34 responses to “Last bus leaving Jefferson – 100 words Friday fictioneers”

1. good one. Just outside of Cleveland is a nuclear power plant.

   The emergency plan for a radiation leak was to have all the city bus drivers in Cleveland drive into the radioactive zone and drive all the people out.

   I think the general consensus of anyone who had ridden on an RTA bus was “Really?”

   • Ha, know nothing about the buses on Cleveland, but sounds bad to be a bus driver.

2. I love the urgency and desperation that permeates your story and then you let up on the tension with your last line. Gallows humor perhaps, but humor nonetheless.

   • Thank you. Mission accomplished

3. Hi Bjorn,
   Well, Fat Bob is just chubby by Arkansas standards. What a transition your story made between tension and humor, and it caught me unaware and I had to laugh. Thanks for that. Ron

   • Fat Bob is already on the bus, the guy outside is chubby Chuck. Thanks for your comment 🙂

4. Great fun–why do we want to make this be a *Twilight Zone* story, I wonder? You convey the desperation well. Poor Fat Bob. He’s the narrator of my own story, here: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/10/friday-fictioneers-day-trip.html

   • I think that making it a sunshine story is to boring. Twilight works for more tension.

5. Was that Bob Grossman? I can’t believe he’d hop from my story to yours. He must be a gluton for punishment. Sorry about the weight limit. We’re going to have to get a bigger bus.

   • Bob Grossman might have been involved… But I am not sure it’s the same. Amazing that he popped up in two stories independently. 🙂

6. Fat Bob…I just love blunt humor. Thanks for the laugh, nice Job!

   Tom

   • You are more than welcome 🙂

7. HaHaHa… good one!

   • Thanks

8. Desperation turned to laughter… great take on the prompt with an unexpected twist! Nice work.

   • Thank you. mission accomplished 🙂

9. Weight limit 3 tons…love it! I’m a big fan of dark humor. You did it well. Keep ’em coming.

   • We’ll see, I appreciate a dark turn (humorous or not) at the end.

10. Mission accomplished, indeed! Maybe the bus will make an exception on this occasion. I feel the narrator is a little, light thing, so I’m sure there’s space 😉

    • I sure she was saved in the end…

11. I really like what you did with this…the tension and subtle humor. Well done and thanks so much for stopping by mine

    • Thank you 🙂

12. With Chubby Chuck already occupying six seats, Fat Bob, next in line, followed by Tubby Tessie, Porky Paul and that pile of luggage, our heroine is going to have to talk fast to get standing room on the bus (lucky for her, she’s a “95-lb. weakling”). Fun ending to a possibly real story.

    • Thank you, it’s not unlikely.

13. Fat Bob could be a gentleman and let the young girl have his seat…but I doubt it. Maybe..if she bribes the glutton with a few McDonald Big Macs.

    • He might sit in his knee 🙂

14. Maximum capacity three tons?
    Stop writing about my girlfriends!
    Nice apocalyptic tale.

    • Thank you 🙂

15. I think Chubby Chuck figures pretty prominently in most of our stories as he does in mine, too. But without the hint of Twilight Zone. I enjoyed yours. I really felt for the young lady. She can sit on my lap! 🙂

    • She is most grateful… Though she is slightly chubby too 🙂

16. Dear Brudberg,

    American Fukushima? Loved your tidy tale of excess tonnage and tardiness taking its toll.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Lose weight and live longer 🙂

17. What started as a tensed tale of a lady escaping ended up bringing a smile, A very smooth transition. Very nice work!

18. Pingback: Last bus leaving Jefferson | Björn Rudbergs writings·

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