In tears of tears, a gem you saved till last
when weight of wasted wedding bands, on hands
are chalk and chills — my breath’s November brass
in verdigris with thin veneer, when bands
play mournful melodies to sacrifice
in slowest swirl of withered weather vanes
these songs of agony — our own device.
in paperworks, still crisp, unmarked — our bane.
My hand is trembling — “Place your signatures
on dotted lines”, as white as witless bones,
a subtle knife to cut through ligatures
with ink as blood and in my pocket stones.
“Why can’t you take my hand and walk the heath
just like before our monsters bared their teeth.”
Two Monsters – Hieronymus Bosch
Today Anna runs the bar at dVerse MTB. Today we are to find our inner logophile and work with “Diaphanous Diction”. The sound and musicality of words. By coincidence My next installment of my Sonnet Corona project was almost ready. (previous are “Bluebells” and “The tear of tears“). I love working with alliterations and it really contain words that are among my favorite ones like weather-vane and verdigris. Sorry for the sad theme, but I hope there is some light in the last couplet. Of course the dictation lies in my iambs, that I try to work with throughout.
See you all when the bar opens at 3PM EST.
—
April 16, 2015.
Björn Rudbergs writings 
Definitely sad & chilling Bjorn ~ I admire the play of words in these lines:
in slowest swirl of withered weather vanes
these songs of agony — our own device.
The cadence of the sonnet is well done 🙂
A sad tale…but looks like your speaker takes equal blame for the troubles in your last couplet. Great use of alliteration, and wonderfully enjambed lines too!
This was lovely!
Somehow I sensed the stirrings of commitment, possibly even matrimony in this dark tale; a sonnet so creative one hardly notices the form; another sterling strong reminder of what a fine poet you have become.
Bjorn, this is incredible. Overall, it’s very chilling, yet the end has light as you said. And it works so well! Bravo
You’re right, the last two lines do take a bit of sting out of the poem, which is so very rich in alliteration!
this was lovely… some very good usage of words bringing much color to your piece
I agree with Anthony, this is extraordinary. The diction is pitch perfect, the alliterations alluring, and the overall effect aesthetically whole.
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What a lovely poem you’ve assembled here.
I love your usage of words and its imagination.
🙂
I really love it, it’s rhythm and rhyme
I like Bosch and this picture really complements your poem, Björn. You show a chilling scene and thus we are glad for the memories of happier times.
Very sad, indeed. That closing question is haunting. Peace, Linda
seems we both had monsters on the brain..I didn’t link up as I wasn’t sure if mine fit the prompt, but came to read a few here at the bar.
The ending signatures of separation can be hard enough.. but to sign it on the dotted line.. is an end of a beginning one hopes is not signed..
But a new beginning whether signed or not.. is always the next step..
for LOVE..:)
Your diction is dark…and sharp as a dagger.
I am in awe of your skill with words, Bjorn, your ability to blend sense and beauty in a language not your own. Your use of alliteration is subtle, not laboured. – it flows.
Is the title counted as a line of the poem? If not, your sonnet is a line short! 🙂
ViV
Oops – I need to check the lines..
Now I have added the line that was missing… actually works better as it makes the Volta clearer.
Well cured!
There’s alliteration and also some clever internal rhyming going on there – a poem made to be read aloud and savoured. Isn’t it lovely, playing with words?
Love your language and the cadence of this poem – beautiful and sad
Oh, I love this….as if recalling a certain lack of chivalry in a primitive time, when the cave man dragged the woman to his den, yet with such sensitive hands, he touched her.
I’m dancing with your sad rhythm … I don’t know how, but what a lovely sound you mournful words has.
I too, love alliteration. You’re fired off some brilliant volleys of vocabulary here, pinned against a bit of rhyme/near rhyme – and the effect is really brilliant … the kind of poem you want to reread – aloud – as soon as you get to the last line.
“when weight of wasted wedding bands, on hands
are chalk and chills”
So graphic, Bjorn. I, too, like viv, am constantly amazed by your ability to express yourself so creatively in a second language.
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It’s good you can write about it.
I love the alliterations and the dark image of separation with the pathetic cry for a return to earlier times.
I read this twice because I love the alliteration and the flow. Some luxurious phrases…I especially love “weight of wasted wedding bands”.
Swapping out “love” for “admire”…at the risk of sounding redundant! 🙂
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Great rhythm to that piece, Bjorn. The words flowed smoothly. Well done. 🙂 — Suzanne
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The language you use is so beautiful. I like the eerie, chilling feel of this. Your poetry is impressive!
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