Walk densely by my silent side
while smiling sinly,
softly sipping telepathic waves
of wishes weighed with red.
Angelic beams —
your eyes are purple bloom —
deeply burning with indecent flares
In vice of my anemic dreams:
I’m faintly falling into loss.
I watch the swaying dream:
Your flippant hips
are deceptive depth,
a luscious lure.
“Catch me if you can”
Your feet are silvered salmons
swiftly running: roaring rapids,
escaping softness in the stream
for shade of lazy laughter afterwards.
You’re the hidden echo, darkly lost.
Alone by Edmund Dulac
Today I host dVerse MTB, and wants us to break the rules of creative writing and use as many modifiers as we possibly can. I also urge you to use unlikely combinations that add to your poems.
—
August 27, 2015
Björn Rudbergs writings 
The use of a greater than usual amount of modifiers, although perhaps “over the top”, does really get your point across. Sounds like the kind of woman you want…but will regret in the long run!
Steamy and deep, whew — gets the heart rate going nicely.
I do so dig the Flare-Like unlikely combinations; makes for a very interesting & challenging read–should be great fun, brother.
Ha. All the modifiers do feel over the top a bit. As do mine so far, but I will stay after it. I felt as you went along you found a bit more balance with it. That last stanza where the feet were silvered salmon, very cool. Anemic dreams sounds so sad as well.
Might be tomorrow, but I will see what I can whip up.
ha – nice use of modifiers – gives it just the right amount of craziness – my fav are ..Your feet are silvered salmons
The title and ending line gives a hint of slight madness ~ Great use of modifiers ~ I specially like:
softly sipping telepathic waves
of wishes weighed with red.
After reading yours I might not have followed the prompt quite a well as I could have, but oh well. I like this a lot. I especially like that last line. To be “darkly lost” is an interesting concept. Peace, Linda
I think it’s clear what it is, but if you visualize it, it become a little strange.
Well done Bjorn. It has always struck me how the right modifiers actually create metaphors in themselves. >KB
Exactly what I feel.
As one expands their potential
conscious mindful awareness
of life the modifiers do come
more often and flower
in colors not
yet seen
before..
smiles..
i’ve been to
this place
Bjorn.. and
yes.. it is more
colorful than places
before.. alWays Now sMiles..:)
I love these lines you wrote:
I watch the swaying dream:
Your flippant hips
are deceptive depth,
a luscious lure.
wow!!! wow!!!
You are such a remarkable brilliant writer and you’ve got an imagination that you speak from your very heart and soul.
🙂
P.S New poem posted on my page. Check it. I think or hope you’ll enjoy this piece I wrote.
I do like some of your choices of phrases. “eyes are purple bloom,” “your flippant hips,” etc. I do like the last line!
You know, sometimes over the top is good, especially when singing of love. Not sure about the salmon feet though (a bit smelly?) Smiles. But the way you use it works.
You’re the hidden echo, darkly lost.
A classic summation of what is lingering in the mind
Hank
These are my favorites:
“smiling sinly,
softly sipping telepathic waves”
“wishes weighed with red”
“your eyes are purple bloom —
deeply burning with indecent flares” … only, I kind of wanted it to say: “your eyes are purple — burning deeply — incandescent flares”
“Your flippant hips” … makes me think of belly dancing
“silvered salmons”
“roaring rapids,
escaping softness in the stream”
“You’re the hidden echo, darkly lost.”
So I think she is a stripper or a siren (or both).
This is an excellent prompt. Especially this part: “I also urge you to use unlikely combinations that add to your poems.” I agree; it’s fun to slam together strange words, that don’t really fit. But if you have a good imagination, you can kind of make them fit, reinvent language, break the rules.
Those silvered salmon make me smile but those anemic dreams make me sad. The combinations in this are interesting and after reading it thrice, it made sense. Hmmmm, flashback to Woodstock maybe? Thank you for this prompt. It is incredible how modifiers can make a poem beautiful, truthful, or ridiculous.
I’d love to have flippant hips instead of solid unwieldy ones!
Great visual with these words’ pairing!
LOVE this:
“while smiling sinly.”
And those silvered salmons. Fantastic.
“your feet are silvered salmons…” ah, I believe you are quite deft with your descriptions! Love this.
Your specialty: modifiers and mixed
Lots of fun ones.
You break the rules so smoothly; especially “smiling sinly”, ” anemic dreams” and “flippant hips”…falling for metaphors 🙂
silver salmon!! wow…..
Most of the men I know tend to walk densely in shopping centres 🙂 Loved your modifiers. I came to the prompt too late but had fun writing a poem 🙂
Fantastic modifiers in this. “flippant hips” … very cool.