Broken shells, milled by sea; new land granted
grain from hand are planted, wheat and peas
From ocean storms arise, drizzle soil and seed
bless the needy, gifts from sea and skies
Broken spells, sea steals back with bitter waves
grey with silt, see graves among the eels
We pray again, again for wind, for rain
shells to soil to grants for life obtained
Gustave Courbet
Today Merril wants us to try our hands at a Welsh form of poetry at dVerse MTB called Toddaid. There are various ways it works but the one I decided to follow was this:
“Structure is couplets, L1 10 syllables, L2 9 syllables. Main rhyme, which can be assonance or consonance, is mid L1 end L2, and there’s an echo rhyme end of L1 and mid L2. Like all Welsh forms it should be song-like.”
I found it a bit tricky and only managed two couplets.
January 25, 2024
Björn Rudbergs writings 
Each detail and image plant in our minds the sensation of the recurrent agelessness of nature’s forms, given, taken, forming, unformed. Exquisite poetry, Björn
I am not too happy with it, and feels that I made it more complicated than it is…
Not at all. It works, sings, beautifully.
Tricky maybe, challenging indeed, but I think you made a great job of your two couplets, Björn. I love the ‘broken shells, milled by the sea’ and this line in particular:
Broken spells, sea steals back with bitter waves
grey with silt…’
I felt I wanted to cycle back again to where it begins… the cycle of soil and the back and forth…
It IS a tricky form! I like this image of the sea; it definitely gives and takes, and your rhythm has a feel of the sea, too.
Thank you… I found the placement of the rhymes tricky too… and I read in another post that you have to think of a caesura inside as well…
You’re welcome, yes–it’s tricky!
The caesura was one of the things that confused me. In the examples I read, the ten syllable line needed to carry over. It was hurting my brain last night.
from those marvellous opening lines, the poem expands into a tussle between sea and land
Thank you… exactly what I wnated to be said.
I think you executed the form perfectly, from everything I read. Your example is exactly as I thought it was supposed to be. Really like “Broken spells, sea steals back with bitter waves
grey with silt, see graves among the eels”
It was tricky and indeed I tried to do it as best as I understood…
I think you did a good job with this. A lot of Celtic poetry ends up where it started, so your feeling that your poem hadn’t quite finished was maybe an instinctive one.
I like poems that end up almost where they started, as indeed it often does in life (seasons for instance)… I have always felt that time moves in a spiral
Cleverly written, I can hear the rhythm of the sea as I read. I can visualize your words being swept up on to the shore by the waves.
“Broken spells, sea steals back with bitter waves
grey with silt, see graves among the eels” Nice!
Thank you… I felt that i went around and I was quite happy with those lines as well.
You did well, Björn. I like the imagery, fits well too this Welsh poetry form.
I agree though it’s a difficult form. Takes some time to understand and construct.
Thank you… I was not too happy at first, but coming back the morning after it feels a bit better… but it was tricky.
There’s a beat in the verses, starting with the opening line. Broken shells, broken spells – love the subtle repetition.
I like beat in my poem… so glad it showed.
A wonderful prayer, may it be granted.
The sea is untamable, like our lives, really. (K)
“see graves among the eels” is such a captivating image. Wonderful piece Björn
You (managed) two very lovely couplets.
Two well done couplets, Bjorn!
I love the rhythm and the language of this Bjorn.
I liked the form
The struggle between land and sea come through very well and l love the rhymes.