Make the lying cease

Bottles always bottles.

Suzy always spent her mornings cleaning. The formica table was sticky from his spilled beer.
From the master bedroom she could hear his snores. If only …

‘We will build our home with a garden for our children’. Rob seemed honest once.

Before he broke her spirit (and her nose).

Repentance came later, tears and promises. Lies.
She believed. Again and again.

He would lie again when he woke. Then the fits of fists.

If he woke again.

She felt hope rising as his snoring paraxismed.

Maybe it would work.
Maybe hemlocked beer would make his lying cease.

To me this picture screamed abuse, and I expect to write more such stories. Many apologies for last week, I might have missed returning comments. I’m terribly busy at work at the moment, and weekends have wonderful ice for skating.

Rochelle selects a picture every week for Friday Fictioneers, and we all gather to write stories in 100 words.. this is addictive is fun.



February 15, 2016

57 responses to “Make the lying cease

  1. “Rob seemed honest once.
    Before he broke her spirit (and her nose).”

    I really like what you did there.

    I think this piece would be even stronger if you ended it with the line that says, “If he woke again,” instead of adding the couple of lines after that.

    At the same time, I like the inclusion of the word “hemlock” because (other than being deadly) it makes me picture locking a hem … locking him out of it (her skirt) — closing her legs to him, so to speak. I think that’s the best way to “kill a man” … and to make him stop lying, especially to himself. Really, he just needs to know that she can and will walk away from him. I think abusers count on the abused being dependent on them because they love each other, even if in a twisted way.

  2. Bjorn, you worked some magic here. Nice story, especially with that “lying again” theme running throughout.

    Of linguistic note — change “repent” to “repentance” and you’re home free.

    Great stuff!

  3. I know I can never understand why a woman stays with her abuser as long as she does…. I do hope her “enhancement” to his beer works this time!

  4. Hi Bjorn. I liked this but at the same time felt the ending could be stronger and was too spelt out. I struggle a bit with the writing adage “show don’t tell” but to me, it would’ve been better to “show” that instead.
    xx Rowena

  5. I can understand how you came to this piece. I thought the picture was rather disturbing and i left off writing to it until I could come up with something that eschewed violence.
    Don’t fall through that ice.

  6. I saw a lot of darkness and abuse here too, Björn–– dark minds… You’ve really captured that dark abuse here, and really well. One suggestion: I think that if you take out the parenthesis, the broken nose read more powerfully. Perhaps a comma after spirit? Small detail for an otherwise powerful piece of writing!

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