My moon, translucent sweet
you — a bat-of-lashes fluent
heated temptress, silky empress.
You the teaser, freeze of sea,
you a pilferer of silver
river mirror
cross the midnight water.
I’m lost — a muted walker,
as your hands above,
are free, nocturnal birds
enchanter, haunter
with your melodies.
As you play your sitar,
with divine eternal cords.
Nocturne Grey And Silver by James McNeill Whistler
—
September 1, 2016
Björn Rudbergs writings 
When I saw this was about the moon, I thought it would be for Tuesday’s prompt, but it only took me a couple of lines to realize what you were up to. The sounds in this are so good–it deserves to be read aloud, Bjorn.
Clever use of rhyme; had to re-read it to get into the flow; nice work–mine was a bit more traditional–not used to working with rhyme.
When writing free verse.. the internal rhyme works so much better I think… and I prefer then b-rhymes too..
Ooh! The sitar as an instrument for the moon seems perfect!
My thought exactly. And I love the use of rhyme to woo the moon.
Oh such clever use of rhyme here especially birds/above ❤
Absolutely gorgeous, Bjorn.
You’ve certainly gone to town on the rhyme, Bjorn! I love those lines:
‘heated temptress, silky empress’ and ‘You the teaser, freeze of sea,/
you a pilferer of silver’. I had to read it aloud and roll the words around my mouth!
Love the sitar ending but the rhymes are very subtly done:
you a pilferer of silver
river mirror
Gorgeous moon poem Bjorn 🙂
Super Bjorn. Your rhymes fall into place and play wonderfully well with your subject/words.
I think the speaker is just going under, so his thoughts are a little loopy as he waits for the surgeon to cut him open. The line about hands made me think that.
I love this.
Wow! This is beautiful and haunting. 🙂
As you play your sitar,
with divine eternal cords – I love this!
The rhymes are great, Björn 🙂
aha…your words are like the ‘abhogi raga’, being played, eulogizing the ‘silky empress’….
Your rhymes make this particularly lush, sensuous and magical.
Your rhyming is expressly special Bjorn, coming on to as many of the possible rhyming techniques. Evidently it takes great thinking!
Hank
Wow, the subtle weave of rhymes, I do believe you tease us now.
The ease of tease
the moon has you in her grip yet and has made a terrific troubadour out of you: 🙂
‘a pilferer of silver
river mirror’
Divine use of words and rhyme! Bravo!
I agree with the earlier comment that this is a read-aloud. Such great sound. I love all the near rhymes/slant rhymes/internal rhymes.
Intense.