riptide songs


When the riptide comes
you are the force of moon
p-u-l-l-i-n-g water & draining estuaries,
leaving in its wake a smell of seaweed.

“Why did you leave the water running?”
I sigh, and cannot find an answer.
“I forgot”, does not suffice. It never does.

And as the eager plovers feast
on worms, their bills DIGging, searching as
the castles that we built from sand are
crrrrrumbling in the wind.

“You can never learn”, you fill the shore with sighs.
and just between your “always” and my “sometimes”
the water still recedes — jellyfishes d(r)ying.

“I can iron out the creases”, I whisper
like a grain of sand sticking, clinging
to the glazing cornea of a fish the water left.

And when the sand is drying it fills the voids with silence.

But tides are turning, the pull of moon
flood the sand…

and surfs that fill to pools
refresh again what’s stagnant.

“You can cook the dinner”, your smile is water,
the moon is full and I open up the wine.

Le Havre, Stormy Skies over the Estuary. by Eugene Boudin

Le Havre, Stormy Skies over the Estuary. by Eugene Boudin


Today Claudia take care of Poetics at dVerse and wants us to use layers in our poetry. I have written this back and forth adding a splash of color here and little highlight there. I hope it turns out to be what Claudia wants to see.

May 12, 2015

31 responses to “riptide songs

  1. Your poem made me think of one of my brothers who is a bit hopeless in the house. He will do his part but can rarely see what needs to be done. When weaknesses concern chores I guess it is not too bad. When they concern other areas, it is much more serious.

  2. I like drying sand filling the voids with silence, but most of all I appreciate anyone who can cook dinner and open a bottle of wine. Everything forgotten can be forgotten with the enjoyment of good food and drink….

  3. the jellyfish d(r)ying is a fun play with words. I also like how you have intermingled your own story in with all the natural elements. there is a nice sense of movement throughout. the line that felt the most impactful for the moment between always and sometimes…there is depth yet to be plumbed there.

  4. Riptides are devious, invisible until they have you in their grip; a terrific sense of layering, both personal & omniscient; shifting voices, perspective, & POV; intriguing, truthful, sad, honest & frightening. I like
    the lines /searching as/the castles we built from sand are/crumbling in the wind/.

  5. Ah, that is the big question, why did you leave the water running, and I love the way you ended this poem with the smile as water and you opening up to wine.

  6. What you created even more effectively than highlighting something here, adding a splash of colour there is that sese of uncertainty, of multiple possible interpretations, of layer upon layer of meaning. Those questions, those strange dialogues of housekeeping and yet beyond housekeeping, nature and domestic all mixing up in a riptide of puzzled emotions.

  7. “I sigh, and cannot find an answer.” This says it all, capturing the essence of so many relationships.

    These are my favorites:

    “just between your “always” and my “sometimes”
    the water still recedes — jellyfishes d(r)ying.

    “I can iron out the creases”, I whisper”

    “your smile is water,
    the moon is full and I open up the wine.”

    Beautiful.

  8. I really like the back and forth on this – between narration and metaphors…a smile like water, and surfs that fill to pools refresh again what’s stagnant…from riptides to the moon to refreshed pools…Layers and ripples!

  9. Human dynamics are so complex. The pushing and pulling we do. I felt all of that here, but our environment and the earth and elements are even more complicated at times and this was presented here as well. Your mind is a beautiful thing!

  10. Bjorn, to me it speaks of the layers of a relationship..the push and pull ..the moon is full and you know that is magic right there..

  11. Excellent way of “painting” the poem with how you articulated your words. The “p-u-l-l-i-n-g,” “crrrrrumbling,” and “DIGing” drew me into the poem. However, I haven’t quite decided how I read the smell of seaweed. Is it a good smell? Bad? I have my feelings on the subject, but should I let that affect my reading? That is when a poem becomes fun!

  12. Yes.. the many splendor of Romantic homelike turning lights and water off.. cooking meals.. and pouring the finest wines available for relaxation too.. and ah.. the oceans and the rivers do it so beautifully too.. without effort of course.. as gravity and slopes pulls the way from moon..:)

  13. I like this, how the idea of taking charge or responsibiiity transends or carries over into the worldly aspect of things…..from the dinner table. Quite a social commentary.

  14. Ooooh, those riptides can be dangerous and seaweed can stink but glad that tides rise with smiles (and wine). This is fabulous!!

    (I wrote my watery poem before reading yours…or may have given up.)

  15. I like this a lot. I especially like the second stanza. “I forgot” never does suffice, does it, and yet sometimes it’s the only reason we get. Peace, Linda

  16. I specially like this part:

    But tides are turning, the pull of moon
    flood the sand…

    and surfs that fill to pools
    refresh again what’s stagnant.

    Good one Bjorn ~

  17. Love this! I could really “see” the final brush strokes that you took to this creation and you really worked it with Claudia’s prompt.
    I especially like…
    ““You can never learn”, you fill the shore with sighs.
    and just between your “always” and my “sometimes”
    the water still recedes — jellyfishes d(r)ying. “

  18. Definite cool layers of nature and humanity, all wrapped in a shell of images very close to where I live near the Gulf of Mexico. I have seen your tides, and your jellyfishes…

  19. I enjoyed your poem as whole – but you are the force of moon and your smile is water – are two of my most favorite brush strokes in here. The development of layers is very well crafted.

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