Serpent
summer sweetness lingers
sinfully like honeyed
strawberries as serpent’s
slithered constellation
softly in deceitful lies
sings temptations as
space is cold and empty
Leo
like royal feline roars
luxuriously selfish
lazily commands you
labor for the regent!
lay interests aside
let constellations rule
loneliness always cold
Today Vandana Sharma runs dVerse MTB. I thought I had gotten the form right. Seven six-syllable lines starting with with the same letter, a one word title starting with the same letter. Form is called Pleiades, and subject should be celestial. I choose to use two constellations.
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October 16, 2014
Björn Rudbergs writings 
Slithered constellation and royal feline roars – I admire how you gave personality to each one, with the backdrop of the cold and lonely space ~
ha. i am a leo…and sometimes i get lonely….smiles.
the honeyed strawberries is a cool line break in the first one….i like how you play with serpent and fruit in that first one…
you did well with this one…its quite short which can make it a bit tougher…and six syllables is more than one hand of fingers for me..ha…
I’m very fond of the first one. Lovely.
great work,!!, even among the cluster of stars the two speak of loneliness, but I am sure it is transient only.
the subject can be any but we had decided to use the heavenly objects.
thanks for your participation!!
A sterling take on the prompt, letter & syllable perfect, of course, brother. I just went with the basic definition of the form, so mine has
syllables running off the page. I like the Serpent slightly better than the Lion; sounds like a Swedish Pub, THE SERPENT & THE LION.
Very nice!
Both poems were groovy.
How great that you show the two constellations, love the alliteration.
Nice combo, Bjorn!! I enjoy the s’s in the first one and the pictures you paint with both ending on cold notes both…great work. 🙂
Bjorn, A lot of stories in the stars. Well written. 🙂 — Susan
Wonderful, Bjorn. The Leo constellation doesnt look much like a lion, to my disappointment. Your poems, however, are fantastic.
You always raise the bar ever slightly higher! These are so good…I will try later. My creative juices are starting to flow…deep breath!
They both indicate the traits in astrology of the the constellations…well done, as always.
Bjorn, a great job on both of these but, the first two lines of the Serpent just captured me..
i like the strawberry serpent and the luxurious selfishness…hmmm…those concept could make a new poem!! 🙂
You have ‘aced’ both poems, Bjorn. I really liked all of the S sounds you managed to work into the first one.
Enjoyed reading both, but favoring the Serpent. I like your use of such descriptives as “summer sweetness lingers sinfully,” and “softly in deceitful lies” Great imagery for such a tempting serpent.
These are brilliant! I love Leo the most because “Loneliness is always cold”
I liked the alliteration within the sentence that made it richer
I think you had fun with these, Bjorn. Very beautifully wrought!
the first one is a super serpent poem..hissing sound all around…leo’s loneliness is self imposed and royal…very enjoyable lines in both…
enjoyed the slithering serpent and lonely leo..
a veritable feast of sibilance and an extra helping of alliteration. I barely made it to 7 lines!
I have never thought of the cold and loneliness of constellations, the ice behind their stories.
I like these non-stop, one-sentence poems.
someone likes this form… in your first piece, i liked the contrast from the sweetness in the beginning and closing with a bitter end… great job, as usual
Those are some heavenly verses Bjorn! I especially like the soft, sensousness of the first one. So fitting.
These are very good, although I favor the first one.
I like these. They have a natural feel and they are interesting.
While reading these I had the distinct feeling of the massive emptiness and coldness of space. Very enjoyable, Bjorn!
Very cool illustrations to go along with these wonderful poems – loved how each comes back to the loneliness of space.
Stellar poetry. Well writ.
Those serpent temptations have to be warm to work…in cold air 🙂
loneliness- cold, can it rull? don’t think for too long…~ nice on form and characters x
These are both great…luscious words and images…but I particularly love the contrasts in the first…ie between the sweetness of strawberries and slithering serpents. Beautiful phrasing.
Oh Björn, now I know why I am craving poetry. So. Very. Lovely.