From Pablo Neruda Sonnet 17
You’re not a mirror where reflected, I
can affirm myself. You are not a watercolored love
or honeysuckle dusk, never soft as dew; but you
are oaken-rooted, self-cathedraled, but as
air-balloons your being brim-fill me with the
honesty of night, with promises of tea-plant
fragrance picked by young Darjeeling girls, and that
secrecy of morning hale that never
really fell. You are not the melody of blooms,
and neither stem from velvet nor from silk but
from a strength of leather; from a breath that carries
need, decisive roads for me to follow. Since in
your voice there is a bell that in itself
is as resilient as a lighthouse; you’re like the
velvetest of nights when you can follow light,
the steady flashes, heartbeats in the brightness of
above, your brow is thunder barely hidden
but you’re still much more than flowers.
You are the grace of autumn winds and thanks
to you, I sleep-walk very very close to
abysses of uncertainty, and filled with your
unpromised gaze, I mimic in an almost love
the trapeze artist that clings to ropes in a
manic tension at the sullen face of certain
death, and as a fall before she meet the solid
ground you are the heat of kilns, a fragrance
from the leaves of nightshade darkly risen,
a graveyard of concussions, yet from
you I’m veined; you are my warmth at night, the
reason that I barefoot walk on earth
you are a purpose, a parasite that lives,
consumes me and burning cold and darkly
we are the ember of each other, destroyers in
possessions and in a break of vows my
hands are wailing for an end, your body.
Today it’s time for another fun form with De at dVerse MTB. It’s called the golden shovel, and it’s done by using the last words of a favorite lines from another poet’s poem. If you read the last lines of my drafty poem you will get four lines from Pablo Neruda’s sonnet 17. Try it yourself and join us at 3 PM CET.
Björn Rudbergs writings 
Wow, your poem is something else, Bjorn! I can’t access the new dVerse Poets Pub Meeting the Bar until this evening but it looks interesting. I love the lines: ‘You are not a watercolored love
or honeysuckle dusk, never soft as dew; but you
are oaken-rooted, self-cathedraled, but as
air-balloons your being brim-fill me with the
honesty of night,’ See you later!
You have penned this form well, even managing to produce a sonnet. I am impressed. (smiles) Interesting how the tone of the sonnet changes from beginning to end. The first two stanzas seem to indicate a beautiful love; but the last two stanzas go to the dark side!
Amazing writing, mysterious love, a bitter cup, Bjorn.
love the mix of metaphors in this and the use of “negative” metaphors (you are not…) too. Looking forward to seeing the prompt!
This form is all new to me. Your rambling romantic sonnet, that clearly uses those Neruda end words, inspired me to jump in as well. I’m not a sonnet kind of guy, unless prompted to write one. I liked the Neruda poems with one word lines; whatever they were called.
SWOONING.
Heavens. Back to read it again later. Swoon.Ing.
Splendid work with this fun, challenging prompt, Bjorn. I hope to work it tomorrow as I’m still in catch-up mood.
Your poem is breath-taking. Written as it is, in the second person, you make us want to know more of the person addressed and this relationship. For me, I felt like I was reading Shakespeare.
Whew, that ending! In your beautifully flowing words you give us a hint of this force to be reckoned with but then in the last two verses all is unleashed…the power shaking us to the core with its might! Wow…LOVED this, Bjorn!
This is a truly stunning poem, Bjorn. There are so many wonderful lines, and cryptic, mysterious moments. I absolutely loved this.
Now that IS impressive!
Absolutely adore the use of metaphors in this poem 😀 such an incredible write Bjorn.
This is beautiful! It’s almost as if you found the extra words hidden within the original lines and drew them out. My favorite line is: “Since in
your voice there is a bell that in itself is as resilient as a lighthouse.” This is a striking description of someone’s voice.
A superlative effort, Bjorn Love your stylings. Gotta love Neruda!
we are the ember of each other – I could point out a number of lines, they are all so meaty. This is truly wonderful
If I wrote down outstanding, incredible, beautiful lines, I would copy the whole poem to past here. This is just spectacular. My third reading and it only improves. I wonder about the glory of this on the 100th reading.
Beautiful! Worthy of Neruda. Or perhaps Neruda is worthy….
Wow.. that flows so easily, difficult to remember you’re working with a challenging form.
Brim full of lovely metaphors, Bjorn. 🙂 — Suzanne
This is exhaustively fantastic Bjorn. To think Neruda’s are normally of short sentences but you brought out the best in his sonnets of longer sentences. He would have been happy with this!
Hank
Oh my gosh!!! Oh my gosh!! …the heat of kilns – it doesn’t get much hotter than that. This is amazing in its form and how the tenor shifts at the end. So very very well done!
Wow! I’m impressed, and a little jealous of the lady who inspires such words. I especially like this: “your brow is thunder barely hidden.”
Gosh! I admire your work and your commitment to the task!
From ”honeysuckle dust’ onward, I felt a rush of rush images … so much more than flowers. A splendid journey through the senses.
I am bowled over at how amazing this is. Powerful, intense, deeply felt truth!
Wow! This is so erudite and so sophisticated in that you have taken on – and rendered so well – a number of advanced (to me, anyway) poetic methods. The title, as a herald to the content of the piece, is absolutely perfect.
Beautiful language and images in this one, a soothing and affirming ode, at least in my perception. I loved the line “you are so much more than flowers”.
Never dug the golden shovel into my words. This is one I have to try. And might I saybyour poem is impressive
Have a nice Tuesday Bjorn
Much love…
I wish i had the energy to even attempt to write a poem this intense. The flavour of Neruda is there in the comparisons, but who else would compare his love to a parasite but a scientist? I think this is an amazing example of your skill and art.
This is truly spectacular writing. You have captured love well, the glory and the terror as we risk the high-wire. I admired every stellar phrase.
Oh, this is so intense and I love your use of words like this, “self-cathedraled” and the deeply grounded feeling through the entirety…rich work, Bjorn…so enjoyed.
The negative works powerfully in this..intensifies the passion of your words…amazing
Quite a form, fun to write and to read. I’m glad it ends with a telling of the need for the other’s body. Sensuous.
..
spectacular ~
Good lord Bjorn, this is just remarkable. I love it and cannot begin picking out phrases and images that speak to me as there are so many. But you had me at “self-cathedraled” WOW