Skin on warm timber / and toes / lapping water softly,
under willow / while far far away / a summer shower
hastens over meadows — a loaf of bread / a jug of wine
… and you.
No, later you left / drunk from the wine / you gulped
before stumbling away / while left, I / cold in the drizzle
with thunder promising more — just breadcrumbs
… and me.
So I tried my hands on writing palinode (the second part of my poem), the first part is my variation on Omar Khayyám’s famous Rubaiyat. Grace hosts MTB at dVerse.
May 6, 2021
Beautiful with style (slants) of words, contrasting of warmth of companionship (first part) versus breadcrumbs & solitude (second part). Definitely one of regrets and coldness in the end.
This is absolutely exquisite! 💝 I love the contrast between “a summer shower hastens over meadows/cold in the drizzle with thunder promising more.” There is such fiery intensity in this one, Bjorn! 💝
An excellent palinode, Björn, and you kept the shape and form! I love the way you countered ‘lapping water softly’ with ‘the wine you gulped’, the loaf of bread with ‘just breadcrumbs’, and ‘you’ for ’me’.
Often jugs of wine, once drunk, can lead to this scenario. I like the realism of your palinode!
The loaf of bread and jug of wine come from here: https://www.bartleby.com/101/698.html
Thanks Björn – it’s a classic!
Excellent contrasts. Both versions so vivid.
the first time i have heard of a palinode was this prompt. you have shown me ow it is done thanks
A lively poetic, both humorous and sad. Your use of an ersatz classical form is clever. I tend to favor line breaks over lines, but your example soars.
Palinodically perfected, Bjorn. Awesome.
I got a chuckle on this one. The romantic vision vs. the sad reality. Good that we have a way to soften reality through fantasy from time to time.
Very vivid, and I love the contrasts here too. Shows us what reality can really be.
Excellent response. Although, perhaps it is more of a continuation that went precisely where you didn’t want it to. Very nice, I found it charming and provocative.
Disappointing but not surprising, perhaps 😉
Well written Bjorn! Two viewpoints well expressed, on something observed.
I laughed at the realism in the second poem. Breadcrumbs happen! 😆
I love what you did here Bjorn!
Alas for the breadcrumbs, but perhaps their trail leads away from a coarse lover to one more true and courteous! I love the melding of images of the summer shower hastening over the meadow, so cool and refreshing as the wine.
This was an interesting metaphor with the loaf of bread and breadcrumbs. Well done.
Good one, Bjorn….a sad end!