I’m wading through the dirt of falling snow
when days are buried under too much snow
I’m stamping, waiting for a broken plough
The icy days are dark inside this fleece
of winter weather gods; I need my fleece
to wait for spring and winter weeks to cease.
I suffocate from whiffs of soggy wool
and dream of cotton clothes replacing wool
commuter train’s delayed and way too full
The nights are long but still it’s hard to sleep
and days are short while I’m awake in sleep
this month’s a sluggish crawl in snow too deep
In sodden sorrow hours feel like years
When will the summer melt my frozen tears?
I found a cool form that I wanted to try. The blues sonnet. I wonder if I fulfilled the criteria.
February 3, 2015
cool form, Bjorn!
Maybe something for a prompt sometimes.
sounds good to me!
Gosh – it sounds like winter has you trapped in it’s icy blast – I hope you get some sunlight and warmth soon. 🙂
the only line that feels a bit forced is the commuter train one…even the double use of sleep is not bad as it plays it up….
The form traps an essence of winter well.
I like the form but it feels like it would be tricky to get it to read smoothly. I think you did a good job with it and it was fun to read.
Yep, you fulfilled the requirements.
But the whole things seems rather forced
And i’ve never noticed that in your work before.
Yes you did, great attempt.
GOOD QUESTION! WHEN WILL!
Oh sorry for the shrieking. Need sun, stat!
I think I wrote this form once before… I forget, what is it called? I love it, love how your repetition sounds and plays in this. Nice.
Ah.. It’s a blues sonnet.. 🙂
yeah, i think my poem actually talks about blues. gonna go find it and write another! thank you, Bjorn. 🙂
Wonderful repetitions here, Bjorn, that bring up the slog of winter. (I don’t mind it so much!) Take care, k.
love the content… votes out on the first and second end word repeating… seems to interrupt the heart of your poem… but a good go on it
Ah that repetition is the essence of the form.. but yes I see your point.
I love the form, Bjorn, and the feelings in the poem animate it perfectly–the winter blues are hard to dig out from–sometimes we just have to wait for them to melt.
The Blues Sonnet has its own challenges. Here form serves subject very well, as the repetition reinforces the sameness of weather and the sense of entrapment.
It’s a bold move to use a rhyme scheme like that, repeating a word in the first lines of each stanza, but you make it work because of your theme. The repetitions drive it home. I feel your pain, man.
Love the repetitions. They read like a long winter… again and again, winter…
An interesting form that lends itself well to the Seasonal Affective Disorder Blues. Smiles.
Very cool form and poem.
Loved the poem, especially the last two lines. Brilliant, Bjorn. 🙂
You did well, Bjorn. 🙂 — Suzanne
I suffocate from whiffs of soggy wool… Although each line is meaningful, this exemplifies the weight of the season on a winter-weary soul.
This feels utterly lonely… and cold! I like the repetition of words in the first two lines of each stanza.