39 responses to “Worse than failure”

1. I thought this worked very well. I had little trouble following the jumps in time, although I initially thought he’d had an accident on the way home, and not during the subsequent race. Or maybe he did? Anyway, good one. It’s good to experiment.

   • Thank you.. Yes time-jumps are difficult.. I would have needed more words to do it good I think.. 🙂

2. I think you just expanded your comfort zone.

   DJ

3. Brilliant story – so much in so few words.

4. Real failure = death. Indeed.

5. Oh, it DEFINITELY works, Bjorn. Stepping out of your comfort zone this week has helped you craft a smooth story. Well done.

   Marie Gail

6. Dear Björn,

   That was quite a story from the start to the finish line. It definitely worked. 🙂

   Shalom,

   Rochelle

7. I think it really works – I loved the ending. But since you asked…I’m not sure present tense works with the time jumps, because to me present tense almost suggests it is happening as you write it or as we read it, but if that’s the case, then time jumps are difficult. And one other minor thing are the words ‘even later’. They suggest a long time, whereas it’s really ‘seconds later’. Anyway, just my thoughts – it’s still a great piece.
   Claire

   • I might rewrite it but doing the first part as a flashback..(rather than a memory).. I am currently doing a course in creative writing .. and therefore I have started to experiment more..

8. Well I hope it was worth it! Still better to die doing what you love than something really stupid right?

9. I think it’s difficult to unpick the exact storyline, but the way you write it makes it very pleasurable to read. The words seem to slip through my mind.

10. we are our own worse critic. loved it. flowed well. bittersweet ending. saw everything very clearly. another literary success.

11. I got it and it worked. There are things worse than failure, especially the type of failure that you can’t learn from and grow.

    janet

    • Indeed.. and some successes take you very close to that abyss..

12. Can’t dance in a closet.
    Can’t drive in a dream.
    Life happens – fast sometimes.
    Randy
    Wow. I can’t believe I wrote that!

13. Bjorn, I agree that this story worked well. It looks like you’re really benefitting from the creative writing course. I wish you continued success in this different style of writing. I had no trouble following the story. Well written. 🙂 — Susan

14. Yes — those champagne race-queens are petty in the full scale of life, aren’t they? Here’s hoping he doesn’t push that fine-line in tomorrow’s race —-

    At first I was a bit confused with the anticipation / even later — but you’re extraordinarily brave to attempt time jumps in 100 words, and I applaud you for that!

15. Dear Bjorn,

    Reads sort of like The Ox Bow Incident. The time jumps are perfect for the POV of the man at the end of his tale, telling it with the last of his consciousness. Very gritty and gripping. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

16. The concept was really good, excellent – took the second reading to fully get it but powerful stuff.

17. It definitely worked for me, and to my mind reads all the more powerfully for all being in the present tense – it makes everything more “immediate” (if that makes sense) even though the events are spread over time.
    Nice job!

18. Wow! Heavy. Well written.

19. This is very well done, Bjorn. And there is more to life than dancing girls and race-queens. Present tense worked beautifully. Puts this reader right there, right now.

20. I think you pushed your comfort zone and succeeded. Fragments worked well. I had no problem following through time. Well written.

21. well done. i just had to read twice to get it.

22. It read well to me, Bjorn. I thought your opening line told the entire tale. There is a fine line between success and failure, especially in auto racing. Here’s wishing him a full and speedy recovery.

23. Ouch, very visceral in the second half there, very impactful writing. Sometimes our ‘worst case scenario’ isn’t really the WORST case…

    Well done.
    KT

24. This puts our idea of failure into perspective! I followed this well, but I do agree with the comment that tense change might make the time jumps clearer.

25. Definitely works very well. Delivers jarring impact with subtlety and heartbreak.

26. Great stuff. And on a technical note, I think the tense change is rather important in getting over the story.

27. It does work! it becomes quite filmic in that way. I find that, when editing video stories, the space between the sequences you show becomes filled with certain quality that is bigger then merely the 2 sequences together. Do not know if I make any sense ; ) Anyway, it is a brilliant, albeit very difficult way of telling a story ! Go for it Björn, it is good!

28. I followed it. That’s saying something today. For some reason I’ve met with tech troubles all day. My trivial pursuit pales by comparison. I liked the shift of his thinking from superficial failure to epic fail.

29. Bjorn, I understood the story, how it took place over a long period of time. Tragic story.
    -David

30. It works quite well. In fact, it’s one of your better efforts.

31. It works for me, Björn; nice job!

32. Oh hell. A hard less learned for him. The time jumps, changes of scene work really well. It’s easy to follow and you’ve covered the senses – smell of flesh, hearing mother’s sobs. Very evocative.

33. Oh! That’s failure indeed. Powerfully told. What he’s lost in his quest to win!

34. This is good writing indeed. I like how cleverly you used past, present and future, really well done. I would love if you used something different than “even later”, that part doesn’t work for me.

35. It worked, Bjorn. Worked on all cylinders 😀
    Seriously, though, the human element was definitely there, I wanted to read some more if you had it. Blast the 100 words anyway! 🙂
    Nice work this week! Good job!

36. Dear Bjorn, I liked your story. I liked the change in time part. Great job! Nan 🙂

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