Deep in sleep I dream
of mountains steep,
with leaping streams
and gleaming sheep,
with tears that beam
from grass and rocks.
But then —
I scream in fear when
from a heap of soil
seeps a spineless
creep… no more sleep.
Today Mish hosts the Quadrille at dVerse, the word is steep, just use it in any forty four word poem and join us at 3 PM EST.
January 28, 2018
Nothing like a shock to wake one up.
That was very fun and spooky — good combo!
BTW, with tears that beams (maybe singular “beam”)
You made effective use of sound repetition, Björn, which kind of slows the pace of the first stanza and lulls the reader into a false sense of security. The same sound in the second stanza has a totally different effect!
One small grammatical nit-pick – it should be ‘with tears that beam / from grass and rocks’.
Indeed… now it’s corrected…
The rhyme pattern trundles along nicely, and then it all falls apart, like a rude awakening. Lots of fun.
like a hop scotch game – i skipped with the words, love the rise and falls
What a rude awakening when a pleasant dream turns into a nightmare. The woodcutting evokes the worst kind!
His series on the seven deadly sins are awesome
I’ll have to see if I can find them “out there” in internetland.
What a lovely way to mix 44 words; your second stanza is a clever twist, so along with the rhyme, the piece apes classic form.
I like the rhymes and then…bam! It falls apart as you wake up. Excellent write.
This was so fun and whimsical. I like the imagery and the sudden change of scenery between the two stanzas.
Yikes! This was delightfully spooky, Bjorn! ❤️
You shouldn’t stare at Hieronymus Bosch before going to sleep 🙂
This made me laugh out loud–for real. So much fun. (And also what Jane said.) 🙂
like the way the last verse turns the poem upside down!
This piece flows so nicely. Well done!
Ha – A wondrous dream and then the fall to awakening…I always enjoy a good rhyme scheme 😉
Unexpected twist – fun.
That was very fun. I was steeped in your dream as well and shocked awake!
I share your nightmares of wild sleep! They make morning a welcome rise!
I’m convinced there’s no such thing as lazy, just overwhelmed, exhausted, all the feelings you captured here.
Bruegel captures so well those worst of dreams..Was a poem lost or found with your awakening??
Half found half lost
The pacing and short lines almost make me feel like I’m in a fitful sleep, even if dreaming … and then turns out I am as I am boldly shocked awake! Good en rhyme which quickens the pace as well.
Sigh…. fingers too quick. End rhyme.
Loved the assonance throughout this piece Bjorn. Such a wonderful dream becomes a nightmare – eeeeegad, so sad!
Loving the rhyme and sounds here, B.
So many of us steeped in dreams this go round. Sweeter dreams next time. Sleep 😴
Ruined a perfectly good dream. Ah well. Love that picture too. A good match with the content of the poem.
Just right for Breugel. (K)