Almost daffodil

be oak and sun
be barefoot willowed
sashay me, dance and sway
entangle me,     embrace the
light, be a blackbird’s beating heart
soft as pitter-patter, rained from eaves
and murmured promises, your hand in mine.
We parted by the kissing gate; tomorrow
seemed yet far away; your eyes alight
I still recall, how veiled in songs
with memories, when almost
loved you left me wounded
to the sting of words
when gently said
yet   painful
to    be

Woman with a daffodil  by Augustus John

Woman with a daffodil by Augustus John

Today Victoria introduces the the Etheree at dVerse MTB. It’s based on syllables, is a geometric form, ascending from one to ten or inverted from ten to one. You can build as many sequences as you like, reversing the syllable count from ten to one (or not). Pub opens at 3 PM EST.

May 19, 2016

31 responses to “Almost daffodil

  1. Beautifully written romantic piece with a tinge of sadness. The memory of a love, taking you to the heights then leaving you in the end.

  2. It certainly can be painful to be “friends”…whether after the ending of more than a friendship to “just friends”, or unrequited love…”friends” sometimes seems to be one small bite to a starving man who sees the whole banquet.

  3. How many times on the fourth date, as a youth, have we heard, “I don’t like you in that way. I just want to be friends.” Makes me wonder how many guys actually hung around after that. I usually didn’t. I like your line /be a blackbird’s beating heart/. Quite the challenge for MTB.

  4. When one wishes for more than friends, it can be painful to JUST be friends. I feel the sadness in this poem, but it makes for a wonderful etheree.

  5. Such a huge contrast between the 2 parts of the poem…and the form does lend itself to that. The entire first half just enthralled me and then…beautiful details, verbs.

  6. What a wonderful opening:
    be oak and sun
    be barefoot willowed
    A rustic etheree, colourful and wistful. 🙂

  7. I specially love this part:

    be a blackbird’s beating heart
    soft as pitter-patter,

    Ouch on the ending message but a wonderfully shaped form Bjorn ~

  8. Oh the cursed words….”let’s just be friends” or “it’s me, it’s not you.” You’ve mastered the form and taken us full circle in this relationship. Well done.

  9. Such beauty and hope in your words, Bjorn and then…even my heart sank at reading those dreaded words to just be friends. So painful.

  10. Oh my goodness, this was just beautiful. So romantic and, in the end, heartrendingly sad. There’s so much here to enjoy, I hardly know where to begin. My favorite part was probably your placement of the “kissing gate” at the center of the poem– what a perfect use of the form; a poignant way to mark the transition from the joyful side of youthful love to the melancholic. And the simplicity of the final two lines within the context of the poem is powerfully sad/whistful

  11. Oh, unrequited love, the friend-zone place. Your poem conveyed so well an ardent love (blooming as shown in the form) and the pain of that not being returned (illustrated by the tapering second half). Beautiful.

  12. This sounds beautiful read aloud. I was enthralled especially by the rhythm of the first stanza. I love “be oak and sun
    be barefoot willowed” ….

  13. Masterfully crafted. Maddeningly poignant for every (I’ll say “man/boy,” although women/girls may have faced it, too) who ever faced the F-word at the terminal moment in a relationship.

  14. Oh, that’s very sweetly done! Congratulations on so mastering the form.

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