we used to disagree with dark stars
falling from the new year’s firework.
but silence afterwards was cold rain
a Thursday morning in November.
we used to burn with cold rage
from a rain-soaked pyre left
when mourners fled its sorrow.
we used to be,
but now we’re not.
Today we play with metaphors at dVerse. Remember that a poet’s metaphor should be unique, surprising and not a simile. I host and give some guidelines on how to carve metaphors. The bar opens at 3PM EST as usual.
November 8, 2018
That sounds like a break-up that’s for the best. All that fighting and coldness cannot be healthy for anyone. Maybe they can be friends.
Sometimes parting can be for the best.
I love the subtle “November Rain” reference. Such a good song.
Lots of words describing something quenched, a fire gone out.
I like the repetition of once, describing something in the past, and the cold rain of silence. As Jane said, a fire gone out. It’s very bleak.
I started with the sense of the rain this morning, and thought about how that could made an emotion…
Love that change of relationship from one of rage to silence and maybe, just indifference. The refrain of Once, was a good emphasis on the past.
Repetition is such a brilliant tool when used wisely and well – and this is one of those occasions! And the conflicts here ‘dark stars’ , ‘burn with cold rage’. It’s an excellent, tight poem. 🙂
I like the repetition. It’s like being in a bar with a bitter drunk – in an good way, obviously! – fits the mood of bitter resignation well. Lots of nice contrasts, too.
To take something so ordinary as rain and build it into a lovely interlude for all of us to enjoy is truly a gift, my friend.
But who can stop the rain? As noted, this is tidy and tight poem, wherein the weather conjures the bile of the past, and metaphors mingle with memories.
“but silence afterwards was cold rain”…..bleak, and hits the spot!
A sad metaphor for divorce! Well done!
I like the description of silence as a cold rain.
You have a way with metaphors, I must say. Serves to convey the layers of emotions.
A melancholy metaphor…or a redeemed relationship (no longer hostile)?
Writing par excellence!
silence like cold rain is such a perfect metaphor for sorrow and unspoken guilt, the entire poem is heavy with the moisture it has absorbed
Spark to fire to coal, quenched by tears of rain. Ah entropy… its pull divides us. This is lovely, sad, and honest.
The No of November comes through so positively in this ekphrastic metaphor
I liked the repetition of once. It seemed that once they had at least rage, but then even that was burned out to nothing. That last stanza is so bleak, but well done.
I like silence as cold rain. I wonder if they miss being together, even though always at odds. Love is funny.
Looks like we both went with rage- hope your poem is licensed not literal. Haven’t read the others yet, I’m reminded of Robert Frost’s fire and ice. I love the rain-soaked pyre left when mourners fled from sorrow. Unique! and so evocative.
This could be a couple that has reached that point where not pnly has the love chilled, but they hsve lost tthat ability to feel love. It could also be the collapse of a whole nation. Powerful Björn,.. I am drawn to this… ;-). …rob from http://www.Image-verse.com
Love the repetition in this, and the use of November rain.