Laziness

Deep in sleep I dream
of mountains steep,
with leaping streams
and gleaming sheep,
with tears that beam
from grass and rocks.

But then —
   what shock…
I scream in fear when
   from a heap of soil
      seeps a spineless
         creep… no more sleep.

Laziness by Pieter Bruegel the elder

Today Mish hosts the Quadrille at dVerse, the word is steep, just use it in any forty four word poem and join us at 3 PM EST.

January 28, 2018

33 responses to “Laziness

  1. You made effective use of sound repetition, Björn, which kind of slows the pace of the first stanza and lulls the reader into a false sense of security. The same sound in the second stanza has a totally different effect!
    One small grammatical nit-pick – it should be ‘with tears that beam / from grass and rocks’.

  2. What a lovely way to mix 44 words; your second stanza is a clever twist, so along with the rhyme, the piece apes classic form.

  3. I’m convinced there’s no such thing as lazy, just overwhelmed, exhausted, all the feelings you captured here.

  4. The pacing and short lines almost make me feel like I’m in a fitful sleep, even if dreaming … and then turns out I am as I am boldly shocked awake! Good en rhyme which quickens the pace as well.

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