We were creatures of the night, consuming decadence of prohibition bars, sultry jazz and acid booze; with smoke of cigarettes hanging from your crimson lips we burnt like moths in candle-light.
But depression came with harshness of a February dawn. Your poisoned pregnancy came with screams and greasy windowpanes. In blood and mold we grew apart.
Now in silence of his death our table separates, a sea of grimy Formica between us, I let my fingertips remember the double rhythms of bass and drums from our youth.
My bile of bitterness tastes of the tepid coffee in my Styrofoam mug.
© Madison Woods
It’s been a while since I joined up with Friday Fictioneers, but after 4 weeks of silence I’m glad to be back. This week I wanted to do something a little outside the box from the prompt. How I come from McDonalds to the prohibition time I cannot explain, but certainly the decadence of the time seems to fit with the moth and candlelight.
Friday fictioneers is like a virtual bar, where we bring our stories every week as Rochelle tends the bar.
it’s better to burn out than to fade away
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August 12, 2015
Powerful stuff Bjoern. I like the extended metaphor.
Try my best I do… this was actually inspired by another picture at Magpietales too..
what a story!! This is great. Evokes so much – great piece.
Thank you… 🙂
Dear Björn,
Very descriptive. Well drawn story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you.. it’s nice to be back.
Terrific writing, Bjorn.
Maybe no bodies, but bags of melancholy.
Indeed… melancholy is a mood for me.
Wow!! you see you create poetic prose as beautifully as your poetry! This is truly nicely penned.
Thank you 🙂 I think that prose and poetry are not that different..
I agree! I read a few novels by bloggers here and I see their poetic prose…have you read Rochelle’s masterpiece? I still see vivid images that shocked me; I will reread it again to linger longer on her prose.
Ha. I didn’t think of styrofoam as Mcdonalds, exactly, I read the tepid cup moment as being years later, so it didn’t bother me! Anyway, well done. k.
No not really.. The macdonald connection was more a general type of image.
Nice to have you back.
It’s nice to be back.
Its hard. Things change so fast. You go from all the glitz of love and wildness to barely standing each other. I think responsibility is hard for some as well. When you introduce pregnancy and how having kids will change you relationship and life – it can get dicey.
Especially a poisoned pregnancy… I think a progression like this happens all too often.
How I missed your touch of darkness.
Ha.. yes somebody needs to use plenty of ink.
so love those luna moths… difficult to see around here… our lines usually end up where they want… nice
Ah.. i had no idea it was a luna moth. 🙂 not from here though.
I love how vaguely you write. The pregnancy could have ended in abortion or miscarriage, or maybe the baby was born but was sick and died. The pregnancy could just be a metaphor. The relationship/marriage could be a metaphor. And all of it with coffee at the heart of the poem! Excellent work.
I love these:
“consuming decadence of prohibition”
“poisoned pregnancy came with screams and greasy windowpanes”
“grimy Formica”
“I let my fingertips remember the double rhythms”
Thank you.. this was a fun text to write… 🙂
There was a touch of the Leonard Cohen about this. Nicely done.
Thank you. That’s high praise for me
Reading this feels like watching a movie. Great writing. And good to see you back.
A film that start noir and ends in grey I recon…
I could get depressed if I read this for a third time; twice is more than enough. Some very atmospheric language here.
Real life is often depressing if you look at it close enough
Some very ambitious prose in here. Certainly paints a picture in your mind. Good one.
Thank you Paul.. This was a prompt that suited me.
Wonderful profile of a relationship grown old and bitter, like coffee. Terrific writing.
Thank you Perry.. A very interesting prompt.. The moth was the clue for me.
Good, good stuff. Wow.
Thank you Kir 🙂
Strong words, every one, and infinitely depressing. Tepid coffee sums it up in a powerful metaphor. Well done.
Thank you.. somehow the bitterness of coffee-dregs is what makes it even worse.
Beautiful writing. Feel so inadequate to comment on so powerful writing.
This is very adequate.
Welcome back Bjorn, you re-entered the merry band of FF with a whopping good story that packed a punch.
Thank you.. there is something very special about moths.
Better than an average story, Bjorn. Full of flavor. I dug it. Well done!
Thanks 🙂
Ow! Pulls at the feelings, has dimensions upon dimensions. Quite well done.
Layers is what I like in poetry and prose.
Very dark, very well-described! Like someone said, like watching a movie.
Bergman?
Very dark, powerful and descriptive. Nice!
Thank you 🙂 this was a story that I thought worthwhile to read.
Dark story this time. Good metaphors. Welcome back and well done, Bjorn. 🙂 — Suzanne
Thank you.. this story came from those moths.
A powerful piece of writing Björn – well done.
Thank you Mike 🙂
There’s a lot being said in those 100 words.
I hope there is lots unsaid as well…
You paint with such broad strokes, yet drive straight to the point. Life can be brutal. I found it fascinating.
I think on the edge between the broad strokes there is always that narrow ledge to walk upon.
Bile of bitterness, love that phrase. Excellent imagery!
Alas.. coffee might just be like that.
Nice take on the prompt
🙂
Best closing line ever. Summary perfection.
Thank you Jo-Anne
Mcdonald’s coffee leads to reminiscence then?
Beautifully done! And I love the image of Rochelle as bartender.
Gads this is so good. “screams and greasy windowpanes…” I have the envies.
Really enjoyed this although it has such a tinge of melancholy about it. The last line was perfect and certainly could describe the coffee of Macdonalds (of the past at least.)
So much sadness and regret in this story! Beautiful details: –
“Now in silence of his death our table separates, a sea of grimy Formica between us, I let my fingertips remember the double rhythms of bass and drums from our youth.”
Loved the metaphor of burning like moths in candle-light!
Great use of the moth symbol- burning bright & burning out. The phrase poison pregnancy is brilliance & you feel the devestating impact it’s had on the relationship.
Powerful
Very evocative. So many powerful images building a feeling of deep melancholy.
bit of an overhead for me.
Good to see you here again, Bjorn. I’m pretty late reading this week, but I’m glad I caught yours. Wonderful, powerful description.
-David