to tell a story without really telling it I think… It’s a great challenge to tune up your writing skills.
That’s some really good advice! I get what you are saying, the more we let the readers brain work out the details, the more intriguing it gets. Your work is is great example, thank you!
I agree with that, Bjorn. I think flash involves the reader and really gets them in a sense to write their own story or interpretation of your flash. I do try to have a twist at the end of mine. Take the reader somewhere unexpected.
xx Rowena
Dear Björn,
Those who divorce and say they’re still ‘best friends’ make me wonder. For the most part I don’t buy it. Usually, whether they admit it or not, those who “un-couple” usually “un-friend” as well. Good story. The mood went with the photo. I’ve tagged Ted on FB. Wonder if we might have a visitation this week. 😉
Shalom,
Rochelle
It was funny… but I saw immediately that the photo had to be Ted’s… I did recognize the ferry from another picture and and another story…
Ted’s taken lots of great ferry pictures. I think it’s just part of his daily life. I liked the atmosphere in this one.
Well women are always right 😉 Bob Marley on the other hand…
Jokes aside though, it’s great flash fiction.
Thank you… alas I think any hope of making it work afterward is probably in vain.
I love how he says “and weather is bad” and she is relieved, haha. This story felt very real to me.
I think that an end is like tooth ache.
Great piece, I’ve done the 100 word thing myself a few times and it really is a useful exercise for writers.
– Esme upon the Cloud
It’s the best and fastest way I think to grow your skills.
Love it. Short, crisp, and packed with a lot of luggage. 🙂
Thank you… maybe we all have such pieces lying around…
Most evocative, and sadness underlies all of it. I’ve read it three times now, and it all fits together better each time. I don’t believe in “friendly divorce.” Oxymoron.
Nope… no happy ends there… (and no forever)
I can see your story in the photo. Nice one, B.
Loved the photo… and with midsummer coming up the story wrote itself
So much unsaid here, that’s the joy of this one. Undercurrents of pain running beneath the words. Lovely, subtle writing Bjorn. And you’re absolutely right about flash – drop the reader breadcrumbs and let them do the hard work!
Yes… that’s what I like the best when reading it… breadcrumbs or pebbles… the reader usually find the way.
Well done, Bjorn. As many have noted, there’s a lot unsaid in your piece that can be easily filled in by the reader.
Thank you… we all have fears that we can relate to.
Hmm, I must be misreading. I didn’t see divorce; I saw a short separation/break for an overwhelmed/overworked mommy, and a daddy who just doesn’t get it. The poor girl needs to decompress! I think they’ll get back together though.
I hope you are right… though the “let’s be friends” is such an overused phrase…
No, I just read it personally. I’m always saying crazy things to my husband, like “I want a divorce” or “I’m going to sleep with a fireman.” So that’s how I read this … like she was hot-headedly running away for a while and sticking him with the kids and then coming back to him/them after her time out. But like I said, that’s just me personalizing the piece, which may or may not have anything to do with your intentions.
Much unsaid, but I think he is right in the end, better to make a clean break rather than try to cling on to friendship. Great writing.
They still need some agreement for the kids though… if it’s friendship or something else I don’t know
I enjoyed the modern feeling you imbued in this story
I think the modern ways can be quite stressful
So much left unsaid. You are a master, Björn…
Thank you… Hope you could fill in the blanks.
Indeed
Oh, brother! If that ain’t the truth! Congratulations, Bjorn, for an engaging read. This was creatively and successfully written.
Five out of five herrings.
Oh herrings are coming up… we are gonna eat plenty this week
I have rarely had herring. Salmon, sardines, yes.
Masterful, once again. Loved the car full of plans. There were so many emotions captured in this story.
I think this story might really show the reader’s emotions 🙂
That is very insightful. Makes me feel a little exposed. 🙂
That line, once crossed, can never be erased.
I think it can… I have seen it happen.
This is wonderfully subtle, with finely-tuned details. Love it!
I love to be able to add details to a 100 word story.
Yes, I’ve admired that about yours and others.
Yeah, tried the “stay friends” thing. Doesn’t really work out. Nice one!
Nope .. it rarely does…. I thought maybe her new boyfriend was there as well.
good for him. sounds like a plan. 🙂
I think he will be drunk like hell in his dingy apartment.
Break-ups are doubly tragic when kids are involved – the music is so right for this story. Or perhaps the story is right for the music.
Reggae is so much summer… but I love when it adds the melancholy.
Bjorn, I was right there in the car with Bob Marley. What’s summer without a little reggae?! Glad summer was your muse. 👍🏻
Nice tight writing this week. You painted a great scene for us in every word. I liked it very much.
Isadora 😎
Indeed… reggae is perfect for summer (even for a broken heart)
I think flash and poetry are closely related in that they are “cool” mediums and should leave motivation/intention/meaning for the reader’s interpretation. Nice work on this one, Bjorn.
I think flash and poetry can be almost the same… in both cases you need to leave out a lot for the reader…
This started off a little bit light-hearted with the feeling of summer and then oh MAN the last line was a total sucker-punch!
It was exactly how it felt at first, and then I turned on some reggae… and I realized it had to have some new twist.
You’ve portrayed this situation excellently. It’s one that I’ve seen all too often, with divorced or separated couples agreeing to stay friends, often for the sake of the children, but it rarely works. The guy in your story strikes me as someone who found the whole marriage and kid situation totally claustrophobic and is delighted to have the freedom to hit the open road once more.
Actually I think it’s his ex-wife’s new boyfriend that makes it claustrophobic.
Maybe he likes boys too, and they’ll wind up in a three-way. 😛
Hygge until the phone call. Pour the akvavit after it. :o) I’ve been divorced for 9 years and it’s only been in the last year or so that I can honestly say I’m friends with the ex.
I have seen it happen around me… and I think holidays are when it’s worst.
The pain is so evident, even silence cannot hide it.
What can I say that hasn’t already been said? I give up. Your story was a bit close to home for me!
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Nice little vignette Bjorn
Bjorn, you write very well. And that’s a flash. Readers are free to add to this.
You managed to tell a lot through conversation in this story, Bjorn. The feelings came through. Good writing. —- Suzanne
Yup…sad but true. I’ve tried the friend thing.
I felt your story.
Oh ouch. The continuing animosity between these two is palpable. As long as they remember to protect the kids from their childish behaviour.
I know this tale. I have seen it. Very well done.
I read it as he was supposed to turn up to spend time with his kids and then changed his plans, so left me feeling sorry for the disappointed children. Nicely written.
You can read it both both ways. The man running away or the woman escaping. Either way it does not look like they are getting together again. Nice one.
Ouch! You really pinpointed the emotion here Bjorn. Well told.
Your short story really brings out the EMOTIONS. Nicely done !!
Thank you Mike, how nice to have you back reading… 🙂