The end of the affair – 100 Word Story – Friday Fictioneers

This picture from Jan Morrill is the prompt for my first entry in Friday Fictioners. Stories can be poetry too, so I decided to write it in iambic hexameter. Hope you like it, and I hope I’m not violating any “rules”.

The alley looked like all the others I had searched,
Should be a blue door with a lemon tree inside,
and as was told, there was the fabled door again.

I knocked and knocked again, and she came out to meet.
Her smile a little hesitant today, but then she grinned.
“Oh, please come in, and make yourself at home” she said
I passively obeyed, but missed her welcome kiss

And suddenly a smiling man appeared to greet.
“I’m John” he said, “and friends of Kate’s are also mine”
I spent the evening with her family and friends
In early morning after left, and never called again

October 12, 2012

44 responses to “The end of the affair – 100 Word Story – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Welcome. How nice to have you here and what a wonderful start! And what a let-down for your narrator. I look forward to reading more from you with the Fictioneers and plan to come back and browse.

  2. Hi Bjorn: Welcome to FFictioneers. Clever and interesting story. Sorry the party wasn’t what he expected but there will be others, I’m sure. Nice work.

    • The understatement lies in his obvious humiliation and the sadness. My intention was to build some tension into the text by writing in prose-poetry (or whatever you might call it)

  3. Hi, Bjorn! Lovely to see you in the Friday Fictionneers! Sad story, beautifully written. ( It’s always a bummer when the surprise spouse makes an appearance….)

  4. “Should be a blue door with a lemon tree inside….” Makes one want to enter through the blue door–sorry disappointment waited inside. Good story–look forward to more.

  5. Beautiful smooth, flowing poetry here. What a sad, stark letdown he had. At least she was cordial, and her new guy, too. But, doesn’t help the healing process in the finished relationship. Very nicely done. Thank you for stopping by mine and comments. So nice to have you join Friday Fictioneers. Will look forward to more of your poems and stories.

  6. if it weren’t for the title, i wouldn’t have been sure what was happening, but now it all falls into place. that was well done. but i have a question about this sentence: “Should be a blue door with a lemon tree inside,” this makes it seem like he’s going there the first time, but everything else suggested he had been there before, so that threw me off.

    • Good question, but my thought was that some time had gone by… Or alternatively that they had their affair elsewhere. It’s up to the reader to fill in the gaps.

      • i don’t see it as up to the reader in all cases. it may have been a memory of the first time, which could be nice. the anticipation and newness of that first time.

  7. I got the sense a great deal of time had passed since the initial spark, one he’d apparently nursed but she let go out. I like that he accepted the end and left the past in the past.

  8. great poem. the iamic reads very nicely and moves the reader along with the story.line. Any reason why the first verse is 3 lines with the others being four?
    goodbyes like this are exciting, dangerous, and crazy. Great stuff for prose or poetry. Randy

  9. Interesting take (my knowledge of iambic is lax). I think I liked the lemon tree best. It really stood out against the blue door (so to speak). 🙂

    • Thanks 🙂 iambic writing is interesting. It mimics natural talk and storytelling, but still remain poetic. I liked the blue door as well. Thanks for comment

  10. Hey, am sorry for getting here late. And thanks for your comments at my end.
    Your story is sweet and beautifully delivered. I get the part of them having had some flings elsewhere but too bad with the double crossing…Well done!

  11. WOW..your first, welcome aboard, Brudberg!! I truly like how understated the affair was..great job!!! Mine is here

    • Thanks for the comments 🙂 Understating a story of passion is something I like very much when I read myself.

  12. Pingback: Behind the blue door | Björn Rudbergs writings·

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