We stare into darkness for light we have lost
a glimmer of hope, a path to the north,
but nothing can mend our flowers in frost.
we struggle to cope when just marching forth
to glimmers of hope, a path to the north
that constantly curves and leads us astray
we struggle to cope when just marching forth
past crossroads, delusions, misleading ways
that constantly curves and leads us astray
our guide is the faith, directing the troops
past crossroads, delusions, misleading ways
we’re led into light, into joy, our group.
Our guide was the faith, directing the troops
in gloss we remember borders we’ve crossed
been led into light, into joy, our group.
once stared into darkness for light we had lost.
Today Merril hosts at dVerse and we are writing Pantoum. I opted to tweak the repeated line to make the poem flow better, but I tried to kept mine at iambic pentameter with rhymes end-lines.
April 18, 2024
Björn Rudbergs writings 
I like the way you tweaked the repeated line, Björn, and love the line ‘…nothing can mend our flowers in frost’.
indeed… darkness can feels like that….
I like the way yours comes full circle–through the darkness and back to the light.
From the examples I saw, it seems poets often tweak the lines to fit. I did, too.
I think often circling back is natural… tweaking makes it soo much better.
Yes, I agree.
Meticulously wrought from the first brillinat line on, Björn. I thoroughly enjoyed this march into light.
Maybe there is light to be found…
I like how you flipped the script from the beginning to the end. Faith really is all that we can lean on these days, both in ourselves and in the support of others with it.
I think faith is what is needed and to me it is really nothing about religion for all… faith is what you believe in.
❤
Luv your opening line
much♡love
Thank you.
this works so well in this form
Thank you… from darkness to light.
The tweaking of the lines make the poem flow so well. The romantic AI painting is a very good compliment. Marching to find the light, the hope…..a moving piece indeed. Faith and hope….may we all follow the light in this way.
Indeed… if we just find that commong path
Love the repeating lines specially: Our guide was the faith, directing the troops. Slight changes made the poem naturally flowing and not stilted at all. The theme from darkness to light is meaningful.
Thank you… glad that it worked…
So beautifully written Björn
Thank you, it was a fun poem to write
You’re welcome ☺️
I’m always struck, when I read your formal poems, how much closer you, a non-anglophone, follow the sound and rhythm of the words than most anglophones. It’s an achievement to be proud of.
Thank you but, it might be more because of my mathematical background, than the language itself. I don’t find it hard to count the syllables and the meter.
I don’t think it’s just that. Counting syllables is just… counting syllables. Even I can do that and I am a zero in maths. But we hear meter like we feel a rhythm. Seems to me, very few people hear the rhythm in words.
A masterpiece! Tweaking is good (twerking isn’t)!
Twerking is good only if you can master it.
This is a splendid poem, Bjorn. I loved this line, “but nothing can mend our flowers in frost.”
Thank you, that line made sense as a metaphor for me.
Yes it is. You are welcome, Bjorn. 🙂
I love this, Björn ❤️ The rhythm is amazing!
May we find that light! Love the way you flipped the last line.
”but nothing can mend our flowers in frost.”
Thankfully I was able to save mine.