Before:
Forever happy un-
abridged
“Yes” — she said
that day,
yet
unpaired: des-
paired he’s
left
bereft today,
silenced into shade.
There are days when
water’s paled
with voices (choices);
hisses:
“Come to me; & kiss me
as she did
before”
Despair by Edward Munch
Today we have a wonderful guest blog on enjambment at dVerse MTB, come and enjoy yourself and us, when the pub opens at 3PM EST.
—
November 5, 2015
Björn Rudbergs writings 
“water’s paled/with voices (choices)”: Ah. Love this bit. 🙂
The pull of the water in despair can be so strong.
Like the way you have set this out Bjorn and of course your chosen words.
It’s fun to see what moving around the words might do…
Love how you constructed the words.
🙂 I tried to move them around a little.
I would say this ex-
presses the his ex-
treme yearning for
what was but is no more!
Well pen-
ned!
That’s exactly what happens here.
First off, that painting is stunning. I want to hang it in my house!
Also, I love it when you write like this because it gives me so much to dissect, discover, and yes, invent. 🙂 Jagged alignments make anything possible. Like, straightaway, I see “forever happy un-yes.” That makes me think of indecision, but also of divorce.
Also, “abridge(d), she said” … She’s been shortened (or shut up), and yet, she’s still somehow a bridge … to Te(a)rabithia, of course. Or maybe she’s “un-abridge(d)” at times … or just “that day.” Obviously, she changes (her mind) a lot.
Also, “forever happy, un-un-paired.” LOL. You sound like me. 😛 So that would mean that they would have to get back together for the “forever happiness” to set in again.
“unpaired des” becomes “unpaired De’s …” Or even multiple bodies for De’s essence to float in and out of. 🙂 Unpaired. Divorced? Or maybe this is a Noah’s ark reference … so where’s her partner? They’re supposed to enter the ark two by two, but her other is missing.
The way you stacked “he’s left” makes it morph into “he slept.”
This is beautiful: “silenced into shade” … I could go on about these three words for DAYS. For example, if you knock the “s” off the beginning and make it an ending instead, you get “Hades.”
I also see “When?-waters paled” … When-waters represent our questions about when things are going to happen. But you have to stop asking and wondering, just let it all go, let the when-waters pale, before you’ll ever get any answers. All philosophical answers come in droplets. But sometimes you can see the water for the rage of waves. It takes a trickle to feel a prickle. LOL. I don’t know what I’m talking about. Only, I’m lying, and I totally do. I’m sure you don’t, though. 😛
Moving along …
“the choices of voices” has to do with the voices inside our heads that we’re always trying to silence. But here, maybe you’re thinking we should let our voices make some choices for a change. Perhaps all the unpairing wouldn’t happen if we spoke our mind(s) more often. On the other hand, maybe more would happen. Who’s to say?
I LOVE what you did at the end, turning this into an Adam and Eve poem. I’m left feeling like the speaker of the poem is actually the serpent. He’s already gotten Eve; now he’s trying to draw Adam in. But again, with this abstract/surreal style of writing, anything is possible. The trick is to read it with a completely open mind and just let the images wash over you with total freedom to interpret in any way at all.
Ah.. you find even new meaning.. the bridge come from the painting.. and the unabridged was about completeness.. broken by the unpairing..
the water paling, or maybe pulling is the sense of letting it swallow you in your loneliness.
Oh, I know. I just like to make stuff up … for fun. 🙂
These lines are so deep and refreshing.
There are days when
water’s paled
with voices (choices);
hisses:
I felt a breath of comfort and bless. I love this piece.
Or some little twist of angst..?
hmm??? you got me there.
Nice to be back in the saddle; really dig your take on enjambment, & it works like fox fire, moving our reader’s gaze all over the page. I like the line /silenced into shade/.
I think that’s how deprback ession might feel.. good to have you
Oh, that’s a sad feeling…once accepted, now rejected. Like how you staged your wording, Bjorn, somehow it makes the words bring home their meaning stronger. I guess perhaps that’s what enjambment can do.
I think it does.. and you can also find new meanings — almost like a message within… wordplay is a good word for it..
You’re so right…wordplay is the perfect word.
“Unpaired despaired” Perfect!
Thank you 🙂
YES!!! I love this.
My favorite:
“silenced into shade”
And I love your usage of sound within.
I see this mini poem hiding:
that day,
he’s
left
silenced into shade,
water’s paled
hisses.
LOVE.It.
That poem is nonsense. 🙂
You are more than kind.
Fun to read; lots of juicy sounds.
Love the word breaks specially this part:
unpaired: des-paired
and sounds of this part:
with voices (choices); hisses:
Well done Bjorn ~
Pure perfection 🙂
Oh most excellent Björn. I agree with Sanaa – pure perfection!
Anna :o]
It took me several reads but then it clicked. So very sad, that word “before”. And you did it justice.
Love the connection between your words and the painting. Peace, Linda
whatever the form, you have the way-with (wayward) words
Ooo…!!! You’ve brought out so many goodies with your choices, Bjorn! I love the abridged and silenced into shade…also, the poem within the poem that de noticed!! Excellent!
Oh this is so clever. Not just the highly emotive poem, but getting it to re-produce in the layout (I assume) you intended.
Such clever riff on ‘unpaired’, ‘despaired’ and ‘paired’ – quite a balletic structure there of coming together, moving apart – like a minuet. I also like the un-abridged.
Such a great prompt, I do wish I had time to think and write for it – will have to come back to it later!
Your chosen words are amazing.Takes a lot of efforts to even think about them. Done it well Bjorn
Hank
Very clever wording in this … very much, I think, in keeping with dark ruminations of regret.