The anticipation had been building up a while and the tremors made it hard to handle the spoon, the candle and the leather strap. Still he finally would find his way to the land beyond the dumpsters of crushed dreams. To the glittering hope of what he recalled from his childhood summer beaches.
In the clear drop on syringe-tips he thought he saw glimpses of freedom.
Once he had found the right vein his shaking miraculously ceased, and he became totally calm. Slowly he watched the needle penetrate his skin, right next to a line of scars that wormed his arms as a legacy to his dark mistress.
Snowflakes melted on his hands as he crossed the threshold to azure dreams.
He wore a frozen smile on his face when he was found the next morning. It was a mask of the joy he felt in his last entrance to the land of the free. The harshness from his face was now gone and the summer boy had once again resurfaced.
When acid dreams melt his iron face, he’s once more building sandcastles.
Picture from wikimedia common
A couple of weeks I learned about the technique of “american sentences”. A fascinating way of composing haiku invented by Alan Ginsburg. I tried to combine this with Basho’s haibun to tell a story. This is my second effort, I hope you like the effect.
I link this to Trifecta as well as Carpe Diem the word melt in the meaning :
3 to make tender or gentle : soften seem to fit well.
This is also my 900’th blog entry. Only 100 left to the magic of 1000 entries.
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December 11, 2013
It is certainly a terrible thing when drugs become a relief. Nice story. I miss a morale in it, though, I miss knowing what you think. But you let me, the reader, focus on that thing.
I think there’s lot of moral here.. compassion for a person escaping into drugs… but as you said there is room for the reader to add your own.
I love the effect. Great use of the “american sentences.” Not easy to do, but you pulled it off and gave them a dreamlike (or drug-induced) quality. Sad, but well rendered portrayal of the addict. Nice piece.
Thank you.. it’s an effect that I have tried to do a few times.. I like american sentences because they bring the story into the grittiness, that seems obscene to do in haiku
Björn, I’m always so amazed with your writing – then to notice that you are also trying out new techniques and linking to multiple prompts…wow. Impressive all around. Great write! I loved crossed the threshold to azure dreams.
Thank you.. I see it as an effort in Ginsberg meet Basho 🙂
Wow! Totally different take and so well done. Had to read it twice, but that’s what I get for watching the Avengers just before and having super hero serum injections on the brain…that would have been an interesting take too.
ha.. yes that would be another take.. bet he thought it was Superhero serum at one point
I am amazed, as usual. I hace to read again and think some more. Congrats on nearly 1000posts! Glad you shared another cool poetry poece.
Thank you.. yes to flex your muscles in writing is what we are all here for I think.
congratulations on your 900 th post…this one is a creative take on the
prompt
Thank you,
peace
Siggi
Thank you Siggi.. yes training in writing is a lot of fun.
Björn, first of all, congratulations on 900 posts! So much beautiful writing, experimentation and style. :))
As for this piece, the beauty of the technique you’ve used works so very well with the difficult subject. You’ve given the character a heart, and have forced us as readers to see a complete person, not just an addiction.
And, you’ve written clearly of the pain and the longing for escape.
Thank you for this wonderful work, sir. Very well realized
I tried to put the poetry through his eyes a little, but the gritty prose more from an outside perspective.. and I think the technique is actually my own innovation…
You hit hard here. Very hard.
The Land Is Free
I couldn’t do it with haiku really.. to go into grittiness you have to change itself.. but still Ginsberg was a Buddhist and developed these which are a little bit like the one-line haiku we write sometimes..
a sad tale…an escape that def can kill or get its hooks in you and not let go…i’ve known a few…and on some level ran with the escape crowd in high school and college…
It’s a sad tale.. and so sad to observe… I’m fortunate to have been saved from anyone close meeting this destiny.. but i I have seen them on the street.. and behind there is always a child.
Very hard hitting -powerful imagery!The lines,”a line of scars that wormed his arms as a legacy to his dark mistress.” and the last sentence were really amazing!Your writing ,as I have said time and again Bjorn is something else-wow!
Thank you.. this is one of the styles that works for me.. but I read a lot of other writers, and there’s a lot to learn.
:-)I know you do and I for one appreciate that you read mine too-so thank you :-)Must say you are a quick learner-my mind just tends to shut down nowadays when faced with too much new info,lol!
Love your work, Björn – this one is especially chilling.
Thank you John..
Oh my…what a powerfully moving work of art here. Very good use of the American Lines. Terrifying the image you painted: When acid dreams melt his iron face, he’s once more building sandcastles.
Thank you ..
🙂
I thought the style worked well for this one. Gritty and sad that it comes to drugs to find freedom and a sense of peace.
Oh there has to be a reason that drugs are used… but the consequences are terrible.
Works so well but so hard-hitting. Very nicely done.
Beautifully tragic, Bjorn. I think of all of the potential lost to addiction, and it staggers my mind. Your style with this piece was wonderfully executed as well!
I had to Google “American sentences,” and I have to say that I love the concept. You’ve done a beautiful job here. I love how the three poems seem to show the progressive effect of the drug. What a wonderful piece.
Wow. This is awesome, Björn! Seductively cruel.
I like this hybrid poetry thing you’ve got going on. I respect the way you play with so many different techniques and work such magic while you do.