Almost a pity

Hope is such a strange word, it rhymes with elope. That’s apt.
But waiting rhymes with hating. Delay and dismay.
I pick lint from the collar of my jacket pretending to read poetry.

I breathe, in-out, one, two, three.

“United flight 5094 is ready to board.”

Don’t look too eager, neither to passive. Boarding pass,ready (slightly moist from my thumbing).

A hand on my shoulder. My heart rollercoasting.

“Excuse me, you forgot your book”.

She has green eyes, not like an agent. I manage a smile.

“Thank you”.

It’s almost pity; but C-4 is nondiscriminatory and everyone’s mortal.

copyright-Rich Voza

copyright-Rich Voza

I wrote a post that I was not too happy with the last time, so this time I wrote something entirely different. Getting into the head of a terrorist is not that easy, but I guess they are nervous too.

Friday Fictioneers is run by Rochelle, and each week we write stories to the same picture. Hundred words is a target I always try to meet exactly so it takes a slight amount of trimming.

June 22, 2016

74 responses to “Almost a pity

  1. I’d say you nailed it again, Bjorn. This is a good one! It;s one where you read it again and get something new. Spot on!

    Like you, I thought my last posts were kind of in need of a re-write or a rethink. This is GOOD because it means we’re all getting better at the craft. As my screenwriting instructor is always saying, “Write on!”

  2. I like how the images gradually stack, to create an ending I did not expect at all. Great writing!
    Sorry for nitpicking also, but “Don’t look to eager, neither to passive” , should be too instead of to, I think. Sorry if I am mistaken!

  3. Very well done Bjorn. I wasn’t sure what C4 was, but I googled it. You incrementalised (if there is such a word) the tension in this, and that barely perceptible swerve towards remorse at the end was a masterpiece.

  4. Masterfully done. I think everyone must have at least a smidgen of conscience with the forces of good and evil battling it out in their brain right up to the moment they detonate. But who knows. Sadly, hate always wins in their minds.

  5. Nice one, though I feel the opening lines can go away and you start with the “I pick lint…”. Then it becomes stronger but that’s just me.

  6. Very powerful Bjorn, especially once I’d googled C-4. Now I know what it is it may come in handy for one of my pieces

  7. Well written, Bjorn. I would certainly think knowing you’re going to blow yourself up with others would be scary, even if you’re brainwashed. Let’s hope more are detected before they get that far. Good story. —- Suzanne

  8. Very chilling. It is not easy to create a sympathetic feeling for such a character. I’m sure they do have nerves before they carry out their acts, all humans are programmed for self-protection. But i guess their conviction sees them through, Or maybe threats of what will happen to others if they *don’t* see it through…

  9. This was great Björn. You portrayed this character really well. It’s too easy to write characters like this in a one-dimensional way. I’m glad you didn’t!

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