United, united, frizzled. un-
tied we are seeking
for accurate facts in the men-
ding of fragments, tid-
bits and morsels affirming
beliefs we always have carried
deep in the core of our guts;
coming from rumbling and calling
from masses in mass
from ambiguous scriptures
translated from tablets by
anonymous scholars of past;
united we differ in all
but the dis-
cord of falling apart; dis-
we fall and
we fail as
to be better
Today we are ending the year at dVerse with Peter who is sharing a great post about endings, really a complete toolbox for writing poetry. I started by writing the ending using the repetition of failing and falling, and if there is anything I have learned from the past year how much we can fail at creating anything but discord.
December 17, 2020
This is very philosophical and beautifully written, Bjorn! We can fail by repeating past mistakes and as you say, contributing or creating more of the discord that aids our great fall. Moving, true, and it’s a solemn description of the world itself and its history. I also love how you formatted the poem, very clever and it focuses on the words themselves along with their alternative meanings. Fascinating work, as always. It’s been an honor and a great pleasure to read your work this year.
The word breaks are clever with the message of discord and disunity coming strong & clear. There was a lot of failings in 2020 but I want to view this with hope. That we can see (or view) better than before the things around things that divide us – faith, race, etc.
Thanks for an amazing work this year!
The discord breaks through every line of your poem, Björn, and is emphasised by the line-breaks and hyphens. I like the thought of ‘seeking for accurate facts in the mending of fragments’, and the repetition of ‘fall’ is so effective.
Merry Christmas to you and the aged librarian, and best wishes for a better, happier New Year.
Such richness here – despite the subject. The end breaks work so well. I particularly liked ‘united we differ in all / but the dis-‘ I also liked that in the last stanza all the word play drops away and it becomes a chant and a pleading. May it come true real soon.
Sadly we are rather good at being discordant, but there is a harmony in your poem which places so much emphasis on endings: those split words, enjambment and the alternation of fall/fail at the end – I really enjoyed this.
I really love this poem. The word endings that break are brilliant, and those last lines that you say you wrote first–I read the whole thing faster and faster in my head.
Yes, lots of falling and failing. . .sigh.
This whole poem is brilliant, but here was my favorite break:
It’s so bloody brilliant (and I’m not even British!)
The title Sower of Discord leads right into the manner in which you’ve displayed your thoughts…hyphens and breaks…discord in placement but not in the thoughts you’ve presented here. 2020 has certainly seen its share of discord…most especially here in the US. And sadly, it looks like it is going to continue right up until the last day of the year and into 2021 – at least until January 20th. How one man can create and sow such discord. More importantly, how so many can continue to allow him to.
Well…I for one want to be positive. THANK you for all you do here at dVerse, Bjorn. Oh how happy I am to have the pub as my refuge.
See you for my haibun opening prompt in 2021!
The chopping up the dis- words emphasizes the fractured theme you describe.
We may each be different but we are united in our discord. What a dismal place to be and describes 2020 and everything in it. Good job of making your offering choppy and discordant.
Happy Holidays to you and thank you and Grace for all you do at dVerse.
I worked with eyes, and the legally blind for over 30 years. When I retired in 2010, I looked forward to 2020 as it parrots 20/20 visual acuity.But i never saw Trump or the pandemic coming. Your poem is clever and it certainly rocks the prompt. I opted for the “Golden Shovel” and enjoyed the challenge. Perhaps next year it can be used as a prompt. You’ve been a consummate leader, comrade, and brother through all of this dark year. Let us rejoice and rebuild in 2021!
Good use of repetition. I especially love your last five lines. We fail, indeed, at most everything except discord. May 2021 be a turning of that page. I always enjoy what you write
The line breaks work well as well as the repetition of “fall” there is a real sense of falling and failing, coming up short. I really think next year has to be brighter, we shall see, but at least the poetry hasn’t suffered 💕 Happy holidays, friend! 🍷
I like the way you’ve shade the meanings by adding and subtracting letters. We neither speak nor listen carefully. Our opinions are a collage of rumor and lies.
Your use of hyphenation is very effective in this piece. Well done.
I love the word breaks here, it forces the reader to take stock of what’s been written. Well done Bjorn!
An epic way to end the dVerse year! Kudos to you, this is amazing. Happy Holidays, Bjorn.
Excellent response Bjorn, to Peter’s wonderful prompt. Hope you have a great holiday season, and look forward to reading more of your work in 2021.
entropy, the great leveler,, we are subject to it. Clever and thought provoking.